Unfiltered Friends

Visa's Journey: her physical transition from Male to Female

• Chris Thompson • Episode 36

Share episode
[Supdaily]:

Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna do a quick intro and then I'm gonna bring you in, all right?

[Visa Anderson]:

Sounds good.

[Supdaily]:

Hello, unfiltered friends. Welcome to another episode. Today, I'm interviewing someone who I have watched through her wonderful transformation for six years now. Is it six years, Visa? Yeah, you can talk now. I

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

said your

[Visa Anderson]:

OK,

[Supdaily]:

name.

[Visa Anderson]:

yes, it is. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, it's been six years. Visa is transgender. Now, when people say... Like if I were to say male to female, is that insulting in any way? It's kind of hard to know what is insulting. So I just figured I'd ask.

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean, I'm not, I wouldn't say I'm the complete expert on everything that is transgender. I'm only an expert on what I'm comfortable with and not offended by. And to me, that's not offensive. I mean, it's the truth.

[Supdaily]:

Have you heard other people in the trans community be offended by that? Okay, so as long as it's not much of a thing. So yeah, when I first met you and you added me on Snapchat because you showed up at the road trip for Wrigley and honor my dog that had passed away. And when I added you on Snapchat, it was not the name Visa. No, it was.

[Visa Anderson]:

Back then you couldn't change your name on Snapchat. And so the only way you could change it was if you just edited the contact name.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

You'd have to go in and personalize it yourself.

[Supdaily]:

And I was like, who is this yucky pooey? No, thank you. I don't know

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm

[Supdaily]:

that

[Visa Anderson]:

hmm.

[Supdaily]:

person. Was

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that so can I say that name that is it called? It's called a dead name

[Visa Anderson]:

Deadname?

[Supdaily]:

or do you?

[Visa Anderson]:

Um,

[Supdaily]:

No.

[Visa Anderson]:

it's no.

[Supdaily]:

OK, look,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

we're

[Visa Anderson]:

we try

[Supdaily]:

learning

[Visa Anderson]:

to avoid

[Supdaily]:

here.

[Visa Anderson]:

that as much as

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

possible.

[Supdaily]:

yeah, yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. People can figure it out on their own, but I'm not, I don't really say it. So.

[Supdaily]:

So as someone who, you know, you picked the name, why did you pick the name Visa?

[Visa Anderson]:

So there is a story behind that.

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

It was given to me by, it was a nickname given to me by an old co-worker when I used to work in ice teach ballroom dance. and he just loved giving people nicknames and just could never think of a nickname for me.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And there was like a meeting that we had at this studio where one of the subjects was, if you were the opposite gender, what would your name be? And I added, I guess this will probably give it away, but I just don't like to say it anyway. I added Issa to the end of my name, to the end of my dead name.

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

And...

[Supdaily]:

never put that together.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, and so

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

he heard that and went, Visa, I'm going to call you Visa. And so it just kind of stuck. And then when I started my transition, I was thinking about trying to come up with names that I could possibly identify with, but nothing really just stuck out or I just never felt comfortable with and I never felt like we're actually me. And I went out with these coworkers who went out dancing and he called me Visa and it got my attention. And I was just like, it was that kind of light bulb moment where I was like, well, I already respond to it. Instead of one person calling me that name, it'll be everybody. And I think it's fairly unique. And I mean, I was met with a lot of, you know, when I first came out to all of my like friends and family and stuff. They were like, Visa, like the credit card.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm,

[Visa Anderson]:

But

[Supdaily]:

because you're

[Visa Anderson]:

a

[Supdaily]:

accepted

[Visa Anderson]:

lot of people,

[Supdaily]:

everywhere, right?

[Visa Anderson]:

well, yeah, exactly. But it's unique. I've only ever met one other Visa in my life, and it was actually a Cambodian guy.

[Supdaily]:

Oh, a Cambodian guy named Visa. Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

We both worked in the same mall. But he worked at like Lululemon and I worked at like Lucky Brand and he came to Lucky Brand like on Christmas or something and I had been told so much about this person and I walked up to him and I was like, what's your name? And he was

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

like Visa and I was like, that's my name too.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

So yeah,

[Supdaily]:

So

[Visa Anderson]:

his name is my name too.

[Supdaily]:

yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes,

[Supdaily]:

Was he born visa or he chose visa? Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

he was born Visa. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Tell me why it's so why is why the dead Nate can you hold on a second. I forgot I have all of these alerts still on from stream. So I just got, wait a minute, who are you screamed in my ear? Hold on

[Visa Anderson]:

I think

[Supdaily]:

a

[Visa Anderson]:

we've

[Supdaily]:

second.

[Visa Anderson]:

already established who I am.

[Supdaily]:

Yes. Okay, so sound files off, that's off. Okay. Explain to me what a dead name is and why it is offensive or upsetting for someone to use the dead name.

[Visa Anderson]:

So a dead name is basically, from what my understanding is, is it is the name you were given at birth for like a transgender person, a name that you were given at birth that you just don't identify with anymore. It is the name that was given to the person that you previously were.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And some people keep their given name and... or they go with a chosen name that is more aligned with the person that they are, post-transition or during transition. And I guess, I mean, there's so many different terms for it, dead name, legal name, you know, it's interchangeable for me. I mean, I say legal name or dead name, but. I know that sometimes to certain people it can seem like it's like a negative, there's a negative connotation like, oh, that person is dead. But also, you know, in some ways, yeah, that's true. I mean, they're not here anymore because now I'm not my dead name anymore. I'm Visa.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And that's who I identify as. And yeah, that's, I mean, that's as much as I can explain or articulate about

[Supdaily]:

But

[Visa Anderson]:

a dead

[Supdaily]:

the

[Visa Anderson]:

name.

[Supdaily]:

journey for you to having people, especially in your family, use the name Viso was pretty extensive. Can you talk about that?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, so it took my family quite a while to start using my chosen name. I think I only had like maybe one aunt that was okay with it and would still... she struggled every once in a while, but she was the one that would actually like make an effort to call me VISA. And I don't think it was until after I had gotten all of my surgeries that the entire family started to... to call me that and I remember specifically it was on Thanksgiving of 2021 that I walked in the door and everybody just started calling me VISA and I mean I was still working in retail at the time so I had to go to work and on my way to work I just I got a little teary-eyed and you know it was it was something that that made me really happy and And it was something that I never thought was going to happen. And I was just kind of, for a while, I just kind of accepted that fact that like, you know, they're just going to call me my dead name and like, that's fine. Those are the only people that I would feel okay with calling me my dead name.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, but it does take a toll on you sometimes because that's not who you are anymore.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And, um, to have that, to walk in the door and immediately be greeted, um, as the person that you identify as and not as this person you used to be. I mean, to me, it was, it was very emotional, like it was a very emotional experience. And

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

I, it made me think of like the other, like trans women, especially that I know, that have dealt a lot with this, and just trans people in general. I mean, there's, that I would always, I always like to say like there is hope and these things can happen for you. It just takes a long time, because I mean,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

I've been transitioning since I was 23. It was when I started my transition and I am now 29. So yeah, it's been about six years now,

[Supdaily]:

That's crazy,

[Visa Anderson]:

so.

[Supdaily]:

because like I met you, I think it was either right before or as you were starting to do the hormones.

[Visa Anderson]:

I was, it was right before.

[Supdaily]:

Right before.

[Visa Anderson]:

I would say I started, I started them in December of that year.

[Supdaily]:

Mm. So let's let's rewind a little bit and learn a little bit about your journey to recognizing yourself as a as a trans person as a woman. Usually, what I've noticed from talking to many trans people is the initial conversation is around sexuality before you recognize that it is about gender identity. Was that

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly.

[Supdaily]:

your truth as well? And how did that go

[Visa Anderson]:

Um,

[Supdaily]:

for you?

[Visa Anderson]:

in a lot of ways, yeah. Um, a lot of people immediately would assume, you know, if I was talking about going on a date with a guy, they would, they would always ask, well, you know, is he gay? Like, is he, is he into dudes or like, is he, you know, or is he straight? Um, because, you know, I, I, I've messed around with a few straight guys, you know, in

[Supdaily]:

Have

[Visa Anderson]:

a previous

[Supdaily]:

you?

[Visa Anderson]:

life.

[Supdaily]:

I don't

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

know any about

[Visa Anderson]:

you

[Supdaily]:

those

[Visa Anderson]:

know,

[Supdaily]:

stories.

[Visa Anderson]:

oh no, here we go. Well.

[Supdaily]:

Sleepy boy

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

will be

[Visa Anderson]:

sleepy

[Supdaily]:

forever.

[Visa Anderson]:

boy.

[Supdaily]:

Oh, my

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

God.

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh, geez. You

[Supdaily]:

Can

[Visa Anderson]:

know,

[Supdaily]:

we tell that story? No, that's not.

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean, we can if you want, but I mean, no, if you're if you're like an OG, like, you'll know, you know what the story

[Supdaily]:

No,

[Visa Anderson]:

is.

[Supdaily]:

I think I think I mean, are you comfortable telling that story?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

[Supdaily]:

Let's just

[Visa Anderson]:

That's

[Supdaily]:

get into

[Visa Anderson]:

fine.

[Supdaily]:

it. So tell

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

me the

[Visa Anderson]:

why

[Supdaily]:

story.

[Visa Anderson]:

not?

[Supdaily]:

So you're

[Visa Anderson]:

I.

[Supdaily]:

so you were messing with a lot of of

[Visa Anderson]:

straight guys

[Supdaily]:

straight guys. And so you'd.

[Visa Anderson]:

when I was identifying as male and identifying as a gay male.

[Supdaily]:

So you had some like, you were witnessing a lot of like you had your experiences with sexuality and gender identity and I feel like you hooking up with straight men, you're watching witnessing them also struggle with

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh yeah.

[Supdaily]:

their, their sexuality, how they felt about it and manifested itself in weird ways and I would love to know about sleepy boy.

[Visa Anderson]:

So Sleepy Boy, that was a very interesting, we were, okay, I will preface this by saying that we were very young. We were like teenagers when this

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

happened. And so I just don't, I don't think that he had, I don't know, I don't think that he just kind of knew like the best way to like. work out his feelings for like, you know, the same sex. So he figured like, you know, let's play a game of truth or dare and see where it goes.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And

[Supdaily]:

And you know

[Visa Anderson]:

one

[Supdaily]:

the deal.

[Visa Anderson]:

thing, oh yeah,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. So I knew what was gonna happen. I just didn't know how it was gonna play out. And so we ended up hooking up. And by that, I mean,

[Supdaily]:

mouth stuff.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. But only on my part. Like, I wasn't, even back then I was not comfortable with my body enough to receive anything. And so I, you know, went down on him. And later on, I like took him home and, you know. said good night and then the next day he texted me and said, hey, thanks for getting me home last night. I don't remember a thing. And one thing that I had thought I'm leaving out is that during this interaction, he pretended to be asleep. And it wasn't like believable, like it was very like

[Supdaily]:

Was he

[Visa Anderson]:

obvious

[Supdaily]:

like, was

[Visa Anderson]:

that

[Supdaily]:

he

[Visa Anderson]:

he

[Supdaily]:

like,

[Visa Anderson]:

was pretending.

[Supdaily]:

chhhhhh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh hahaha Like a cartoon.

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

chhhhhh

[Visa Anderson]:

But he was very like, you know, you, I, you know, when someone's asleep, like you just, you know, um, and at the time I was so like, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't going to outright, you know, call him out on it. And I was still very like, you know, I want to make sure I have your consent to do this. And I did have his consent,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

but like, I was like, well, are you just gonna sleep through this? Like, I don't, so then I was like, I don't feel right. Then that's when I decided to take him home. I was like, I don't, I think we should take you home.

[Supdaily]:

They probably messed with your confidence a little bit and your ability

[Visa Anderson]:

A little

[Supdaily]:

to please

[Visa Anderson]:

bit,

[Supdaily]:

maybe.

[Visa Anderson]:

a little bit. I was like, okay, well, if he's gonna be asleep. And I mean, I had done things with, I think I was like 18 or 19 at the time. And I had done, you know, I've been with a few guys, but I... was always, you know, people had always given me like positive feedback and for that to happen it was just so strange

[Supdaily]:

Yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

and it was the first time that I had ever experienced that because I had been with straight men who wanted to experiment and that they're very, even at that age, were very like clear on what their intentions were and what they wanted. And I was just like, okay, well, if that's the case, like, let's go ahead and do this, whatever. But with him, it was like... It was very experimental and I, and the way he went about it just made me feel really like uneasy and that's like the main reason why I was like, okay, let's stop. I'm going to take you home. Um, but he texted me the next day and was like, um, I don't remember a thing.

[Supdaily]:

Ugh.

[Visa Anderson]:

I was out of it. And I was like, okay, all right, this is where we have a problem. And um, it, it definitely like put a strain on our friendship because he would constantly deny it. extend, you know, I was just trying to like, you know, I always met him with open arms and just said, hey, if you need to talk about something, like if that's something you need to come out about, or if you know, whenever you're ready, like I, I'm totally here to talk about it with you. But he just denied and denied and denied and eventually we we hooked up again. And this time he was awake and you know,

[Supdaily]:

That's nice.

[Visa Anderson]:

but yeah, but I mean,

[Supdaily]:

Why

[Visa Anderson]:

it

[Supdaily]:

would you go back to someone who pretended to be asleep and denied that anything happened?

[Visa Anderson]:

because my self-worth was in the toilet.

[Supdaily]:

There we

[Visa Anderson]:

Like,

[Supdaily]:

go.

[Visa Anderson]:

I've always known that,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

I know, yeah. And also, you know, I accepted a lot of things that I didn't deserve. And

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

that carried on through, even as a trans woman.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

you know, I have experienced a lot and I've been with, you know, many, many an experimental guy because, you know, I, but I think I also think after starting hormones, a lot of the, the casual hookups just to have casual hookups, um, or just to get dick, basically,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

um, they kind of stopped because I think my priorities, I had, I had a clear head. I think, um, in that body with the male hormones just like raging through me. All I thought about was sex, obviously, and all I ever wanted to do was like have sex or

[Supdaily]:

So does

[Visa Anderson]:

not,

[Supdaily]:

that

[Visa Anderson]:

you

[Supdaily]:

give

[Visa Anderson]:

know,

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

or be sexual.

[Supdaily]:

maybe like the fact that you know that you've experienced all of the male hormones and now you've experienced all the female hormones, does that give you a little bit, do you give a little grace to men who are constantly thinking about sex because you understand how those hormones work within their bodies?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes. I mean, and that's kind of the crazy thing about being trans is like you have, well, I mean, being trans, but also being trans and experiencing the biological puberty that you

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

go through before transition. because there are trans people that take puberty blockers and don't go through male or female puberty.

[Supdaily]:

that they take that pretty early then.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, I don't know the exact ages or anything like that, but that is something that happens. That is something that I wish I could have done, but at the same time I'm glad I didn't,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

because I've, you know, I've gotten to, I really sort of admire the duality of it all,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

you know, because I, and you know, we'll get more into this later, but I think especially sexually, like I can... understand both

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

as well. But yeah, I do give a little bit of grace, but there are, you know, there are definitely some men that take it a bit too far. And,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

you know.

[Supdaily]:

ultimately they need to be respectful human beings. I always

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

say it's an explanation, not an excuse for

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

the behavior.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

You know, I don't think, I just don't think that a lot of women understand what those hormones do to your brain.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right?

[Supdaily]:

Again, I don't excuse their behavior when they act

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

inappropriately,

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-mm.

[Supdaily]:

but I also understand what that, all that testosterone in your brain does to you.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

It causes

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

you to act. so far outside of

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

who you actually are.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. And I can totally, you know, I totally get that. For me, I know that when I when I had those hormones, when I had very high levels of testosterone going through my body, like I found myself doing things and like, you know, I guess we'll just go ahead and be graphic. Like I was masturbating, but

[Supdaily]:

No!

[Visa Anderson]:

like it felt, I know, oh my God,

[Supdaily]:

does that?

[Visa Anderson]:

masturbation.

[Supdaily]:

Not me.

[Visa Anderson]:

But, you know, I would masturbate like, you know, two to three times a day.

[Supdaily]:

Good lord!

[Visa Anderson]:

But it felt like a chore because of the hormones that were like raging through

[Supdaily]:

Well,

[Visa Anderson]:

my body.

[Supdaily]:

when I do it, I don't do it for pleasure. I do it so that I can think about something else.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right and that's that's kind of how I felt too. But then again every time I would do it I would always feel awful

[Supdaily]:

Wait, why?

[Visa Anderson]:

It just because

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

it because the body part that I had I didn't identify with

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

and it just it didn't feel right And then all of that changed post bottom surgery And I have a much better relationship with masturbation and sexuality and like all of that Like I feel a lot more like sexually liberated, but

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, what is that like? What is that like having a body part that you don't connect with, but is connected to you?

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm. It feels, at least from my experience, it feels so... For me, it just felt like it was there, but it was never really like, I don't know. It was,

[Supdaily]:

Is it like an alien? Like

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

something that doesn't-

[Visa Anderson]:

Like, I felt like I was like, this doesn't belong to me. Like, it's not... you know, it's not something that I want on me. If I remember when I was younger, I wish that like I didn't, it was just like a, you know, like a Ken doll, like nub, you know

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

what I mean? I would just, I would rather have nothing there at all. And then obviously after, you know, coming out and coming out to myself and realizing that I was trans, I, you know, had a complicated relationship with like, vaginas and like all of that because

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Visa Anderson]:

I was gay at the time and I was like no those are gross you know but like the more I actually started to admit to myself like I want to be a woman like you know the more I found the beauty in you know the female anatomy and um and that I realized I was like well that's something that I want and that's something that I've always wanted I think um because obviously I still want to have pleasure and

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

you know, experience sex. And I feel like that's always kind of been what I, that was always something that I wanted. And I mean, I was, if I was going to, as a gay man, be sexual with somebody, I always said that, you know, I was always just gonna be a bottom and

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

like, that's it. But even bottoming, you know, pre-op, I hated it. It was not something that I got pleasure out of.

[Supdaily]:

Just like exposing that part of yourself that you reject internally,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

you know,

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

had to have been tough.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, and even, you know, and it made sexual experiences with other people really sort of like, I mean, in some ways I felt a little numb when people tried to touch me and stuff like that. I'll admit that I was more open to it when I identified as male than I was when, like, after starting to identify as female because it was something that I rejected so much. So like when I was male, I was fine with people touching me, but I didn't feel anything. It

[Supdaily]:

That's

[Visa Anderson]:

just

[Supdaily]:

so weird.

[Visa Anderson]:

would completely shut down.

[Supdaily]:

That's crazy.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. And so I just kind of did it. I let it happen because I was like pleasing other people. I was like, you know, if you want to,

[Supdaily]:

just constantly

[Visa Anderson]:

nothing's

[Supdaily]:

sacrificing

[Visa Anderson]:

going to happen. but

[Supdaily]:

yourself,

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah, and

[Supdaily]:

your own pleasure and comfort for the sake

[Visa Anderson]:

right,

[Supdaily]:

of pleasing other people.

[Visa Anderson]:

right. And I remember there was a specific incident when I, when I... I had gotten top surgery, but I hadn't had bottom surgery yet. But I was on a date with this guy. We went back to his place. Obviously like it was, like it was expected that we were going to, you know, hook up. Um, and I had already been very explicit with him and I said, I don't like people touching me down there. I don't identify with that body part. So if you can respect that, like don't, you know, don't touch me there. Um, and I was very, I liked to be very in control of those types of situations because I have such hard boundaries like that. Um, it's easier. me to just be the more dominant one and take control of the situation. But he was, he had been drinking and um, and he was very forceful with me and just continued to try and touch me down there after I told him multiple times. And he just kept on disrespecting me and I had gotten up and left and that was kind of the last straw. Um, as far as like, me, uh, you know, sacrificing my pleasure and all of that for, you know, somebody else or to, you know, making myself feel uncomfortable just to please somebody else.

[Supdaily]:

You know that

[Visa Anderson]:

And,

[Supdaily]:

was a salt, right?

[Visa Anderson]:

oh yeah,

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

yes, absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

Good.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, I know I was assaulted

[Supdaily]:

Cool.

[Visa Anderson]:

and yeah, and that's why I got out of that situation immediately. He didn't make any big deal about it though. I mean, he kind of was just like, I don't know what you're talking about though. Like, you know, he, oh, well, that's another thing. So, He didn't make a big deal out of it when I was leaving, but when we were in the moment, and it could have been because he was drinking, but also I'm sure he felt this way, even sober. He said, you know, the reason why you hate that part of yourself is because you hate yourself. That's a part of you, and you shouldn't hate that. And I flat out said, I was like, are you just trying to make excuses so that I'll let you touch me? Is this kind

[Supdaily]:

It's coercive,

[Visa Anderson]:

of, is this your

[Supdaily]:

that's

[Visa Anderson]:

way?

[Supdaily]:

coercive.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, are you trying to coerce me?

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And obviously it wasn't working. Like I know better than that. And I was like, I'm sorry, you're not, I told him, I said, you don't know the experience here. You're not trans, you don't get it. So I'm getting up and I'm leaving.

[Supdaily]:

Good for

[Visa Anderson]:

You're

[Supdaily]:

you.

[Visa Anderson]:

being disrespectful. I've told you multiple times and I've told you to stop touching me down there. You haven't. you will never understand. So don't try and sit here and try to reason with me so that I will let you touch my penis. So yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so I left. And so after that, I mean, you know, that wasn't any, it didn't, I mean, those types of things, like it didn't affect me in any way. It didn't change. my relationship with sex and sexuality, I think it just, if anything, taught me to really stand up for myself and to recognize those super, super hard boundaries.

[Supdaily]:

Well,

[Visa Anderson]:

But

[Supdaily]:

I mean,

[Visa Anderson]:

after...

[Supdaily]:

it's it seems like you have had to face quite a bit of being kept a secret or being treated like an object to experiment with. You know, I'm feeling like I want to try this. And

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

it seems like people were using you to figure themselves out while you

[Visa Anderson]:

100%

[Supdaily]:

were figuring

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes

[Supdaily]:

yourself out. How do you deal with? constantly being experimented with, like you're not a person.

[Visa Anderson]:

So in the first few years of my transition, it was sort of a, I don't know, I think I allowed that in my life. Like I let, you know, those guys come into my life and experiment or do whatever they needed to do to figure themselves out because I was lonely and because physical touch is a big thing for me

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

and I wanted that and I craved that. And so... I definitely had a very low self-worth at the time, and I just put myself in those situations again, because I was lonely. And I thought that in some ways I could help out. these men and help them sort of figure themselves out and answer any questions that, because ultimately like I wanna be a safe space for someone, but at the same time, I understand that like these people were also using me to figure out something within themselves. And it's not something that I look back on and feel like great about, but I

[Supdaily]:

No.

[Visa Anderson]:

mean, but do I feel... great about the moments where, you know, guys have been completely vulnerable and honest with me and said, I feel this way, but I don't know how to deal with it. Like,

[Supdaily]:

Mmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah, I feel good about being that safe space for them to talk about these things because I've had, you know, I've had guys that I've hooked up with in the past that I've kept as friends and, you know, I've had very deep conversations with about this stuff and... And then I've also, you know, I also have a lot of guy friends that I've hooked up with that just see me as a person. And I mean, they and they have been I've been with guys who have been with other trans women before me and they don't. They don't see it as like, you know, I'm hooking up with somebody that is, you know, an anomaly or like different. Like

[Supdaily]:

They just

[Visa Anderson]:

I hooked

[Supdaily]:

see you

[Visa Anderson]:

up with

[Supdaily]:

as

[Visa Anderson]:

a

[Supdaily]:

a

[Visa Anderson]:

woman.

[Supdaily]:

woman.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And, you know, and that those are the types of friendships that I appreciate. appreciate those moments where I was able to be that safe space for somebody who was like trying to figure themselves out. And those are things that like, you know, there were definitely times where I had... hookups with people that just wanted to experiment and like just used me for that. They're like, I've never been with a, you know, with a, I've never been with a transgender before, you know,

[Supdaily]:

with a transgender.

[Visa Anderson]:

with a transgender.

[Supdaily]:

Oh my God.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. Um, and you know,

[Supdaily]:

Ugh.

[Visa Anderson]:

and, and those people that, that fetishize you and, and make you feel like you are a fetish. And I, I never really like, I may be entertained those things maybe once or twice, but it made me feel like shit afterwards.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And, um, and so I just stopped, you know, whenever I would get those messages on Bumble and all of that, it was just like immediate, like, you know, unmatched. Like, no, we're done with that. We're not doing that anymore.

[Supdaily]:

to how did you go from, because you obviously really wanted to feel, to feel with somebody. You wanted

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

to have those connections. You wanted to be

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

intimate. You wanted to be touched, but there was all these other like complicated elements at play there. How did you get to the point of rejecting the situations that weren't serving you, the people who were using you just because you were trans as like an experiment?

[Visa Anderson]:

I think a lot of it had to do like... Wow. That's...

[Supdaily]:

It's a tough question. It's

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

because the thing is, is like, I've had, I'm not trans, I had to do the same thing. I would try to get people to love me by pleasing them. And that

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes.

[Supdaily]:

included in the bedroom. And then it was like a drug. It felt so great while it was going on. And then when I was done, I would feel empty. And then I have the added layer of I'm a man, I'm just supposed to want to hook up and not feel

[Visa Anderson]:

right

[Supdaily]:

anything,

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah

[Supdaily]:

which is just not true. A lot of us. are human too and have

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

emotions. And I had to get to a point where I would reject something that would feel great momentarily for the sake of my wellbeing overall.

[Visa Anderson]:

right. I think that for me, that really didn't happen for me until fairly recently.

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. I you know, the relationship that I'm in now with my partner, like I feel completely validated in who I am, and I don't feel like he wants to be with me because I'm trans. That was never the case to begin with. My previous partner before him, though, that was a situation where... I definitely rejected the more casual hookups and the fetishization and stuff like that in that relationship, but I still felt like an anomaly in that relationship. And I, with both the partner that I'm with now and my previous partner, I was their first transgender, the first transgender woman they had ever dated. And the clear difference is that with my ex, he always seemed to make it a big deal when it came to like things in the bedroom and stuff like that. We never slept together and we never were sexual with each other until after I had gotten bottom surgery.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

But yet he would always make a point to tell me that like, oh no, it doesn't matter that you're pre-op, it wouldn't have mattered to me, whatever. But still we had never

[Supdaily]:

but his actions

[Visa Anderson]:

done anything.

[Supdaily]:

spoke differently.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, exactly.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so, I mean, as of recently, yeah, I've really sort of rejected that. And it's not, because I mean, before I'd even met my boyfriend now, I was still going out and having like casual hookups with people, but I think in a way that was more respectful to myself. Like I

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

wouldn't put myself in situations. So I can't really, I guess I can't really pinpoint when that shift happened, but it just kind of naturally happened on its own.

[Supdaily]:

It seems like maybe you got involved with someone who saw you and then you saw the possibility of that actually happening. Do you think maybe to

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

that point you didn't think it was possible that someone would see you beyond

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh yeah,

[Supdaily]:

being an

[Visa Anderson]:

oh

[Supdaily]:

object?

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah, absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And even with my ex, you know, that was, he also saw me as a person. But he still in some ways made me feel a lot like an anomaly.

[Supdaily]:

He didn't accept all of you, he accepted

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

most of you,

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

except for, you know.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

You know.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, yeah. And you know, and... I don't even know how else to explain it, but I mean, I'm in a much happier place now

[Supdaily]:

Yes,

[Visa Anderson]:

when it comes to that

[Supdaily]:

I mean,

[Visa Anderson]:

stuff,

[Supdaily]:

I've witnessed

[Visa Anderson]:

like,

[Supdaily]:

it. I mean, I've

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

seen I've seen your your whole transition. So it's been really beautiful

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

to watch.

[Visa Anderson]:

I know, I can't believe you've seen me from the very humble beginnings.

[Supdaily]:

The very beginning, yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

The clip-in hair extensions with all the 700 hair clips in the back of my head just so I could make a mock ponytail.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, oh was

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

that all

[Visa Anderson]:

when

[Supdaily]:

clip

[Visa Anderson]:

I met

[Supdaily]:

ins?

[Visa Anderson]:

you, yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Oh I didn't know that!

[Visa Anderson]:

My hair was maybe like, it was like this short when I met

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

you, yeah.

[Supdaily]:

I never put

[Visa Anderson]:

And...

[Supdaily]:

that together.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, and I had gotten like clip-in extensions when I met you, but I didn't know how to put them in or like make them look decent enough.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I just, because there was a clear, like whenever I put them in, there was like, when I had my hair down, there was a clear separation, like a line of separation. And so I just tried to put a ponytail in, but I had a haircut that was long on top and buzzed on the sides. So my hair was slow growing out and it was long enough that I could just take the pieces and pin them.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And it was... creative to say the least.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

you're working with what you had at the

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

moment.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. Yeah. And it got to a point where like, you know, my hair finally like everything sort of evened out a little bit. But yeah.

[Supdaily]:

We're proud of your hair.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

So keeping in mind that my understanding is that most trans people don't seek any sort of gender reassignment surgery or transition at all. They just exist as a trans person. That is, no?

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean, I'm sorry, can you phrase that again?

[Supdaily]:

Basically, like, I think people assume that when you come out as trans, the first thing you want to do is change your entire body. But I know a lot of trans people don't ever

[Visa Anderson]:

No,

[Supdaily]:

physically transition their body.

[Visa Anderson]:

no, no, everybody's transition is different.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

You, you know, not everybody needs surgery to feel validated in their gender.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, so

[Visa Anderson]:

And, you know.

[Supdaily]:

tell, say someone's listening and they wanna understand the full process for being a male to female trans person and the transition process, what does it take to fully transition physically as a trans woman?

[Visa Anderson]:

As a trans woman, are we speaking surgically or just in general?

[Supdaily]:

the whole process from beginning

[Visa Anderson]:

The whole

[Supdaily]:

to

[Visa Anderson]:

process.

[Supdaily]:

end. Tell me the whole process for transitioning from male to female.

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay, well, a lot of it is very, first of all, like, you come out to yourself, because that's where it all starts, you know,

[Supdaily]:

Yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

and you accept the fact that, you know, this is who you are, and this is who you want to be, and this is going to be your journey. And then, I mean, really, there's the whole coming out process and all of that, whether you choose to come out or not. But as far as like,

[Supdaily]:

then you go

[Visa Anderson]:

you

[Supdaily]:

to

[Visa Anderson]:

know.

[Supdaily]:

doctors to get mental health evals, right?

[Visa Anderson]:

You do if you want. At least where I live, I didn't need any sort of like mental health evaluations for hormones or anything like that.

[Supdaily]:

Mmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so, and if this is something that you want to do as a trans woman, I can only speak from the

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

trans woman experience, you know, you can choose to go on hormones if you want. Totally. That doesn't make you any less of a woman if you're not on hormones.

[Supdaily]:

Okay, we're

[Visa Anderson]:

Like...

[Supdaily]:

gonna we're gonna squash this now because I can see what you're doing where you're trying to make sure not to offend people.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

I want to know your experience transitioning.

[Visa Anderson]:

So

[Supdaily]:

Don't

[Visa Anderson]:

you want my story.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, don't worry about

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay.

[Supdaily]:

look, everyone has their own experience. She's a trans person. This is her experience as a trans person doesn't mean your experience is any less valid. We'll

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

all keep please keep the what about out of the comment

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

section. We're

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm

[Supdaily]:

talking

[Visa Anderson]:

only speaking

[Supdaily]:

about

[Visa Anderson]:

to my experience

[Supdaily]:

visas

[Visa Anderson]:

here.

[Supdaily]:

experience.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes.

[Supdaily]:

Tell

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay,

[Supdaily]:

me what

[Visa Anderson]:

so

[Supdaily]:

you did throughout your whole transition.

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay, so throughout my whole transition, came out to myself, that was a very emotional experience. Um, came out to all of my friends. Um, I like, I came out on my birthday to all of my friends. Like I, till

[Supdaily]:

Mazel

[Visa Anderson]:

I got

[Supdaily]:

Tov.

[Visa Anderson]:

all my friends together and I said, hey guys, I'm gonna be a woman. So...

[Supdaily]:

What was the reaction to that?

[Visa Anderson]:

Everybody was, everybody was very positive about it. At least the people that were there. There were a few people in my life that were like, you know, Bible thumping and saying, well, that's not how God made you. And like, you know,

[Supdaily]:

Well...

[Visa Anderson]:

whatever. Like, well, really, because let's not go there. So, and then I started presenting as female, started growing my hair out. Well, before that I came out to my mom and that was really tough. She was the last person I came out to and she

[Supdaily]:

What happened when you came out to your bomb?

[Visa Anderson]:

was not accepting at all. She said, I can deal with you being gay, but this is not something I can support you in. She was like, you need to get your life together. Maybe before you start thinking about changing your gender, you need to get your priorities in order. And, you know, she told me to pray about it and all that. She's super Catholic and,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

you know, and it was just, it was heartbreaking to have, you know. your parents not accept you. And in some ways I can understand. I mean, you know, sometimes you don't. I mean, parents have a certain plan for their children and this wasn't what she had planned and this wasn't really on her, this wasn't on her life bingo card. And,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

you know.

[Supdaily]:

because I mean, like, you hear about all these parents negatively reacting to their kid being trans and like, wow, I think it's awful that they don't accept it. I think also being understanding that, you know, your mom gave birth to like, to somebody else, essentially.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

And so they have to grieve the loss

[Visa Anderson]:

Absolutely,

[Supdaily]:

of that child.

[Visa Anderson]:

absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

You

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

know.

[Visa Anderson]:

and I always say, you know, it's not just you that's transitioning, it's everybody in your life that

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

is transitioning with you. At least everybody that knew you previously before you started your transition.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And, you know, and anyway, so I mean, she obviously wasn't improving, but I didn't let that...

[Supdaily]:

stop you.

[Visa Anderson]:

change anything or stop me.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so yeah, there were, you know, a few years where, you know, I would leave the house and she would just kind of shake her head. and feel disappointed that that's who I was. But eventually, and we'll get to that later, she's a lot for work right now. So after that, I started presenting as female, started growing my hair out, started, I just, I remember I went out with a girlfriend of mine and we just went makeup shopping and just bought everything and I started working on my makeup. I will say that the one thing that... kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I was trans, was that I had a friend who was identifying as gender fluid and they did my makeup and put me in a wig and that's when that was that like light bulb moment where I was like, this feels right.

[Supdaily]:

It had to feel really good to go out and

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

do all those girly things, you know?

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah, absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And the crazy thing is I look back on all those years and how... how different I looked back then, but I still never felt ashamed of who I was. Like I

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

still went out there and I was, you know, I still, I dealt with a lot of the like he, him pronouns or like the accidental like misgenderings and all of that. But I was so like, I was very realistic with the fact that like, I know I don't look stereotypically female right now. So I was okay with people. I told people at work, I was like, if you want to use he, him pronouns, like I'm not gonna get offended right now. but I was so blessed with a great group of co-workers that immediately made the switch and just went straight to calling me Shi.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

But yeah, so after that... Then I started hormones a year later, and that was for me fairly easy. I didn't have to have any sort of mental health evaluations. At least in the state of Washington, I don't think, I don't know, it's been a while since it's been, 2017 was when I started hormones. I really just, I just set up an appointment with the... women's clinic and they took that as my diagnosis and they drew blood and did some tests and they started me on a really, really, really low dose of estrogen and testosterone blockers and eventually like a month later that's when they kind of upped my dosage and then they would just sort of monitor every like six months and I was on pills for the first three years and then I switched to patches. I feel like a lot of people don't, a lot of trans people don't recognize or remember is that these types of hormones, they come with a lot of risks too. They come with the risk of blood clots and major health concerns. So I immediately, I was on pills for, yeah, for three years. And then those things just kind of scared me. And...

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so I switched to patches, which is the risk for blood clots with the patches is a lot lower. And being on pills, I developed a lot of the things that you naturally would develop with being on hormones. So I had already had everything that I was going to have. And so I decided to make that switch over because I was like, okay, well, I don't want a blood clot. That doesn't sound fun. And so anyway, I... Being on hormones, that was a very interesting experience.

[Supdaily]:

What changed for you when you got on hormones?

[Visa Anderson]:

So immediately I started getting, I started having breast growth and that was painful.

[Supdaily]:

Painful?

[Visa Anderson]:

It was, yeah, it was, I mean, they're very sensitive. I'll just say that. They

[Supdaily]:

Mmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

felt like little knots underneath. my nipple

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

and as they would grow like they just would get bigger and bigger and bigger like the knots would get bigger and bigger bigger and every time you would like I would you know hit it or like say you know run down the stairs or something it was super painful and like sensitive

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

and I'm sure you know any other cis woman can identify with that you know

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, the

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah

[Supdaily]:

people watching right now are like, yes, puberty boobs are painful. Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

they suck

[Supdaily]:

Never went through

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

that process. So I don't know.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, yeah, well you're lucky.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, but I, um, eventually, you know, that went away and I grew like, uh, I would say they were tiny little... They're little like mosquito bites,

[Supdaily]:

They

[Visa Anderson]:

but

[Supdaily]:

were cute!

[Visa Anderson]:

they were, but they were, yeah, they were cute. But I, and at one point I was totally fine with just keeping them and not getting, you know, a breast augmentation or anything like that because I was like, oh, it's fine. The main, my main priority was like, I did not like what was between my legs. And I wanted that gone.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

to, I wanted to feel like that's what I knew was going to make me feel validated in my gender and feel comfortable in my own body.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Because it was something that when I, I would never look at myself like getting into the shower or anything like that. It just felt, you know, wrong. And so, yeah, that happened. A lot of, I experienced a lot of mood swings, a lot of just... irritability and it was so funny because I hadn't told my mom I was on hormones at the time. I hadn't told her, I think I didn't tell her until I was like probably a year or so on hormones that

[Supdaily]:

Oh wow.

[Visa Anderson]:

I was on them. Yeah. And so she used to just wonder why I was so irritable all the time and like would get so like angsty and you know, and I didn't and there were so many times where I got so close to telling her because I was that angry but I never did not until you know a year later

[Supdaily]:

Did

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

um.

[Supdaily]:

feel like your body had been taken over at that point? Because like you haven't experienced these types of hormones and it's causing you to act like a very different person.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I don't, it didn't feel like my body had gotten taken over, but it just, it felt right though. Like it felt like this is supposed to happen.

[Supdaily]:

being

[Visa Anderson]:

Like

[Supdaily]:

irritable

[Visa Anderson]:

I...

[Supdaily]:

feels like the right thing to happen.

[Visa Anderson]:

no, no, no, no. I meant the,

[Supdaily]:

I'm pissed

[Visa Anderson]:

the...

[Supdaily]:

all the time and

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

I'm...

[Visa Anderson]:

I saw it as like I'm trusting the process right now and

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

this is what I have to go through in order to be the woman that I want to be.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And you know, and I... I spent a lot of time talking to my cisgender female friends being like, is this what you went through? Is this something that sounds familiar to you? Is this something that like... And they always validated me and were like, yes, absolutely. This is, you know, I, when I was like, nine, you know, I was like 13 or whatever, like, you know, this is what I experienced. And so that, yeah, I didn't feel like it was somebody taking over or anything. that, but

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

eventually all of that sort of, you know, subsided and now I'm much more level and, you know, but I do PMS like, you know, once a month and it's, and I can.

[Supdaily]:

I don't have the experience, but I have the pleasure of being on the receiving end of it and it is not a good time.

[Visa Anderson]:

No, it's

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

not.

[Supdaily]:

spent all my time so confused how I'm in trouble for something I didn't do.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Dream Me did something and I'm apologizing for your subconscious and

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly,

[Supdaily]:

it's

[Visa Anderson]:

exactly.

[Supdaily]:

really, I'm going to be honest. I am sensitive to what women are going through, but also like, come on, like ease up on

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

me a little bit,

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

know,

[Supdaily]:

know.

[Visa Anderson]:

I know. And I mean, you know, and it was so funny when I, cause I remember specifically the day that it, I sort of had that light bulb on the room, like, oh, this is something that's like reoccurring. And I'm like kind of like, I'm PMSing once a month. And it was like, after I'd had my top surgery, I like went up to my room and like just sat there for a little while. And I just started crying for no reason. And I was like, I called up my friend and I was like, hey girl, I don't know why I'm so upset. Like I just need to talk to you, but I don't know why I'm crying. Like the tears just started falling out. Just like girl, it sounds like you're on your period. And I'm like, you could be right. You might be onto something here.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so, and it's funny because I can feel it coming on. Like I can feel it coming on like the week before. Usually I'm like, oh, this is gonna happen. Like

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

can

[Supdaily]:

can

[Visa Anderson]:

already tell.

[Supdaily]:

I.

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, you just feel a shift, a change in the winds, you

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

know.

[Supdaily]:

know that I need to tread lightly and bring chocolate.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes. Yeah. Um, but that's been really interesting. Um, you know, navigating that and, and obviously like libido was affected as well. Um, I didn't feel the constant need to, to masturbate all the time.

[Supdaily]:

Was that a relief?

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, yeah, absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

I'm starting

[Visa Anderson]:

It

[Supdaily]:

to

[Visa Anderson]:

was.

[Supdaily]:

get that a little bit now as my testosterone wanes, you know, cause I'm getting

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm.

[Supdaily]:

older. Like I did not like constantly thinking about that stuff.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Like not thinking about this as I get older, my testosterone dips, it's

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

freedom. I feel actually

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure.

[Supdaily]:

in control.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, yeah, I, um, I'm in a place, well, now, especially after being, I felt like I had more of a handle on it, you

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

know? Um, it wasn't something that I was just like, I didn't think about it anymore. I still thought about it, but it was like, I can go, like... a whole week without touching myself. Like, it's not

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

a big deal. And also back then, being pre-op, it still didn't feel right. It still didn't feel, like it felt like a chore. Even when I did kind of have that feeling where I was like, oh, okay, I'm feeling a little spicy. Let's,

[Supdaily]:

Hmm

[Visa Anderson]:

you know. But it still, it didn't feel right. So after starting hormones, going through all of that, I... I kind of put my transition on hold for a couple of years and just kind of kept it where I was, like on the hormones and that's it. I entered a relationship and I felt like, a little complacent in it and I felt like, oh, well, he seems fine with everything so I don't have to get these surgeries right now. But

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

I started the process. I... met with a surgeon, had a consultation. And then as soon as I got back, I was supposed to start getting all these letters of approval or like letters of support, excuse me, and going to all these therapists and getting letters from my doctor and the doctor that prescribes my hormones. And there's so many letters that go into it that I just got so like, I again, I was so complacent in my relationship that I was just like, well, I'm not gonna put any effort into this right now. If he doesn't mind that I have a dick, you know, whatever. But

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

again, that stems from like low self-esteem

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

and not putting myself first. And so eventually that relationship, you know, it ends. We break up for the first time, we got back together, you know, a couple of times. But I took that, I took that moment to, I think, like right after we broke up, I got a phone call from the doctor's office that I had spoken to and... they were like, hey, were you still planning on getting your surgery done? We still need, cause I think I had maybe gotten one letter sent over or something like that. And,

[Supdaily]:

What

[Visa Anderson]:

um,

[Supdaily]:

are these letters that you're talking about?

[Visa Anderson]:

So, there are letters of support, at least in the state of Washington, you need for insurance or for state insurance to cover it. There's this whole criteria, this list of criteria that you need. You need two letters, at least for me at the time. I don't know if it's changed or not, but for me at the time, I needed two letters of support from two separate mental health specialists. I needed a letter of support from my doctor that prescribed my hormones. I needed a referral from my primary doctor. And then, I'm trying to think, there may have been something else, but I don't remember.

[Supdaily]:

So it seems like

[Visa Anderson]:

Excuse

[Supdaily]:

all

[Visa Anderson]:

me.

[Supdaily]:

the letters I was speaking about previously are not for the hormones, but for the actual physical transformation.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes, for surgical things

[Supdaily]:

Surgical

[Visa Anderson]:

because

[Supdaily]:

things,

[Visa Anderson]:

it

[Supdaily]:

yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

is an, it's an irreversible procedure, at least bottom surgery is. And. So, but I had to get letters for both top and bottom. So I met with, so what happened was I got a call from that office and I was like, well, you know what? Now is, you know, no better time than now to

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

start focusing on myself. And so I had another consultation because it had been a year or over a year since I had met with the doctor again and he had moved to a completely different office and yeah. And so I sat down and I met with him and he was like, were we looking into getting top surgery as well. And I was like, well, since it's covered, why not? Let's

[Supdaily]:

Yeah!

[Visa Anderson]:

just, let's look at some boobs. Why not? And so I, you know, they set me up with like a little bra situation and I tried on some implants and I was like, well, yeah, why not? Let's,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

let's, let's, let's throw that in there too. So luckily I didn't have to get separate letters just for that. They used the letters that I got specifically just for bottom surgery and just kind of roped it in together. And they're like, you know, these are the, these will count for both.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And then a couple, I would say a couple of weeks later or maybe a month later, I got the approval from the state to get those surgeries. And then originally I was going to, excuse me, I was going to have them both in one go, like one day to top surgery

[Supdaily]:

top

[Visa Anderson]:

and then

[Supdaily]:

and

[Visa Anderson]:

a couple

[Supdaily]:

bottom.

[Visa Anderson]:

of days later, yeah. And then a couple of days later I would

[Supdaily]:

Oof.

[Visa Anderson]:

do bottom surgery. that seemed like it was gonna be a lot.

[Supdaily]:

Yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so I waited, I put like six months in between both surgeries. So in September of 2020, I got my top surgery and I went with like, I think like 350 cc's. I'm a C cup now.

[Supdaily]:

Of course.

[Visa Anderson]:

Originally, yeah, originally I was a very small B cup and I was even surprised when my doctor did the measurements and everything. I was like, are you sure? Because I'm wearing A cups right now. And those seemed to be more comfortably.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And I was like, I don't know. I may need to look at your tape measure. But anyway, I actually feel like I felt... super validated after that and like I liked having the fuller look of my breasts and

[Supdaily]:

more like more womanly, you know,

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah

[Supdaily]:

like.

[Visa Anderson]:

absolutely. And so I was like that was definitely like to me I was like that was the right decision to make. I feel very very happy with that decision. And so then six months later I did bottom I had my bottom surgery and that had a lot of prep work that went into it and that was God that was rough. Um, so I had to get electrolysis done down there.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And that is the most invasive, uncomfortable experience that

[Supdaily]:

Cause

[Visa Anderson]:

I,

[Supdaily]:

you,

[Visa Anderson]:

as a pre-op trans person

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

that

[Supdaily]:

don't

[Visa Anderson]:

wants

[Supdaily]:

like

[Visa Anderson]:

bottom

[Supdaily]:

that part

[Visa Anderson]:

surgery,

[Supdaily]:

at all. Like,

[Visa Anderson]:

no.

[Supdaily]:

so you're, you

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

don't want

[Visa Anderson]:

I didn't

[Supdaily]:

it

[Visa Anderson]:

identify it.

[Supdaily]:

anything around

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

there at all. And then

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

my understanding is it feels like someone's taking a rubber band and slapping your skin over

[Visa Anderson]:

So that's

[Supdaily]:

and over and over

[Visa Anderson]:

laser.

[Supdaily]:

again.

[Visa Anderson]:

So that's laser

[Supdaily]:

Oh,

[Visa Anderson]:

hair removal.

[Supdaily]:

okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I did that on my face, but I didn't do that down there. This is way more invasive.

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

Electrolysis is a tiny little needle that they stick into your hair follicle and they zap it and kill the hair follicle.

[Supdaily]:

Don't like that.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, so. they had not only did they have to do that but they also had to numb me down there so I had to get like vials of like lidocaine injected into me down there

[Supdaily]:

Like

[Visa Anderson]:

multiple times.

[Supdaily]:

into the shaft or like,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, into

[Supdaily]:

oh

[Visa Anderson]:

the balls, into

[Supdaily]:

no.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. Yeah and but that but this is you know it's necessary for the type of surgery that I got. I had the penile inversion. technique. And...

[Supdaily]:

Is it insulting to ask how that works? Like,

[Visa Anderson]:

Not at all. I can absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

how do they form a vagina from a penis?

[Visa Anderson]:

So I remember we had talked about this a long time ago when I was pre-op and I had a certain understanding of what it was. But that's definitely I look back and I'm like, that's not

[Supdaily]:

Okay,

[Visa Anderson]:

what it is

[Supdaily]:

so how

[Visa Anderson]:

at all.

[Supdaily]:

do they turn it into, how do they go

[Visa Anderson]:

So,

[Supdaily]:

from penis to vagina, how?

[Visa Anderson]:

so, I mean, I think some of the ways I explained it were still kind of on the nose, but What they do basically is they invert the penis. And obviously you need electrolysis because they still use the skin from the scrotum to extend the canal.

[Supdaily]:

Oh,

[Visa Anderson]:

And you obviously

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

don't

[Supdaily]:

your

[Visa Anderson]:

want.

[Supdaily]:

vaginal canal is your scrotum.

[Visa Anderson]:

and the shaft of my penis.

[Supdaily]:

So

[Visa Anderson]:

Together.

[Supdaily]:

do they like cut the shaft in half or something like that and tuck it in

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

or like how does that work?

[Visa Anderson]:

So what they do is they cut around... Are you ready for this? I don't

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

know.

[Supdaily]:

know you get it. You get it.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

You know, like anything like grazing or everything is just

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah?

[Supdaily]:

really

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

sensitive down there. So but I'm buckled up. OK, tell me

[Visa Anderson]:

You

[Supdaily]:

what

[Visa Anderson]:

ready?

[Supdaily]:

they do.

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay,

[Supdaily]:

Tell me what they

[Visa Anderson]:

all

[Supdaily]:

do.

[Visa Anderson]:

right. So they obviously they take the penis, they cut around the head and pull down the skin of the shaft.

[Supdaily]:

Oh, okay. Keep going.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, they remove the erectile tissue and then they turn the head of the penis into a clitoris.

[Supdaily]:

AHHHHH

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, and then they basically what they do is they pull... the, so they remove the scrotal skin as well, obviously take out the balls,

[Supdaily]:

Uh-huh.

[Visa Anderson]:

and then they basically invert it, so they basically like kind of like tie a thread to it, pull it through. They create a hole for both your... like, you know, your urethra and your clitoris. And obviously the shaft is like the canal, like that's

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

where, you know. And so basically, yeah, they create a whole, and they shorten your urethra, and then they just kind of sew everything up, make it all pretty. And yeah, I mean, that's kind of the short answer.

[Supdaily]:

Do you know if the, if, I mean, they're all all painful. I've witnessed you transition. I've witnessed someone transition female to male. It seemed like female to male was a lot tougher or more painful.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, I obviously can't speak to that experience, but I've seen other people go through it. They always say it's a lot easier to make a vagina out of a penis because you already have all the body parts there.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Whereas when you make a vagina into a penis, you have to, you need skin grafts, and you need all this extra stuff.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, took it from his arm

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

and then took stuff from his butt and put it in his arm. And like

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that, it happened in three different stages too. So it was

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

like,

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

it was like, I mean, it's all painful. Everything you described

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure.

[Supdaily]:

sounds absolutely horrendous.

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh yeah,

[Supdaily]:

No, thank

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

you.

[Visa Anderson]:

It was the worst week of my life. Like the

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

first week of recovery was awful.

[Supdaily]:

Describe what it feels like after you've had bottom surgery.

[Visa Anderson]:

So it really feels like for me, it felt like I was, well, immediately right after, I felt like I was just tucked really like, you know, intensely, like I just was, you know. because it didn't feel like I, I still felt like I had a penis. Like, because you have all this packing on you and inside you. Um, and I had these like drains. Um, and like it just, and also, so I was, all this packing was taped on to me, but it was taped onto me so tight that I wasn't able to straighten my back. So I had really bad back problems after

[Supdaily]:

Oh no.

[Visa Anderson]:

that first, like those first two weeks out and then they took the packing off. Um, But you, it felt like I was just like, I was tucked really tight for a while. And then I had like a catheter and everything and those things are the worst.

[Supdaily]:

Yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

They suck. The most uncomfortable experience of my life. But then you eventually get everything off and then you can breathe a little bit more. You feel really numb afterwards.

[Supdaily]:

Oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, obviously, because the nerve endings are still healing and they're all coming back. And that was really interesting to have, like, you know, because they told me they're like, you're gonna feel little like electric shocks as the nerves start to wake up again. And so I would just randomly get like a weird like twinned or something, you know,

[Supdaily]:

No!

[Visa Anderson]:

throughout the day. Yeah. And so when I got the packing taken off, well, actually here, let's rewind a little bit. So when I still had all that packing on, there was still a lot of stuff that I had to, like I had to walk around a lot, obviously to prevent blood clots or anything like that. I

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

was also off hormones. I had to be off hormones for two weeks prior and two weeks post. So I was also experiencing like hot flashes

[Supdaily]:

Huh.

[Visa Anderson]:

and like, yeah, and you know, going through like a temporary menopause, basically. And... that was hard within itself. And then... there was a point in time where like, in the very beginning, I started to run a fever and we had to call the doctor and be like, hey, what's going on? And it was because I wasn't moving around. I only spent one night in the hospital.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so I had a team of nurses that were there for me to handle my pain and stuff like that. And then obviously my mom and I stayed in an Airbnb for like two weeks. And so she was the one that was taking care of me. And it's not that she didn't know what to do. There were just a lot of things that she was still confused by. Obviously I was on like, you know, painkillers and stuff like that. But it got to a point where I had started to get a fever and my doctor was like, well, you need to move around. You need to start walking around the house. And walking was really hard. I would go on walks like in the hospital, like just around, you know, just the parameter of the floor. But...

[Supdaily]:

Are you in the hospital for a week?

[Visa Anderson]:

No, no. At the time, they told me, at the time, they were like, you can go home today if you want. And I was like, no, I'm staying in the hospital where there is a team of nurses to help me.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I stayed in the hospital, but they were, it was, I guess, beforehand. So when I had the consultation first, like a year ago, They told me that I was gonna be in the hospital. Like they gave me the rundown and they're like, you're gonna be in the hospital for a couple of weeks. And you will go to like, they had like a recovery home

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

for that, but because of COVID, they were just sending people home. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, I'm

[Supdaily]:

me.

[Visa Anderson]:

gonna go ahead and do a little bit

[Supdaily]:

So I mean,

[Visa Anderson]:

of a

[Supdaily]:

I'm listening to all this. And everything that you went through was time consuming, painful, confusing. And you hear people the way they talk about trans people now, as if it's just like some attention seeking

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

thing, but you're going

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

through so you have to have letters and you have to

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

like, you basically

[Visa Anderson]:

Like I promise I didn't wake up one day and say, you know what, I think I'm gonna make my life.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, what do you say to people who are just like, oh, like, what are the things that you've heard from people about trans folks and their transition, basically complaining?

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, so recently, I think as of today though, I'm hearing a lot of cis women talking about, I don't know why we are changing the definition of a woman or, you know, because of certain language

[Supdaily]:

which

[Visa Anderson]:

that's

[Supdaily]:

is

[Visa Anderson]:

being

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

used

[Supdaily]:

interesting

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

because so many of

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

these women are so woke.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right,

[Supdaily]:

But now

[Visa Anderson]:

exactly.

[Supdaily]:

they're saying someone like you is occupying a space that's meant for women,

[Visa Anderson]:

Right,

[Supdaily]:

but you

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

are a woman.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

What do you say to stuff like that?

[Visa Anderson]:

So I basically, I mean, I try not to engage with a lot of people because I'm just so over it at this point. But I think if something feels absolutely like incorrect, if somebody says something that's completely out of turn and incorrect, like I will stand up for my community and say, well. you know, that's not what's happening. Nobody's changing the definition of a woman. I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable with that, but this is the way that our society is evolving. And you either get with it or you don't, and that's your choice. But don't sit here and condemn me as a person for merely existing. I have nothing, like my existence has nothing to do with you.

[Supdaily]:

The end

[Visa Anderson]:

You,

[Supdaily]:

point blank period.

[Visa Anderson]:

right. And I deal with that a lot in my job. Because there are a lot of older folks that I've worked with in the past.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm a flight attendant, so I've dealt with a lot of senior mamas that are still kind of stuck in their ways. I work for a very progressive airline though, which is great. So we

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

have a great support system for those types of things. But yeah. Anyway, I don't, I try not to waste my time with ignorant people because there's only so much that you can say, but they're all still going to be stuck in their ways and there's still, there's not much that will, you know, in my experience there's just not much that will change their mind. And

[Supdaily]:

We

[Visa Anderson]:

if the, you know, we...

[Supdaily]:

have the whole trans bathroom thing, right?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

So people are pushing legislation to make you use the bathroom for the gender you were assigned at birth. But then when you would have to enter into a men's bathroom, they also have a problem with that. How do you deal with that?

[Visa Anderson]:

Right. So, I mean, I have always, you know, I'm lucky enough to live in a place where it's very, very progressive and we don't, you know, I don't necessarily deal with a lot of those issues, but I definitely... that's such a hard question to answer because I haven't, I'll be honest, I have not faced a lot of discrimination. as a trans

[Supdaily]:

It's just

[Visa Anderson]:

person.

[Supdaily]:

like, what do they expect trans people to do

[Visa Anderson]:

Right,

[Supdaily]:

if you

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

make the law and then they follow the law, but you also don't like that? What do you want trans people

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

to do? Pee outside?

[Visa Anderson]:

well yeah, it basically, the point is, you know, like I said, it's like that song, I guess I'll just piss on the floor.

[Supdaily]:

Yes!

[Visa Anderson]:

Like if that's what you want me to do, you don't want me to go, you don't want me in the men's bathroom, you don't want me in the women's bathroom, what do you want me to do then? I'll just piss on the floor, how about that? I'm gonna do that.

[Supdaily]:

And your bathroom at home is unisex. Hate to break it to you.

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly. Yeah, this whole issue about gender neutral bathrooms, you do realize that your home bathroom is a gender neutral bathroom.

[Supdaily]:

I try to explain to people you have peed probably more than once next to a trans person and didn't

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

know it because we aren't checking each other's genitals,

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly!

[Supdaily]:

especially

[Visa Anderson]:

I am not

[Supdaily]:

the men's

[Visa Anderson]:

in the bathroom.

[Supdaily]:

room. You

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

get it. You

[Visa Anderson]:

I am

[Supdaily]:

don't

[Visa Anderson]:

not.

[Supdaily]:

even make eye contact with people.

[Visa Anderson]:

No, no, I see I never, I only ever used a urinal when I was a man. I never, I only ever used a urinal if I was alone in the bathroom.

[Supdaily]:

Wait, what?

[Visa Anderson]:

If there was anybody in there, went straight to

[Supdaily]:

Cause

[Visa Anderson]:

the stall.

[Supdaily]:

you were just uncomfortable.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

The only time I'm uncomfortable is when you go to the baseball games and they have the troughs where it's just like people,

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh god.

[Supdaily]:

they have the troughs that

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

are just like, and you're lined up with

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

five guys, no separation and there's

[Visa Anderson]:

Nope.

[Supdaily]:

ice in

[Visa Anderson]:

Yep.

[Supdaily]:

the trough. And it's

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

so disgusting

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

and

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

would avoid

[Supdaily]:

intimate.

[Visa Anderson]:

that like the plague.

[Supdaily]:

Me too.

[Visa Anderson]:

Nope. If there was ever like, you know, if there was ever, if there was anybody in there, like at all in the men's room when I identified his mail straight to the stall.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And if I had to wait for it, I would wait for it. So.

[Supdaily]:

I mean, there's so many rules about the men's restroom that like we don't learn, we just know like you don't make eye contact, there's always a space between the urinals. Otherwise,

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

you use the stall or you wait, no conversation.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

That's why the

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

men's lines are so much shorter is because

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

it seems like now mind you, I haven't had the experience of being in a ladies restroom, but it seems like it's much more of an experience than actually just relieving yourself.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right. I feel like, you know, women, we tend to, you know, linger a little bit longer.

[Supdaily]:

Especially

[Visa Anderson]:

And

[Supdaily]:

if y'all

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

are

[Visa Anderson]:

mean,

[Supdaily]:

drunk, you guys are like the biggest

[Visa Anderson]:

oh yeah,

[Supdaily]:

high people for

[Visa Anderson]:

we're

[Supdaily]:

each other,

[Visa Anderson]:

all,

[Supdaily]:

but always

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah,

[Supdaily]:

in the bathroom.

[Visa Anderson]:

always in the bathroom. And there's multiple, there's multiples of us like in one stall, just

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

switching out,

[Supdaily]:

Wait,

[Visa Anderson]:

you know?

[Supdaily]:

what?

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean,

[Supdaily]:

Tell

[Visa Anderson]:

like,

[Supdaily]:

me the secrets of the women's restroom. Why

[Visa Anderson]:

so

[Supdaily]:

does

[Visa Anderson]:

at

[Supdaily]:

it?

[Visa Anderson]:

least

[Supdaily]:

Why

[Visa Anderson]:

for

[Supdaily]:

are

[Visa Anderson]:

me,

[Supdaily]:

the lines

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

know

[Supdaily]:

long

[Visa Anderson]:

that like...

[Supdaily]:

there?

[Visa Anderson]:

Honestly, I mean, if I'm drinking, if I'm out with my girls and like, we all need to go pee and we go to the bathroom together, like, let's just go run into the same stall. It's just easier. Like, you

[Supdaily]:

Why

[Visa Anderson]:

know,

[Supdaily]:

is that easier?

[Visa Anderson]:

um, I don't know. It

[Supdaily]:

It's

[Visa Anderson]:

just

[Supdaily]:

not.

[Visa Anderson]:

is.

[Supdaily]:

You guys end up talking and taking much

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

longer.

[Visa Anderson]:

That's why we, that's why we take so long.

[Supdaily]:

and you're in the women's restroom, so it's

[Visa Anderson]:

It's

[Supdaily]:

not

[Visa Anderson]:

a comfort

[Supdaily]:

like you have

[Visa Anderson]:

thing

[Supdaily]:

to protect

[Visa Anderson]:

too.

[Supdaily]:

yourself

[Visa Anderson]:

It's,

[Supdaily]:

from men in there,

[Visa Anderson]:

I know,

[Supdaily]:

like.

[Visa Anderson]:

I know, but it's just kind of like, you know, with my friends, I'm like, you know, even in my own home, like, or like if I'm at their place and like, I gotta pee, will you come sit with me while I pee?

[Supdaily]:

Do

[Visa Anderson]:

Like,

[Supdaily]:

you guys have couches in your bathrooms?

[Visa Anderson]:

um, some do. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Ew, what about urine? Well, I guess it doesn't fly as much. I

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

pee sitting down. You know what? I'm saying it to the world now.

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm out.

[Supdaily]:

I pee sitting down. It's so much more comfortable. Nothing splashes

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm sorry.

[Supdaily]:

and I get to relax. I can scroll until my legs go numb. And

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly.

[Supdaily]:

it's just like, why am I being shamed for peeing sitting down when it's just a much superior way to go

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

pee?

[Visa Anderson]:

don't think there's anything wrong with a man sitting and peeing. That is not a big deal.

[Supdaily]:

And I don't pee

[Visa Anderson]:

Like,

[Supdaily]:

on the seat. I don't

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah,

[Supdaily]:

make a mess.

[Visa Anderson]:

that is the reason why. I'm like, there's no mess. Like, it's okay.

[Supdaily]:

It's like you shame me for getting pee on the seat, but you also shame me for sitting down when I pee.

[Visa Anderson]:

You, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Supdaily]:

I know, so are

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

you. There

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

seems

[Visa Anderson]:

know.

[Supdaily]:

to be a,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

there's our comradery, there's our

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

solidarity. We both have, I mean, it's very different, I guess,

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure.

[Supdaily]:

but still

[Visa Anderson]:

But I mean,

[Supdaily]:

not fun.

[Visa Anderson]:

my main point is like, I'm not, I'm not in the women's restroom to peek at anybody.

[Supdaily]:

You're

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm

[Supdaily]:

there

[Visa Anderson]:

here to

[Supdaily]:

to pee,

[Visa Anderson]:

pee.

[Supdaily]:

that's

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm

[Supdaily]:

it.

[Visa Anderson]:

here to pee. I'm here to just

[Supdaily]:

And

[Visa Anderson]:

do

[Supdaily]:

sometimes

[Visa Anderson]:

my business

[Supdaily]:

take

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

big

[Visa Anderson]:

get

[Supdaily]:

dumpies.

[Visa Anderson]:

out and

[Supdaily]:

I feel like you take

[Visa Anderson]:

be

[Supdaily]:

big

[Visa Anderson]:

sure.

[Supdaily]:

dumps.

[Visa Anderson]:

I don't know about that. I don't know about big, but I

[Supdaily]:

Okay, speaking of big though.

[Visa Anderson]:

actually, you know what? No, I don't poop. What are you talking about?

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

a

[Supdaily]:

know.

[Visa Anderson]:

girl. Girls don't

[Supdaily]:

No,

[Visa Anderson]:

poop.

[Supdaily]:

girls don't poop or fart.

[Visa Anderson]:

Girls

[Supdaily]:

I know.

[Visa Anderson]:

don't poop. No, yeah.

[Supdaily]:

But speaking of big, we did have a conversation about and tell me if this is too intimate about dialators.

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay, so that's I was actually gonna get into that.

[Supdaily]:

Okay,

[Visa Anderson]:

So

[Supdaily]:

the

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

whole concept of that's like, how does the dial a dial later thing? What does it like? Stick? How does

[Visa Anderson]:

How

[Supdaily]:

it work?

[Visa Anderson]:

does the dilator dilate?

[Supdaily]:

Like you just open it and then it stays open. Cause in my experiences, they go back.

[Visa Anderson]:

So

[Supdaily]:

Do you have to die late forever?

[Visa Anderson]:

yes,

[Supdaily]:

What?

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

No, but

[Visa Anderson]:

Well yeah because,

[Supdaily]:

you have a penis on deck though, so.

[Visa Anderson]:

well yes, yeah,

[Supdaily]:

He's your

[Visa Anderson]:

I do

[Supdaily]:

boyfriend,

[Visa Anderson]:

have one at my disposal,

[Supdaily]:

but

[Visa Anderson]:

yes.

[Supdaily]:

let's

[Visa Anderson]:

But

[Supdaily]:

call him your boyfriend.

[Visa Anderson]:

that's not, that's, that's not always, that's not always, let me try to say.

[Supdaily]:

Possible? Available?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, I mean, so we're in a long distance relationship, so I don't see him, you

[Supdaily]:

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

[Visa Anderson]:

know, every single day. So, if I, you know, if we lived together and we're having sex every single day, yeah, I wouldn't need to dilate. But I do need to because I'm not

[Supdaily]:

What's a

[Visa Anderson]:

at

[Supdaily]:

dialator?

[Visa Anderson]:

risk of things.

[Supdaily]:

Explain

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay,

[Supdaily]:

to people.

[Visa Anderson]:

so a dilator is basically an acrylic, like, or glass, and it, where, you know, depending on where you get your surgery. basically like a rod. It's kind of curved at the end to

[Supdaily]:

Some

[Visa Anderson]:

kind

[Supdaily]:

are.

[Visa Anderson]:

of, yeah, but they're curved at the end to go with the natural curvature of your vaginal canal. So the way that my vagina is constructed or is as a trans woman is so my pubic bone sits lower.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm

[Visa Anderson]:

So it is sort of at an angle.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

So like certain positions are still possible like for sex, but you have to do a little extra maneuvering.

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

But yeah, so you, they're curved at the end and there are a multitude of sizes. For me, I have four dilators that I use. Currently, I only use the first three, but the my vagina can stretch up to the biggest one. which is

[Supdaily]:

Should

[Visa Anderson]:

like,

[Supdaily]:

we call that the daddy dilator?

[Visa Anderson]:

that is the daddy dilator, yes. That is indeed the daddy

[Supdaily]:

It

[Visa Anderson]:

dilator,

[Supdaily]:

is. Yes.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. And so, you know, basically what they did for me was I had to start dilating with the first very small one,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

maybe like that big. And even like, you know, that was so, to me it felt huge because, you

[Supdaily]:

Like

[Visa Anderson]:

know.

[Supdaily]:

what do you feel?

[Visa Anderson]:

So it feels... So here's the thing. It feels good, but it doesn't feel like... There's no pleasure. You know, I don't feel pleasure out of it. I'm not turned on when I do it.

[Supdaily]:

You're talking

[Visa Anderson]:

It's...

[Supdaily]:

about just a dilation not

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

actual

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Supdaily]:

intercourse

[Visa Anderson]:

No. So if we're just speaking dilation, it doesn't feel

[Supdaily]:

Well, yeah, it's

[Visa Anderson]:

like...

[Supdaily]:

like this smooth rod. Like

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

there's

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

no one attached to it.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And another thing about... about the way my vagina is constructed. So obviously males have their G-spot or their prostate in their anus. They moved my vaginal canal in between there. So now my G-spot is in my vagina. So that like I've received pleasure

[Supdaily]:

Ah.

[Visa Anderson]:

from vaginal intercourse.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, women's intake and an exhaust are like very close to each other.

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

That's right there.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I do have a G-spot and everything, and it feels just great when it's stimulated.

[Supdaily]:

And you feel

[Visa Anderson]:

But

[Supdaily]:

full pleasure when you have

[Visa Anderson]:

yes.

[Supdaily]:

sex?

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

God,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that's awesome.

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

I'm sorry,

[Visa Anderson]:

It's pretty great.

[Supdaily]:

I just got very excited for your sexual pleasure.

[Visa Anderson]:

No, I'm

[Supdaily]:

Ha

[Visa Anderson]:

excited

[Supdaily]:

ha ha ha ha.

[Visa Anderson]:

for me too, because, well, because for so long, and you've known this, I mean, you've known me for a while. I was a virgin for so long, and

[Supdaily]:

Yeah!

[Visa Anderson]:

so... I eventually lost my virginity and stuff like that, and it felt fine, it was great. But I also experienced, after that, I also got my first yeast infection, so that was fun.

[Supdaily]:

All right.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, so that was a very woman-defining moment, shooting monistat up into my cooter.

[Supdaily]:

But having monistat must have still been also a gender-affirming

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

moment.

[Visa Anderson]:

totally.

[Supdaily]:

Isn't that

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

weird to think about? Like,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

I got a yeast infection. I'm

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

a

[Visa Anderson]:

got

[Supdaily]:

woman

[Visa Anderson]:

a yeast

[Supdaily]:

though!

[Visa Anderson]:

infection.

[Supdaily]:

You know,

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm a woman. Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that's

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

exciting.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. And it was, it wasn't fun. I'll tell you that.

[Supdaily]:

No.

[Visa Anderson]:

But I mean, but it was very like, okay, yeah, I'm a woman now. Like, and I, you know, I told my girlfriends, well, welcome to womanhood. There you go. Like I still have yet to knock on wood, have my first UTI, but I'm,

[Supdaily]:

They're

[Visa Anderson]:

you

[Supdaily]:

not a good time.

[Visa Anderson]:

know, no, I've heard.

[Supdaily]:

No,

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

I mean,

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm

[Supdaily]:

I.

[Visa Anderson]:

a lot more susceptible to them now.

[Supdaily]:

Yes, yes. I, you know, we there's a lot of talk about like aftercare, you know, like

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

when you're having sex or something, you take care of them afterwards. And one of my moments of aftercare is to look at her and say, go pee.

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly.

[Supdaily]:

And you know

[Visa Anderson]:

Pee

[Supdaily]:

what,

[Visa Anderson]:

after sex.

[Supdaily]:

and she anytime they've been like, Oh, yeah, thank you. And, and, and they

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

go away, or they're like, how did you know it's like, look, just do what's best for your body.

[Visa Anderson]:

Exactly,

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. I am always constantly dealing with this and you know, I, so I'll be honest, I don't, I have not experienced an orgasm with a partner yet, or like a clitoral orgasm with a partner.

[Supdaily]:

So you really

[Visa Anderson]:

I've...

[Supdaily]:

are from a really really have become a woman

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. And it's still something that I'm learning every single day. Like it's something that I, it's a completely mental thing

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

because

[Supdaily]:

my

[Visa Anderson]:

I can.

[Supdaily]:

understanding is orgasms are so mental, more so for

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

women. So you're

[Visa Anderson]:

yes.

[Supdaily]:

just you're just having that really authentic experience.

[Visa Anderson]:

The switch that I had from orgasming with a penis and orgasming with a vagina, I had to relearn everything. And I'll admit the very first time I had an orgasm with a vagina, I felt like I was laying on a bed of flowers. I giggled. It was a magical experience. But I think I was just so used to, you know, only pleasuring myself by myself and feeling comfortable with that, that bringing somebody else into the mix, it was like, I don't feel comfortable having an audience. I don't feel comfortable

[Supdaily]:

So

[Visa Anderson]:

having you watch me do this.

[Supdaily]:

you have experienced an orgasm vaginally, just not clitorally. Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, so like a G-spot orgasm,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

basically. But.

[Supdaily]:

I thought G-Spot was inside.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

It is.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. It's like,

[Supdaily]:

Wait,

[Visa Anderson]:

it's like,

[Supdaily]:

I'm confused. If

[Visa Anderson]:

so

[Supdaily]:

it's inside and you've

[Visa Anderson]:

what

[Supdaily]:

worked.

[Visa Anderson]:

I will, so what happens, it doesn't facilitate like an orgasm that releases any sort of like fluid. It just feels like I get like full body like shakes and like tremors and stuff like that. Like

[Supdaily]:

Once

[Visa Anderson]:

I

[Supdaily]:

the

[Visa Anderson]:

feel

[Supdaily]:

science

[Visa Anderson]:

like,

[Supdaily]:

is there

[Visa Anderson]:

mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

to experience an orgasm as a woman without having to transition, I am signing up because that

[Visa Anderson]:

It

[Supdaily]:

stuff

[Visa Anderson]:

is a beautiful

[Supdaily]:

seems

[Visa Anderson]:

experience.

[Supdaily]:

so wonderful.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, it's amazing and I can have like multiples and it just

[Supdaily]:

Wow!

[Visa Anderson]:

like will keep going and you can just kind of ride the wave too. And even like clitorally, I can at least have up to four right now. And I was able to orgasm multiple times before I had a vagina. I like somehow was able to kind of experiment and work. things a certain way and I was able to orgasm multiple times. And yeah, I mean, I can orgasm simultaneously up to four times in one go. And it's nice, but it's still something I'm working on with a partner. And so,

[Supdaily]:

That's just a reality of being with

[Visa Anderson]:

right,

[Supdaily]:

anybody, you know,

[Visa Anderson]:

right. But

[Supdaily]:

so.

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm also, I'm super thankful that I have a partner that's patient with me and understands.

[Supdaily]:

I mean, when you when you're trans, I'm sure that there's like a lot of explaining that you have that you feel like you have to do at least in partnerships. Because it's a it's a more it's a it's a more rare thing. I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question. It's like. It's really hard to understand. It's just like, how do you? When you're trans and you feel like you have to explain yourself so often, it has to get discouraging. How do you keep moving forward with the dating process, knowing that you're going to have all these things that you yourself feel uncomfortable with, that you are going to have to explain to somebody else? Like, do you feel like me? Was it a constant fear of just being rejected or experiencing rejection?

[Visa Anderson]:

Absolutely. I mean, nobody likes rejection. But, yeah, it was, it was, I always sort of felt that constant fear of rejection, which is also why I stayed in certain relationships longer than I should have, because I didn't want to go through that again.

[Supdaily]:

Oh, that seems to be a universal experience where you stay with someone because you don't feel like you can do better. And

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

so you stick with what works even if it's toxic.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, mm-hmm. And that was a cycle that I broke very recently. And it was, you know, but it's very liberating.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Visa Anderson]:

But

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah,

[Supdaily]:

can imagine.

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean, being trans and dating, it's not without its complications and its hardships, but I feel like I personally am in a place where it's a lot easier now. I know what I want and I know who I am as a person and I don't have to explain that to anybody.

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

seem to really have to learn to not concern yourself as much with what other people think.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right, and I don't. But I'm also a huge advocate for educating people. I am no problem telling people my experience and educating them on my story. And I always try to preface things with, this is just who I am. This

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

is what's relevant to me. Not every trans person needs to do this. But, you know.

[Supdaily]:

I feel like there's like a real... tense feeling around asking anything. I mean, I've known you for six years now, and I still get worried that I'm saying something offensive where in reality I'm just trying to learn. And I'm sure even me as someone who is more well versed than a lot of straight men, I still mess up. Like how,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, I mean...

[Supdaily]:

what advice would you give to someone trying to learn about the trans experience being offensive.

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, wow. I think, um, it really is sort of like case by case when it comes to that. Cause,

[Supdaily]:

That's always gonna be

[Visa Anderson]:

um,

[Supdaily]:

true, so just tell me what

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

you feel.

[Visa Anderson]:

What I feel is like, you're gonna offend somebody no matter what, there's always gonna be something, especially in this day and age, like people just get offended by things so quickly

[Supdaily]:

very

[Visa Anderson]:

and so

[Supdaily]:

quickly.

[Visa Anderson]:

easily. And I happen to be a part of a community that just so happens to, you know, is pretty sensitive. And I acknowledge that and I recognize that. And, but my thought process is that you can't please everybody and society doesn't change overnight. And, you know, As long as we, it's not our responsibility to educate these people at all. We don't have to, you know, everybody has Google, they can look it up if they want to. I feel, I feel open to educating people because I just don't want people to look like an asshole. Like.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, so, okay, even better question would be, how does someone let a trans person know if they're trying to educate themselves that their intent is coming from a good place?

[Visa Anderson]:

Um... I think just kind of reassuring them that like, I'm only asking this because I genuinely want to know and I don't want to upset anybody or offend anybody. This is purely, and as long as you preface it with like, if this isn't the right way to ask it, forgive me, I'm ignorant on this topic.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And that's how a lot of people have approached me too, because there's certain times where like, I try to be as like open and honest and be a safe space for people. preface their questions with me, I always say, just ask it. Just ask it the way that you want to ask it, and I will tell you if it is the incorrect way. And I will tell you the correct way to ask.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

I feel like a lot of people, as of recently, have more so come to me about non-binary issues. And I'm not an expert on the non-binary community. I don't identify as non-binary,

[Supdaily]:

You're

[Visa Anderson]:

so

[Supdaily]:

a woman.

[Visa Anderson]:

I can't speak to

[Supdaily]:

I

[Visa Anderson]:

that.

[Supdaily]:

think that

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

was an eye-opening thing for me when I used to cover, and I remember interviewing back when Caitlyn Jenner first came out as trans, which was a major moment for visibility for the trans community.

[Visa Anderson]:

This major moment for me is in my personal journey.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

She was the reason why I even came out to myself.

[Supdaily]:

See, that's huge. I don't like her

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

as a person, but

[Visa Anderson]:

neither do I.

[Supdaily]:

I do appreciate the visibility that she gave the trans community.

[Visa Anderson]:

Absolutely. I will, I will always, I will, I will never deny the, the exposure and, and the visibility that she gave to our community,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

but I don't agree with it, with everything that she

[Supdaily]:

Right.

[Visa Anderson]:

does and says. So.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah. So like when she started, when I interviewed somebody, I interviewed five trans people back then when I was trying to myself understand, because it was very new term, like we hadn't really talked about gender identity, mostly just sexuality. And I remember asking a question about, you know, what it was like to go from a gay, wait. I'm trying to figure out, basically I was trying to say like, so they transitioned, hold on, let me try to figure out, cause this was so long ago, I'm trying to remember exactly how I worded it. So, oh, so they were female, no, male, male to female, trans, transitioned.

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

And I was like, well, how did it feel to go from, you know, being a gay person in a relationship, being a gay man in a relationship with men to being a trans woman in a relationship with men. And her response was, I've always been a woman.

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

I've never been a gay person. I was just not physically transitioned into being female,

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

but I've

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

never been a gay man in a relationship. I've always been in a heterosexual woman in relationships with men. And that's what a lot of people don't grasp is like, it's not like a... You don't have to physically transition. You just have to embrace who you are.

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure. And I mean, for me personally, I would never, I will never deny that at one point in my life, I was male, you know, because

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

I denied and denied and denied that this was who I was for 23 years. But yeah, you know, I look back on my, even on my childhood and I'm like, I'm like, of course I, you know, had these feelings like, oh, am I a girl? Like, everybody tells me I'm a boy, but I feel like a girl.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

And so I know that I'd always like felt like a woman, but I will never, for me, never deny that I was that I was male. I always say that I would not be the woman that I am today without the man that I used to be.

[Supdaily]:

That's beautiful to acknowledge

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that. Like that

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

person is gone, but that person

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

existed.

[Visa Anderson]:

they played an important role in who I am.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

You know, I still, that's where, you know, that person developed, that person helped me develop a very thick skin. So, I mean, going into coming out as a trans woman, you know, I didn't have as many fears as I did when I came out as gay.

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

You know, I had already dealt with the bullshit of people saying stuff and bullying me. And at the time, I mean, you know, when I started my transition, weren't as like prevalent that we have today as trans people. I feel like we were, people were, the exposure was there and the visibility, you know, the spotlight was on us, but like not in the way that it is now, which is in such a negative

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

light right now.

[Supdaily]:

There's one

[Visa Anderson]:

So

[Supdaily]:

story

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean.

[Supdaily]:

I'm trying to remember, and was there a story about your mom finally acknowledging you with a cake?

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah,

[Supdaily]:

Okay, so yeah, tell that story.

[Visa Anderson]:

so it was my birthday. I think it was like my 27th birthday. Yeah, it was my 27th birthday.

[Supdaily]:

So you're about

[Visa Anderson]:

And...

[Supdaily]:

two years into the beginning of your physical transition. Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes. And so she baked me a cake and she made the like she like put the frosting on it everything and she made it the colors of the transgender flag

[Supdaily]:

Wow.

[Visa Anderson]:

and that to me was like okay this is a step in the right direction. You know I got emotional I thought it was very sweet. And, you know, it's, that was kind of like the sort of the tipping point and the, you know, the change in our, the shift in everything in our relationship. Because we, our relationship was pretty strained,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

you know, during those years, those first few years that I started my transition. And so I really started to, you know, she, she would start buying me clothes and, like, you know, getting me, like, jewelry and, like, things to fill my closet with. And, you know, sometimes it wasn't always the best. But, you know,

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

I mean, It felt so nice for her to do those things.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

And that's all I wanted in the beginning, was just for my mom

[Supdaily]:

Acceptance,

[Visa Anderson]:

to accept me. And

[Supdaily]:

yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah. And so now we're in a place where, especially after I've had all my surgeries and stuff, she acknowledges me as her daughter. She calls me Visa. It's,

[Supdaily]:

That has to feel so good.

[Visa Anderson]:

oh yeah, it's great. It's the best. And she was the one person that I wanted it from the most. So yeah.

[Supdaily]:

What advice would you give to parents whose kids are coming out as trans on how to support those kids or have an understanding for themselves about the process, you know?

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

What

[Visa Anderson]:

Well,

[Supdaily]:

would

[Visa Anderson]:

first

[Supdaily]:

you,

[Visa Anderson]:

and foremost,

[Supdaily]:

how about this? What would you have liked to have heard from your family when you first came out as trans?

[Visa Anderson]:

Um, I would have liked to hear, you know, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you for acknowledging, acknowledging this and I know that must have been hard. We love you, regardless. We support you. What can I do to help you get to where you need to be?

[Supdaily]:

So just anything that a loving and supportive parent would

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

say to their child.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, so that's what I was gonna say like first and foremost to any parents, you know, just love your kid.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Just love them for who they are. And let them, you know, let them make their own choices and and if that's what they want to do, just respect that. I know that as of lately, there's, you know, and I don't mean to get too controversial or anything like that, but there are a lot of people that have detransitioned. There's this whole thing. I don't wanna get completely into that just

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

because it's so much, but, and that's the kind of scary thing. And I understand how parents can feel like, well, what's gonna happen if you do any sort of irreversible damage and you change your mind or whatever. But I think first and foremost, just if your child's coming out to you or expressing this to you, just love them and just respect their choices.

[Supdaily]:

That's just,

[Visa Anderson]:

And

[Supdaily]:

that's just advice. That's just like good

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

parenting advice. Like I don't,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

it doesn't sound any different. Just don't treat your kid

[Visa Anderson]:

No.

[Supdaily]:

as if they're any different. They have

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

changed,

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

but they're still your kid, ultimately.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. Exactly. Ugh.

[Supdaily]:

Okay, so

[Visa Anderson]:

Um.

[Supdaily]:

I have a few questions from Patreon people if you're down

[Visa Anderson]:

short.

[Supdaily]:

to answer. So if any

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

of you ever want to ask questions to the guests that I have on Patreon.com slash Unfiltered Friends. Hold on, there's a few questions I don't want to ask.

[Visa Anderson]:

Okay.

[Supdaily]:

Alan wants to know, looking back, what was your favorite hurdle you overcame during your transition?

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh man. Oh, that's a good question. I would say my favorite hurdle. Oh man. Probably navigating. like after bottom surgery and just, you know, figuring out that type of stuff and like how to care for myself and how to, you know, live my life in this new body. And I was so excited to experiment with things and, you know, get to know my new body and continue to grow

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Visa Anderson]:

in that way. Also hormones. I think hormones was really good. That was tough in the beginning, but it was something that I'm so thankful for.

[Supdaily]:

Do you find that, you know, this is a common experience I've noticed with, you know, me dating women is that it starts off that like, I'm a bit more physical than they are and then when they get emotionally comfortable, their horniness kicks in.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

So I can tell you right now, and my boyfriend can vouch for this right now, I'm the horniest one in our relationship.

[Supdaily]:

Sometimes,

[Visa Anderson]:

Like,

[Supdaily]:

so

[Visa Anderson]:

100%.

[Supdaily]:

like, sometimes like, so I'm in a relationship now and I'm just like, I was like, really now? All right.

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm. Because I mean, when we met, like, when we met, like, obviously, I was attracted to him. We hooked up, all that stuff, whatever.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

But now that I am, like, so emotionally invested in him and I love him so much

[Supdaily]:

another

[Visa Anderson]:

and, like,

[Supdaily]:

level.

[Visa Anderson]:

I'm comfortable, it's so, it's a completely

[Supdaily]:

Y'all are

[Visa Anderson]:

different...

[Supdaily]:

insatiable.

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh, yes, we are. And it's so funny because I was just talking about this with a girlfriend the other day, and she's, you know, she's been married for like 20 years and like she and her husband are still hot for each other, but it's all from her. She's

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

the one that wants it all the time. And she was like, yeah, you know, people get on us all the time and say like, you know, men are the ones that like, you know, want sex the most, but it's us. Like

[Supdaily]:

It's

[Visa Anderson]:

no,

[Supdaily]:

y'all

[Visa Anderson]:

we want it just

[Supdaily]:

100%

[Visa Anderson]:

as bad.

[Supdaily]:

as once

[Visa Anderson]:

If

[Supdaily]:

you

[Visa Anderson]:

anything.

[Supdaily]:

get emotionally invested, it is game

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, I'm feral.

[Supdaily]:

on. Oh,

[Visa Anderson]:

I am feral.

[Supdaily]:

I'm just

[Visa Anderson]:

And

[Supdaily]:

like

[Visa Anderson]:

it doesn't

[Supdaily]:

Mercy.

[Visa Anderson]:

help that we're, yeah, and it doesn't help that we're in a long distance relationship either

[Supdaily]:

No!

[Visa Anderson]:

because I am constantly like, like as soon as he walks in the door, my pants are off.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, it's perfect. I also,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

I really enjoy dating someone 8,500 miles away. It's like such a great time. All right.

[Visa Anderson]:

I feel your pain.

[Supdaily]:

It's bad. And I don't have the travel benefits anymore. So that sucks as well.

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

But I used

[Visa Anderson]:

well

[Supdaily]:

my

[Visa Anderson]:

if you

[Supdaily]:

points

[Visa Anderson]:

ever need

[Supdaily]:

on

[Visa Anderson]:

a

[Supdaily]:

my,

[Visa Anderson]:

buddy pass, yeah.

[Supdaily]:

yeah, to Australia might be a little difficult, but.

[Visa Anderson]:

Well, at least to one destination if you need something.

[Supdaily]:

True. Actually,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

if I do end up moving there, maybe you can help me get to LA to cut down, because Clark would fly on Qantas.

[Visa Anderson]:

Uh-huh.

[Supdaily]:

Why don't I get to fly? Because it's too expensive. It's an expensive airline. And so

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

I have to pay for the flight from here to LA and then LA to Australia. So

[Visa Anderson]:

God.

[Supdaily]:

if I get to LA, maybe

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

it'll be cheaper. I don't.

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure.

[Supdaily]:

Rosa wants to know, how did it feel to know you were done with the transition?

[Visa Anderson]:

So,

[Supdaily]:

Uh oh.

[Visa Anderson]:

I would never say that I'm done. I personally believe that like, you're never really done transitioning. I think that there are still things to this day that I, like physically, there's still like, you know, very miniscule like physical things that I'd like to maybe change, but like, it's not that important. but I'm always like, it's more mental now. I have to, I'm constantly still dealing with the fact that like, am I still a woman enough? Am I woman enough? Like, you know, it's something that I'm still working on and transitioning my thought processes. So I personally just don't believe that you're ever really done because there's always gonna be something. But that's just my opinion. And I'm sure that there are other people and other trans people out there that are like, I'm done, that's it, I'm good, got my pussy, got my tits, we're good.

[Supdaily]:

Hahaha

[Visa Anderson]:

But, you know, and that's not, you know, again, it's a case by case thing, so.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm. Alyssa wants to know, what is something that Vesa today wishes she could tell her younger self slash pre-transition self?

[Visa Anderson]:

I would just say to my younger self, buckle up because it's gonna get wild. But you are going to find that happiness that you've been looking for and you're gonna find that acceptance that you that you've been craving from your mom and everything is gonna make sense eventually. Yeah, because it's been a lot of my childhood being very confused about a lot of things.

[Supdaily]:

I can imagine, especially

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

without proper representation and the representation of trans people in media was all prostitutes and murderers

[Visa Anderson]:

Um,

[Supdaily]:

and.

[Visa Anderson]:

well, not just that, but I mean, it was, it was cis men in wigs.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah. You know,

[Visa Anderson]:

Like.

[Supdaily]:

it's really interesting is I watched that documentary disclosure is a disclosure

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

with Laverne Cox.

[Visa Anderson]:

I watched that one too.

[Supdaily]:

And you, you know, back then, you didn't even think about it. Like, imagine a trans person watching Ace Ventura and just the idea of kissing a trans person. There's a whole 10 minute scene of everybody vomiting in a,

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

in a toilet or suctioning their face or trying

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

to shower the dirt off of them. Like that has to be so massively triggering to think just

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh yeah.

[Supdaily]:

kissing me as a trans person is the most disgusting thing on the planet.

[Visa Anderson]:

right. And those were things that like, you know, I never really understood growing up. Like I, I remember telling myself like, you know, that I can't be, I can't be transgender, like, you know, people, that's not socially acceptable. Like, I can't just like change my gender. And there were so many different names and derogatory terms at the time for

[Supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

what trans people were called. And And yeah, I mean, if I would have had that kind of representation when I was a kid, like the kind of representation that we have now, I think I probably would have, one, started my transition sooner, and I probably wouldn't have had all that confusion.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah, I think it's so awesome that like, I mean, Caitlyn Jenner was like a huge moment, but Laverne Cox was also a huge moment on Orange is the New Black.

[Visa Anderson]:

I love me some Laverne.

[Supdaily]:

Oh,

[Visa Anderson]:

She's great.

[Supdaily]:

she's amazing. But they got so lucky. It was like a

[Visa Anderson]:

Mm-hmm.

[Supdaily]:

perfect storm. Laverne Cox is is is a woman with a twin brother and they

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

can both act and

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

they're both on the show.

[Visa Anderson]:

Isn't that so

[Supdaily]:

People

[Visa Anderson]:

cool?

[Supdaily]:

don't

[Visa Anderson]:

That's

[Supdaily]:

know

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

this, that Laverne

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Cox is a twin and her brother was on the show as pre-transition

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

her. Like how

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

the stars had to sew a line for that

[Visa Anderson]:

Right,

[Supdaily]:

to happen. It was beautiful.

[Visa Anderson]:

I know. Didn't you, you told me you matched with

[Supdaily]:

I did

[Visa Anderson]:

her, right?

[Supdaily]:

match with Laverne

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

Cox. It was right before I went on the road trip for Wrigley. And

[Visa Anderson]:

That's

[Supdaily]:

I remember

[Visa Anderson]:

right.

[Supdaily]:

messaging her and I was like, I was like, I just think it's so wonderful, like, like the what you've brought to light, you know, in the in the with transgender in the world today. And she was like, oh, is that why you matched me? And I was like, oh,

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh, oh.

[Supdaily]:

I mean, I was about to leave for like several months, so it wasn't

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah

[Supdaily]:

like going to be possible for me to

[Visa Anderson]:

sure.

[Supdaily]:

to date her anyway. But It was a moment where I was like, I was like, Oh, I'm treating her like a trans person instead of just a woman on a dating app.

[Visa Anderson]:

Right,

[Supdaily]:

So

[Visa Anderson]:

yeah.

[Supdaily]:

that was a learning experience for me.

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure, but I mean, you know, you have to make mistakes to learn from them,

[Supdaily]:

That's

[Visa Anderson]:

you know,

[Supdaily]:

true.

[Visa Anderson]:

and

[Supdaily]:

I think

[Visa Anderson]:

learn

[Supdaily]:

that's

[Visa Anderson]:

things,

[Supdaily]:

a big

[Visa Anderson]:

so.

[Supdaily]:

struggle. Societally now it's like mistakes are not allowed. Everything

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

is mal-intent and that's making it very

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

difficult for people to grow. And I think it's making

[Visa Anderson]:

Right.

[Supdaily]:

people more entrenched in their ideas. Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Absolutely.

[Supdaily]:

Okay, one

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

more question.

[Visa Anderson]:

Sure.

[Supdaily]:

So say someone is listening to this and they are considering their transition journey. What guidance do you wish you had before you started?

[Visa Anderson]:

I think when I started, I wish I would have had more resources. I would definitely say if you are looking into starting to transition, make sure that you know what you're getting into and what... what avenues you can take in order to achieve the goals that you want in becoming the person that you have always seen yourself being. Also to never do it for anyone else but yourself.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

Don't do it for, don't do it because you want, you know, to, you want your dating pool to change or like you,

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

like you don't do it for, you know, the, the sake of, of pleasing other people. the one that you have to go to bed with at night. And you know, and they always say, I mean, going back to the subject of the difference between like gender and sexuality is that sexuality is who you go to bed with and gender is who you go to bed as. And it's not, it's not about like, it's just, it's not about sexuality or anyone but yourself. So I would just say stay true to who you are. Don't. Don't do things because like don't get surgeries or make irreversible changes to yourself because of a certain blueprint or or societal standard, you know, do what makes you feel happy when you look in the mirror.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

You know, if that's something you eat that you want to change by yourself. for me, you know, I feel completely aligned with who I've always envisioned was in my head. You know, the woman that I saw in my head is the woman that you're seeing right now. And I put a lot of work into that. But also, it's not necessary for every trans person

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

to do these things.

[Supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Visa Anderson]:

But for me, it was a necessity. So yeah, I think just know what your resources are. Don't be afraid to reach out to other trans people and ask questions. And like, you know, I wouldn't say that my DMs are like absolutely open. I have kind of put things on private as of lately, but I think. I might, my TikTok is public if you want to try

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

and message me on there, but I'm totally open to, you know, answering questions and talking to people

[Supdaily]:

What's your

[Visa Anderson]:

given

[Supdaily]:

name

[Visa Anderson]:

the right

[Supdaily]:

on

[Visa Anderson]:

circumstances.

[Supdaily]:

TikTok?

[Visa Anderson]:

It is Visa Baby with three Y's.

[Supdaily]:

And who

[Visa Anderson]:

So

[Supdaily]:

gave you the name Visa Baby?

[Visa Anderson]:

every time, every

[Supdaily]:

That

[Visa Anderson]:

time.

[Supdaily]:

was me, I branded you. I don't know why I started

[Visa Anderson]:

Yes.

[Supdaily]:

calling you Visa Baby.

[Visa Anderson]:

So, okay, here, here's what I remember. So

[Supdaily]:

Okay.

[Visa Anderson]:

it was, it was my birthday and it was the day of, because this is, because we talked about my Snapchat name. It was my birthday and you were like confused that this, you know, this

[Supdaily]:

Who

[Visa Anderson]:

person

[Supdaily]:

is this

[Visa Anderson]:

that was

[Supdaily]:

name?

[Visa Anderson]:

not VISA, yeah. And I was like, I remember you said you need to change your name on Snapchat. I was like, I can't do that right now. It doesn't let you. You have to be the one to change it. And so then you sent me a screenshot of just VISA, baby. And I was like, okay,

[Supdaily]:

And you

[Visa Anderson]:

that's

[Supdaily]:

stuck

[Visa Anderson]:

cute.

[Supdaily]:

with that.

[Visa Anderson]:

I like that.

[Supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah. Well, I mean, I, I for a while, at least. I think, yeah, for a while it was just like Visa, like two on two or something like that. And I remember one day, I think it was like on, you were live or something and you were like, you should just change your name to Visa Baby. That's just easier.

[Supdaily]:

It worked

[Visa Anderson]:

And so

[Supdaily]:

out.

[Visa Anderson]:

then I just, yeah, I changed it to Visa Baby and

[Supdaily]:

I'm

[Visa Anderson]:

it's

[Supdaily]:

good

[Visa Anderson]:

stuck

[Supdaily]:

at branding.

[Visa Anderson]:

ever since.

[Supdaily]:

It's kind of my thing.

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah, yeah, I know. But yes, so I'm on TikTok a lot. I don't really know how the, like the DMing. works on TikTok, I think you have to like be following each other or something, or I don't know if you can request or something, but I can try to be available if people want to talk.

[Supdaily]:

But

[Visa Anderson]:

Yeah.

[Supdaily]:

for now, you've shared enough. I appreciate your time. Go back to your staycation. I

[Visa Anderson]:

Oh,

[Supdaily]:

hope

[Visa Anderson]:

we're

[Supdaily]:

you...

[Visa Anderson]:

probably going to check out in a little bit actually,

[Supdaily]:

Okay,

[Visa Anderson]:

but we've,

[Supdaily]:

well,

[Visa Anderson]:

you know.

[Supdaily]:

I hope you have a lovely checkout experience and thank you

[Visa Anderson]:

Thank

[Supdaily]:

so much

[Visa Anderson]:

you. Well,

[Supdaily]:

for coming on and telling your

[Visa Anderson]:

thank

[Supdaily]:

story.

[Visa Anderson]:

you. Thank you for having me. It's always fun.

[Supdaily]:

Okay, stay with me.