Unfiltered Friends

How to avoid burnout w/ Diane Shiffer

• Chris Thompson • Episode 26

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[supdaily]:

It's actually recording at your source to get the quality of the video from your device.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

So when we get done with this and I hit stop, don't leave,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

it's going to finish uploading your site. And if you leave before that, it looks like it was shot on a potato. So we want to maintain, we did all this work to get set up.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

So just stick with me when we get done. I'm gonna bring you in, okay?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay, sounds good.

[supdaily]:

Okay. They do the dumpsters outside my window. It's very fun. It's so fun.

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's inevitable, isn't it? The siren

[supdaily]:

It's so

[Diane Shiffer]:

or

[supdaily]:

fun.

[Diane Shiffer]:

something, yeah.

[supdaily]:

Okay. Hello, unfiltered friends. I am very excited to bring on this person. I haven't told them this yet, and they're about to hear it now. Pretty much every single post that I have seen brought me to tears for various reasons. So we'll get into what that is, but I wanna bring in Diane, how are you doing?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I am so well. I'm so excited to

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

talk to you today.

[supdaily]:

They're happy tears, I promise

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh good,

[supdaily]:

you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'm so glad.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yeah, we'll get into all of that stuff.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

And I know that you've had other people probably describe that sort of effect that your content has had on them. If you could describe like what it is that you do, because there seems to be a theme, but also it's just who you

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

are. is.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think it's, you know, something, I'm having a hard time with it. I think what I usually say is when I started doing this, when I started doing this, I thought, oh, this will be fun. I'll do vintage fashion tips and how to dress vintage, you know, as a chubby person and all that kind of stuff and show all my vintage things. But what I've not, and people love that, the kindness that they felt that

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

they were receiving kindness. And I mean, speaking of tears, what brought me to tears many times, especially at the beginning, were people commenting and saying, nobody's ever talked to me like this. I didn't know people really spoke like this. I thought it was just like something in the movies or whatever, you know? And

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that just touched me so deeply. I just thought, you know, there's not a lot I can do, right? I'm just this chubby little old lady, you know, weird lady who lives in upstate New York and there's not a lot I can do, but I can do kindness, you know,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I can do that.

[supdaily]:

that's free. Kindness is free.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah, yes, yes.

[supdaily]:

Yeah. Yeah. Um, were you always this way? Like, were you, like, when people say

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm-hmm.

[supdaily]:

like, people aren't kind like this, and it's true, and it's actually something that I have worked on within myself is vocalizing the kind of things that I think, but don't say,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

I think a lot of us think wonderful things, but everyone is kind of, uh, suspicious

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's

[supdaily]:

of

[Diane Shiffer]:

vulnerable.

[supdaily]:

like what's,

[Diane Shiffer]:

When you're being kind, it opens you up for attack in a certain way or for judgment more, more for judgment. Like

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

people can be like, oh, you're, you know, whatever. But it's being willing to be vulnerable and everything. I don't, I think I've always had the core quality, but I think that in my middle adulthood, know, it was very difficult, many, many, many very difficult years. And I think coming through that sort of refined it and made me decide what was important to me, you know, and, you know, and just raising my children was transformative to me because I, um,

[supdaily]:

How so?

[Diane Shiffer]:

my parents were wonderful. always always to make us as independent as possible and to you know they didn't they didn't want to coddle us they wanted us to be you know disciplined and all this kind of stuff and what that left me feeling much of the time was that I had no one I had nobody you know and so now I'm going to start crying and so when I had

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

children the main thing I loved them passionately. You know, like one thing I always told my children is, everything you've ever done in your life, every awful bad thing that you're gonna do in your life, I've already forgiven you for. And there's nothing, you know, that will ever change that. And so, and of course with children, just saying something isn't enough. You have to constantly live it and express it. And so I think that's what was, living in that lane, you know, living in that lane where you're constantly building up and encouraging and nurturing that was transformative for me.

[supdaily]:

But that was a you understand that's a choice though. You made that choice

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Was there any difficulty in that choice? You were raised in a way where

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

you were supposed to be this like insular thing

[Diane Shiffer]:

Bye bye.

[supdaily]:

and Then you kind of took a different route with the way that you raised your children. You have multiple children.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I have

[supdaily]:

I'm

[Diane Shiffer]:

five

[supdaily]:

assuming

[Diane Shiffer]:

children.

[supdaily]:

five

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

children How old are they?

[Diane Shiffer]:

My youngest is 24 and my oldest is 37.

[supdaily]:

Yeah. So what shifted within you to move in a direction different from the way that you were parented?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I honestly don't even know if it was a choice. It was just what I had to do. Like, and I can remember getting into discussions with my mom, like with my children. She was very much, we were raised very much. You put them in bed, it doesn't matter if they cry for hours. That's their

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

bedtime, that's where they stay, you don't. And so having to, that was, I was sharing sleep and doing, I can't remember, like the kind parenting,

[supdaily]:

Gentle

[Diane Shiffer]:

gentle

[supdaily]:

parenting.

[Diane Shiffer]:

parenting. I was doing that and people, people did not understand why I was doing it.

[supdaily]:

People still

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

don't understand.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

So tell me about it. Tell me about, cause that's, you're a leader in that

[Diane Shiffer]:

No.

[supdaily]:

because gentle parenting is something that I just started to hear about.

[Diane Shiffer]:

move.

[supdaily]:

What in your, how did you get involved with gentle parenting and like, why was that your choice and what were people's reactions to that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Um, I, I just wanted to do the best for my kids, you know what I mean? And I wanted

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

them to know that they were not alone, you know, because I felt so alone for so many years and I wanted them to know they were not alone, you know. So, and I also, like, I'm trying to think of some examples. Like I can remember one when Noah, who's my youngest, he's 24. And, um, I homeschooled them. whatever, and I had packed all their lunches for them, and he was sitting at the table, you know, getting ready to eat his lunch. So I went to his table, I got his lunch from him, I brought it into the kitchen of the place where we were at, and was warming it up for him. And like several of the other women and the other moms were like, why are you doing that? He should be, if he wants his lunch warm, he can come in here and warm it. was like, because, you know, he's with his friends, I wanted to enjoy himself, I can do this, you know, and so I did that for him and they're like, oh, he's going to take advantage of you. But the other side of the coin is that child, you know, when he was eight, nine, ten years old, was of his own accord mowing all the lawns, doing all the yard work, all that kind of And you give to them and you model giving, they long to give back. so I don't know.

[supdaily]:

What do you think makes people so resistant to showing up for their kids like that? Like with the reaction that you got at the school,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think

[supdaily]:

what do they feel like is gonna happen

[Diane Shiffer]:

people

[supdaily]:

if

[Diane Shiffer]:

are so

[supdaily]:

they

[Diane Shiffer]:

worried,

[supdaily]:

don't?

[Diane Shiffer]:

people are so worried that their children are going to be manipulating them or taking advantage.

[supdaily]:

They're children

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

though, it's a kind

[Diane Shiffer]:

But

[supdaily]:

of a...

[Diane Shiffer]:

you know what honey? Listen, when you

[supdaily]:

Thank

[Diane Shiffer]:

hear

[supdaily]:

you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

about sleep training and stuff like that, when you read about that and read about people's impressions of it, what is the big thing? They're saying, oh, your kid is manipulating you. You know, when it's in reality, it's a four or five, six month old baby who's just scared of being alone or just wants to know that they're safe,

[supdaily]:

Yeah. So.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And they're very,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think, and this I do understand, I think they're very afraid of having out-of-control kids. So they want to, you know, uh... Impress their discipline standards on them so their kids are going to be well behaved and in control.

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm. Would you say that's what you, that was that what you faced when you were being raised?

[Diane Shiffer]:

definitely,

[supdaily]:

Similar attitude?

[Diane Shiffer]:

yes, definitely.

[supdaily]:

Yeah

[Diane Shiffer]:

And it was a different time. I mean, I was born in the 50s. So,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

it was a very different time.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, you're so you're you're born in the 50s. A lot of the stuff that you have on your channel is is is vintage like even before your time.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

What is the affinity? I mean, you even the way that you're dressed right now, it's like you're it's like a time capsule

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

from a time long gone.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

What is it about showing people things from those eras. Like what eras are your favorite

[Diane Shiffer]:

My favorite

[supdaily]:

first?

[Diane Shiffer]:

eras are the 1930s and then like wartime era, World War II era is not my favorite era, although it's very popular, you know what I mean? But I love it. I do love it, but my favorites are 1930s and like late 40s, very early 50s. Those are my like sweet spot, you

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[Diane Shiffer]:

know?

[supdaily]:

so why?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Ah, you know something? You're asking me all these hard questions. I don't know the answer.

[supdaily]:

Welcome to a conversation with me, because I wanna know you and I want other people to know and understand you as well. Not that you're hard to understand, but I'm sure you get questions. People are like, what is going on with this lady? Why is she dressed like this?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I've had people,

[supdaily]:

Because people are...

[Diane Shiffer]:

people have commented and messaged me and thinks, and they think this is what they call a hobby house. Like this is, like I have another actual normal house

[supdaily]:

You don't

[Diane Shiffer]:

that I

[supdaily]:

live

[Diane Shiffer]:

live

[supdaily]:

there.

[Diane Shiffer]:

in, and this is just like my hobby, you know? No. No, it's like

[supdaily]:

It's like, we don't

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

got

[Diane Shiffer]:

don't.

[supdaily]:

that

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'm sorry.

[supdaily]:

kind of money.

[Diane Shiffer]:

No, it's like

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[supdaily]:

So what is it about those eras that speaks to you?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think, okay, I'm really gonna try, I think the look, this whole look, is very much how my own grandmother, my Nana, was.

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And she was an amazing woman. She was a single mom. She was a widow and raised her girls alone and had to work really hard. around in my, oh, maybe six, seven, eight years old, she remarried. And to

[supdaily]:

Mmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

an amazing, wonderful man who they dated when she was a teenager and he came back and found her and all this other kind of stuff. But I think that that's kind of my look. Because when she was so kind, you know, and she was so, um, kind of like, you know, like, She was so talented and she was so courageous, you know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And even as a small child, I could tell, there was some part of me that could tell of the heartache that she had lived, you know. And she lived a, she lived very, very hard life. And, but she was so gracious, you know. She was a New England lady and she was so gracious and, you know. The thing that draws me to a lot of the household articles and things like that is, you know, like I have a lot of handmade hand embroidered, hand sewed things and stuff like that. And looking at those and thinking that back in that era, you know, like a mom, her daughter is getting married and so here's my cat.

[supdaily]:

It would not, if you have a cat, they will end up in the video at some point in time.

[Diane Shiffer]:

He loves being, people always think I've trained him or something because whenever I'm filming,

[supdaily]:

Ha ha.

[Diane Shiffer]:

he comes right out. So he's always in the video. So anyways,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

you think somebody, like one of my sets of dish towels, my days of the week dish towels, for example, they would have taken, oh my gracious, maybe a hundred hours to embroider and make. And somebody did that for just a simple, for dish towels. Do you know

[supdaily]:

Wow. Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

what I mean? eventually turned into rags. But

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

all of the time, and women back then wanted the beauty, the same beauty in their homes that we want. And they didn't have tutorials on YouTube and things like that,

[supdaily]:

Bye.

[Diane Shiffer]:

but they did it in their own way.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I want to, okay, I know this is kind of like a departure,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm-hmm.

[supdaily]:

but I am very fascinated with the story of your Nana and who she ended up with

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

and how they started. Can you tell that story

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

of

[Diane Shiffer]:

yes.

[supdaily]:

how your Nana ended up with who he who she ended up with?

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's a wonderful story. They both went to what ended up being the University of New Hampshire, okay? But it was before it was like, you know, something normal school or whatever at that time. But they lived there. They,

[supdaily]:

at what time was this?

[Diane Shiffer]:

this

[supdaily]:

Like

[Diane Shiffer]:

was

[supdaily]:

what, what?

[Diane Shiffer]:

okay. Probably would have been, would have been like maybe in the 19 teens. Little

[supdaily]:

Mm,

[Diane Shiffer]:

before

[supdaily]:

okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that maybe. I don't know, somewhere around in there. Frank Butler and they

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

dated and her roommate was dating a gentleman, a young man, a boy, named Ernest. And so they printed a little banner in their room that says, Be Ernest and Speak Frankly. You know, so

[supdaily]:

Thank

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

think it's so of that era, isn't it?

[supdaily]:

Right,

[Diane Shiffer]:

But anyway, so

[supdaily]:

yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

when they left, when she left school and she went back to her town, which Um, she ended up marrying, uh, another gentleman who was my grandfather, who was, um, a very tragic story, very, very tragic story. He, uh, became an alcoholic and I don't want to go into too many of the details because my mother's still living and I don't want to, you know, tell that part of it, but it was very tragic. But he was a wonderful,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

sweet man, okay? And in another, life would have ended up very differently. But

[supdaily]:

Thanks, Sam.

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah. But anyway, so he passed away in tragic circumstances. And so my grandmother was left with three daughters. And of course back then this was like the 1930s at that time. Very, very few prospects. And so she started doing fittings and things like that for the local department store and and the big thing was that she was so famous for fittings that everybody would come from all over the state to have Marianne powers fit her you know. But after you know all of her girls were grown and married and moved out and my mom was the youngest and like I said I was about six or seven. I was actually my grandmother for a week during the summer. And Frank Butler came for a visit. And

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

he had his wife had passed away, like about a year prior. And he remembered her and he came looking for her and he found her. And there was always kind of the feeling like he rescued her, you know, because she was doing very well on her own. She was very strong and capable was such a kind and loving person, you know. And he took such good care of her. Oh my gosh, she was a princess to him. And so it

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

was such a beautiful ending to a very hard life. And you know, we took

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

care of her to the very end, you know, beautifully. So, and she moved from Franklin at that point to the house that he had built and so.

[supdaily]:

Like you don't hear, it's just like a different era. I mean,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

it literally is. It's just like so interesting to hear. Do you think that maybe your connection, cause you said you raised your children as a single mom, correct?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Do you think that maybe you had a special connection with her because you have that shared experience?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I do. I think she passed away before I married, you know, so I never, I never knew her as, you know, as a mom myself. But so many times over the years I've thought back to what her life was like and kind of connected in my mind, you know, thought, oh, I'm sure she went through these moments, you know, or

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

she went through these moments and thinking about she did it with such grace, you know.

[supdaily]:

Hmm. Yeah, it's the I can't even imagine like the minuscule amount of support that a single mom would have back in that era, especially if I mean depression era, you know,

[Diane Shiffer]:

And especially

[supdaily]:

that's the law.

[Diane Shiffer]:

the wife of the town drunkard basically. You know what I mean?

[supdaily]:

Hmm, a lot of judgment back then.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, probably still now,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

honestly.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Um, one thing that seems to be a consistent theme throughout the quote, throughout the content that you make is gratitude.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm-hmm.

[supdaily]:

That seems to be one of the most important things to you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

It is.

[supdaily]:

Why is gratitude so important to have in your life?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Because it transforms everything. If you don't have gratitude, it doesn't matter how easy your life is or how much beauty is around you or anything. If you're not able to look at it with gratitude, then you can't truly appreciate it. If you don't see it as a gift, then you can't really appreciate it. then there's a certain sort, you know, if you feel, if I feel entitled to have beautiful roses on my table, then I'm not going to appreciate them fully. But when I understand, oh my gosh, these, how many years I went through and maybe could buy one rose every once in a while and now I can have, you know, a dozen roses on my table every week, you know? So it, yeah,

[supdaily]:

Yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

it's transformative. It, what there's a saying, you have into enough or something like that.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I don't think we recognize sometimes the amount of blessings that we have in our life. Like there's something that I do, some people kind of giggle at every morning is, you know, I wake up before the sun every morning and when the sun hits my face, I say thank you to the sun

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh.

[supdaily]:

because not everybody

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm-hmm.

[supdaily]:

got to see the sun that day. And starting the day that it sounds minuscule to a lot of people, but starting the day with thank you has really changed the way that I view each day.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Doesn't it though? It does.

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

It does. You move

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

forward with a feeling of enough. You know what I mean?

[supdaily]:

Yeah. So one of the things that I talked to you about when I first asked you to be on the podcast is I talked about the fact that societally we kind of expect people as they get older to fade away. And you have built an Instagram to half a million followers and and like show up. Was there a conscious. to kind of fade away.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I don't think I'm a fade away kind of person.

[supdaily]:

I didn't gather that about you now.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think one of the things I'm grateful for is my own personality. I know

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'm not for everybody. It's not like I think everybody's going to love me. I don't. But I was always kind of the odd child, the odd kid, and that kind of thing. The one that couldn't run in junior high or whatever. who I am. And once again, that was parenting, I think, that made me come to that conclusion. Like a lot of people say, it's so nice when you get old and you can be to that point. But I truly can say it was parenting that did that for me. Because I could look at my children and, you know, my weird chubby little kids, right? And look at them and be like, So, and then I think, wow, if I can look at them, then I can look at myself that way too, you know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's so interesting how often like we set an example for other people or like guide people in ways that we don't guide ourselves.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm-hmm.

[supdaily]:

It

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

seems

[Diane Shiffer]:

yes.

[supdaily]:

like we I'm very good at giving advice that I don't take myself, you know.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Aren't we all, oh my God,

[supdaily]:

Why is that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I don't

[supdaily]:

Why

[Diane Shiffer]:

know.

[supdaily]:

are we so good at giving advice we can't take?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I don't, cause we're telling people to do hard things. And then when we have

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

to do it ourselves, we're like, whoa, this is really hard.

[supdaily]:

It's very difficult. It's very, it's very difficult.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

Um, so I want to understand your relationship with me. Lynn, is that

[Diane Shiffer]:

Milan

[supdaily]:

how you say the name

[Diane Shiffer]:

Milan.

[supdaily]:

me, me land?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

It, I see her pop up in your content.

[Diane Shiffer]:

She's my daughter. She's my youngest daughter.

[supdaily]:

your youngest

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

daughter, who's

[Diane Shiffer]:

She

[supdaily]:

the 24

[Diane Shiffer]:

is 30.

[supdaily]:

year old?

[Diane Shiffer]:

My she is, um, I have a, uh, my oldest is a daughter. And then I have another daughter. Those are my two birth children, children I gave birth to. Then I have a son who, uh, has Down syndrome and autism. He lives in a group home. He's the middle child. Then I have Noah who's or then I have Milan who's 30 and then I have Noah who's 24. But what we always say is, Milen used to be Noah's big sister, but then they switched. And now Noah is her big brother. So, because she,

[supdaily]:

That's so interesting. But these are not all your biological

[Diane Shiffer]:

No, the

[supdaily]:

children?

[Diane Shiffer]:

youngest three,

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Jake, Noah, and Milan are adopted.

[supdaily]:

Okay. Tell me about that process. Like what was the inspiration behind adopting children, especially children with special needs. That's, that's, that's a lot of extra

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

to take on. What, what inspired you to do that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Well, I worked with my career, the first leg of my career, when I was like in my 20s, was working with adults with developmental disabilities and worked with a lot of people with various disabilities. But my husband at the time, he also worked there and we both said we wanted

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

do. And so we had our two daughters and then it just felt like it was the right time for various reasons. And so we, so it's kind of funny how it happened with me, Len, because she was the first one we adopted. And we had finished our home study, went through the whole home study process, which I mean anybody who's gone through that knows it's an ordeal, right? And

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

then, and through the process I had workers and kind of trying to get a feel for you know how the best places where we might be able to be connected with a child. And so the day that my home study, our home study was completed, that day I was on the phone and I was calling trying to reconnect with some of those adoption agency connections, right? There are no babies, you know, and like literally every place I called. And I remember I was sitting at the phone in the kitchen and it was around six o'clock in the, or it wasn't quite that late maybe. But anyways, I turned around and I said to my husband, we're not going to get a baby. There just aren't any babies available. And soon as I said that, I got a phone call and I picked it up and it was the same social worker and she had gotten off the phone from me and she turned to somebody else in her office and she said I feel so bad this is really nice lady but you know I just don't know of any you know there are just aren't any children with or infants with Down syndrome and then that person said I just got a call for this infant you know and so and I ended up actually calling me Lens social worker I start

[supdaily]:

I love

[Diane Shiffer]:

talking,

[supdaily]:

it.

[Diane Shiffer]:

right? And

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

so I did that with the social worker that I'd never met, right? And I was like blathering on and on. And I said, oh, we would just love to make her part of our family. She would complete our family or something ridiculously over enthusiastic like that. And then I hung

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

up the phone and I was like, oh, I just made such a fool of myself, right? And then we went through the our family to, they entrusted her to us and it was so wonderful. And then one of the last things the social worker said to me was, she said, I knew you were the right family. She said that first conversation I had with you when you were so excited and you said we just would love to make her part of our family. She said I knew you were the right family for her then. So it's like you just got to be yourself.

[supdaily]:

What was it about, what was the thought process in wanting someone, wanting to adopt someone with Down syndrome? Like what was it particularly about that that drew you?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think that this is going to sound kind of weird, but for us it felt easy.

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Down syndrome is a, and it's not like all people with Down syndrome, there's this fallacy that they're all sweet and loving and all that kind of stuff. Some of the most aggressive and most behavior problems, people with the most favorite problems But

[supdaily]:

Hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

it's a, it's um... It's kind of a known quantity. I don't know how to explain it really. And also they're

[supdaily]:

There's...

[Diane Shiffer]:

just, I mean, they are beautiful humans. They really are

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

beautiful humans.

[supdaily]:

Anytime I've had interactions with someone with Downstream Drop, it's just like a, just like a positivity that exudes from them and a happiness. I realize not everyone's the same, but all of my interactions have been like so wonderful and positive and they're kind and loving. And it's just like, it's, I don't know, I

[Diane Shiffer]:

I mean,

[supdaily]:

really

[Diane Shiffer]:

Milan is such an incredible gift. I mean, it's just, my daughter Amelia said at one point, you know, we wouldn't be us without Milan. So.

[supdaily]:

So what has she taught you?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I think the thing that she has taught me the most is that, you know, being raised the way I was raised, your productivity, how much work you get done, all those kind of things are absolutely tied to your value, you know, and

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

that kind of thing. that is like commercially or valuable. You know what I mean?

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

It does not matter because we each have so much value and what we produce is completely separate from that. So.

[supdaily]:

When I was talking about the fact that I cried when I was looking at some of your content, the one that struck the hardest for me was the productivity one. I am constantly at this point in my life on the verge of burnout. And I'm not the only one. I know there's lots of people out there who are on the verge of burnout. And I always had this idea and I'm slowly unraveling the idea that I have to be this massively successful Cause I started to reach a lot of those goals. And I got there, I was like, I am so supremely unhappy. to make me feel whole.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

This is superficial and it's, I don't know where I got these ideas and that's why I do this podcast honestly. I quit most of the things that make me money to do the things that don't make me money because it's something I'm passionate

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

about. A lot of something people don't know about me is like in the process of trying to be a full-time content creator was homeless twice.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

sleep on a sidewalk

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah. Oh,

[supdaily]:

and

[Diane Shiffer]:

funny.

[supdaily]:

see how people look at you. How do I separate from this idea that I need to produce to be worthy of anything? You've talked about it. I'm not the only one who wants that guidance. I'm sure you have some insight. I just, yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh honey, I wish I could

[supdaily]:

I'm

[Diane Shiffer]:

give

[supdaily]:

so

[Diane Shiffer]:

you

[supdaily]:

tired.

[Diane Shiffer]:

a hug.

[supdaily]:

Me too. So what guidance do you have for that? How do I get to that mindset where I don't feel like my value is tied to what I can produce?

[Diane Shiffer]:

wish I had an easy answer. I don't. I think This is going to sound so trite. I almost am so embarrassed to say it. But you have to get to the point where you truly love and value yourself, you know, where

[supdaily]:

the

[Diane Shiffer]:

you are really valuing yourself separate from the things that you're producing. Like I just look at you and you're so, you know, just speaking with you for the short amount of time. in such a unique way. You know, your mind is so, I can tell you go down unique paths in your thought

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

process. And not everybody

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

is, I mean, that's so rare, okay? Plus you're so handsome

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

and cute, and you know? And you're so warm and engaging, and I can think of so many things, and so many ways that you give back to the world that are not, things you produce, you know?

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

I think I figured out why you and I are connected in such a way. Something that I have always struggled with is my sense of worthiness. I just thought I had to do things in order for people to love

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

me. And the reason for that is because of what you just described, I feel. I feel like the way that I view things and the way that I show up in the world is a unique thing in a lot of ways, much in the way that you show up to the and why you're having the success that you are with touching so many people. Have you had moments where you just felt like, man, it will be so much easier if I would just fit in

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

and just give up all this and be what people want me to be. I literally can't do it. So like I feel so other

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes, yes, oh, I get it.

[supdaily]:

sometimes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I so get it. I so get it. I actually had an experience like yesterday where, you know, felt like two of the, you know, of course there's other women my age, you know, on social media and all this other kind of stuff. And two of the cool women, okay, you know,

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

are interacting in a way that is very much leaving me out, okay? And no matter how far I've come, It's like the junior high girl that couldn't run in gym class or nobody wanted me to sit at their lunch table, you know, or something like that. Those feelings came back, you know.

[supdaily]:

So what did you say to those feelings when they came back?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I laugh.

[supdaily]:

You laugh?

[Diane Shiffer]:

made fun of myself in a loving and kind way. You know what I

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

mean? Because I don't want to project unkindness onto them. And they weren't being intentionally unkind. I don't want to sound like that. But it was just anyways. But I just had to laugh at myself.

[supdaily]:

Do you think maybe the unkindness was more here than in their actions?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes. Yes.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes. And I think we don't, we all filter our experiences that we experienced today through all the years of experiences we've had, right?

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah. So...

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's taken a long time to unravel because I experienced an immense amount of bullying, both

[Diane Shiffer]:

Wow. Uh-huh.

[supdaily]:

physical and emotional for years. And it was wild when I started to go to therapy.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

I started going to therapy about two years ago. So I'm 41 now. So it's 39 when I started going

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

to therapy. It was wild talking about stuff from middle school

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

as someone who is almost 40 years old.

[Diane Shiffer]:

But it's still, yeah, I'll tell you, I put one on one of my posts and I was talking about it and I mentioned, I think it was one where I talked about being slow. And I said, you know, I was always the last one in running in gym class, or the soulless one in gym class. The number of people who commented, I was the last one in gym class too, I was the last one in gym class.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And I just, I commented back and said, you know, it's, it sticks with you, doesn't it?

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think part of that burnout is this constant need to keep up and be ahead. And like, even with social media, like you have to shift and change with the algorithms. And you, I feel like I lose when I focus on those things, I lose my authentic self.

[Diane Shiffer]:

You do. I mean,

[supdaily]:

And I'm so tired.

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

I'm

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

so tired.

[Diane Shiffer]:

honey. Oh.

[supdaily]:

And like, I'm unraveling these,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

these mindsets very recently. patient

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

with myself and how do I go slow?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay, do you have children, I wonder?

[supdaily]:

No,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

I don't.

[Diane Shiffer]:

well think about, here's something, and this is not, doesn't originate with me. But for me, like I said, was looking at my children and thinking of myself and thinking, you know, that little chubby girl, Diane, was pretty darn lovable. Okay, looking at myself through the eyes of like, as an adult looking back. Get like a picture of yourself. when you're a little child or when you're in middle school or something. And when you are being unkind to yourself, when you're pressuring yourself, when you're putting all those burdens on yourself, look at that picture of yourself as you know, 11 year old little guy trying his best, right? Trying his best and just be like, would I put this burden on him? No, I would not.

[supdaily]:

Absolutely not.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah, yeah. And so think about that because you are you are the same person that you were

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

when you were 11 you know

[supdaily]:

I mean, when you are finishing everything last and going slow, did you have that urge to speed up or were you just always running your own race?

[Diane Shiffer]:

on. I tried to speed up. Okay,

[supdaily]:

You just couldn't.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I couldn't. I'm just, I am just, yeah. I, yeah, I just am. I'm just slow, but I did try and I did put that pressure on myself and I can remember years when I was working and I was an administrator for Head Start for many years supervising my kids homeschooling and then doing all the cooking and all the cleaning and all that kind of stuff and it's just mind-numbing, you know, it's so hard and I think what I did during that time was I set up pockets of like when I talk about my sit-in-stair time

[supdaily]:

Yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

That was something that started during those years when I was you know It was so hard and I had to work

[supdaily]:

So what is the sit and stare

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

times in case people don't know?

[Diane Shiffer]:

okay, sit in stairs in the morning when I get my coffee.

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I find something, I sit down, I nowadays I put my phone down, but before I put my any any work papers, anything away, just me and my coffee, and I would sit someplace where I had something that I could look at that was beautiful to me. minutes, something like that, whatever I could spare that day. And just slow myself down, focus on the beauty and enjoy the coffee. And now I think they call it grounding probably, you know?

[supdaily]:

Yes, grounding. So this is right when you wake up.

[Diane Shiffer]:

No, it's usually my mornings, there's like a period of work. I get up and I do have like a lot of chores and things like that that I do. And then, um, and then somewhere and when I was working, some mornings, I never got that until I was in the car, you know, and I would, I can remember some mornings having to do so much in the morning, getting in the car, getting drive through coffee, right?

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

Tim Hortons Hazelnut with two creams, right? And,

[supdaily]:

I love hazelnut,

[Diane Shiffer]:

oh, it's

[supdaily]:

it's

[Diane Shiffer]:

so

[supdaily]:

so

[Diane Shiffer]:

good.

[supdaily]:

good.

[Diane Shiffer]:

But, and I would pull into the parking lot at work and I would just sit in the car for five minutes. Even if I was gonna

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

be late going in, I would take that time and I don't know. Like I remember writing a post for one day, which I remember all I could think of, the beauty that I could see was it was raining and just the raindrops coming down on the windshield, it

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think we get so caught up in like the motion of everything that when we take time to just sit and center ourselves. There's also some science behind the reason I asked in the morning is I did a lot of research on sleep.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Uh-huh.

[supdaily]:

And one thing I try to not do is for the first 30 minutes, I do not touch my phone. I give myself good messages

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

and I do something that makes me happy.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh.

[supdaily]:

So we're in, I think it's called theta. I forget what the words were, but essentially we are so susceptible to messaging right as we wake up. So if we set aside that time to control our own messaging,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'm sorry.

[supdaily]:

we set ourselves up for more success throughout the day.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that makes so much

[supdaily]:

And

[Diane Shiffer]:

sense.

[supdaily]:

it's, mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And I know, and I know I'll tell you that resonates with me and I appreciate you sharing that because on the mornings when I do a lot in my Instagram stories usually and I start like almost as soon as I wake up I post something, you know,

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

but those mornings when I wake up a little early and I have time to just, I don't feel like, I feel like I have time before I It helps me to not feel tied to my phone. I hate feeling tied to my phone. So,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

And you take, uh, you, you don't use your phone the entire weekend or is it just for like, you take social media breaks every weekend,

[Diane Shiffer]:

every weekend

[supdaily]:

right?

[Diane Shiffer]:

without fail. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah. I'm

[supdaily]:

How

[Diane Shiffer]:

not,

[supdaily]:

long are you

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

away?

[Diane Shiffer]:

not 100% good at it. Okay. I'm

[supdaily]:

No

[Diane Shiffer]:

not

[supdaily]:

one

[Diane Shiffer]:

gonna,

[supdaily]:

is.

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna spread this image like I just do not pick up my phone. I do, and I do scroll. Okay. I do get into

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

a scrolling thing and I do occasionally leave a comment or two have been known. But generally,

[supdaily]:

Are people ever like,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I know

[supdaily]:

you're supposed to be

[Diane Shiffer]:

it's so funny because

[supdaily]:

on your phone?

[Diane Shiffer]:

now I feel so visible. It's like,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

comment. We'll be like, oh, nano, why are you on?

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I actually had someone on my podcast a couple of months ago who gave up social media for Lent and I released the episode while she was taking her social media break. And she was just like, I wanted to see it. And she, she did her best.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

She did her

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

best.

[Diane Shiffer]:

But I think just the, and for me, the idea of not having to put content up is

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

helpful. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

So something you've said earlier that definitely was a thought in my brain. And I hope you don't take this as an attack because it's not. It's just a natural thought process because I deal with some interesting personalities in my life. No one is this nice. Not one person on earth is this nice.

[Diane Shiffer]:

So, so.

[supdaily]:

I definitely didn't think you had like a, this is your like show house. Like that's definitely not a thought that I had. Do you, how do you deal with, do you deal with people being like super resistant to how like sweet you are all the time?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I do. People sometimes will say, you know, that's one of the things people, you know, when you talk about people making fun of me or whatever, excluding me, that's

[supdaily]:

Mm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

one of the things, you know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah. What do you say to those people? Or I mean, maybe you don't say anything at

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

all,

[Diane Shiffer]:

don't

[supdaily]:

but

[Diane Shiffer]:

really,

[supdaily]:

like...

[Diane Shiffer]:

I mean, what can you say? You know, what response is there to that? I mean, sometimes I just will say, well, I'm just doing my best, you know, or something like that, you know?

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

Or we're all just doing our best or that kind of thing. But I mean, I have my moments. You ask my children.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I have my moments, but I think my kids are also wonderful. I mean, everybody says that, but you know, When I am in the middle of those moments, like if I'm upset about something, then they'll usually just start like joking with me. They'll

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

start sending each other memes like mom's big mad and all this other kind of stuff, you know, but.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I will tell you, my OGs who've been watching my stories for ages will know that I have let forth with a rant or two. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

No.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I have.

[supdaily]:

Get out.

[Diane Shiffer]:

have. I have, maybe I'll send you, maybe I'll send you my, my, oh my God, so embarrassing. But I was, there was, I'm trying to think what it was, but there was a thing about like entitlement and white supremacy

[supdaily]:

Yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

and that kind of thing. And there was, it was around the got a gun and shot all the people at the, at the, at that protest. What's his name? Kyle Rittenhouse.

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

it was dreadful. And, and, uh, you know, the people defending him and that kind of thing. And I just got really upset. And I remember I was washing Milan has, uh, El Apecia, right? So she has a wig. And so I was washing her wig and I, I thought, well, I'm just going to film because it, you know, whatever. So I did that. Well, I started talking about it and I got so upset, you know?

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And I was just like, you know, you know, I'm not that person. If you, you know, if you're gonna post that kind of stuff, comments on my thing, then, you know, just leave. We'll both be happier, you know? So,

[supdaily]:

Do

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

you think that maybe, do you think that maybe, so like, when my brain goes is you think about the era that you emulate. It is an era that was very unkind to a lot

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

of people, including women, including people of color,

[Diane Shiffer]:

People with disabilities.

[supdaily]:

people with disabilities, like it was just like, I mean, we still have these struggles now, but it was definitely more prominent

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yep.

[supdaily]:

and more blatant back then. Why are you so passionate about these causes and supporting people of color and people with disabilities. Like what inspires you to display those things so that people see what you're about? Because it's a risk.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh yeah.

[supdaily]:

When you post that stuff, you could get backlash for it,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

but

[Diane Shiffer]:

do.

[supdaily]:

you still do

[Diane Shiffer]:

I've

[supdaily]:

it.

[Diane Shiffer]:

gotten, I posted a post that was, you know, I had gotten a bunch of new followers and I did a post where I'm like, hey, I love all you guys. Great that I'm getting all these new followers, but you got to understand this about me. You

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

know, I'm not, I'm not, you know, um,

[supdaily]:

bigoted.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah. Yeah. And that I speak of not wanting to be on your phone. I was on my phone for like 48 hours nonstop because of the hate that I was getting and the nastiness and everything like

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that. And some people are like, oh, you should leave that up because then other people will come on and then you get all this engagement and it's great for your numbers and all this. not going to be on my page because

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I was just like it's not um I want people to feel safe when they come to my page I want them I want

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

them to feel like I can scroll through the comments and dianne's you know thing and I'm not gonna get hit with some kind of nastiness so and I totally didn't

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

answer your question because I got rambling and I

[supdaily]:

It's okay. The reason I ask is because I can tell it's something you're obviously passionate about. Why?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Well, I will tell you this, my parents, one thing that they did very right was they were in the 60s, they were very outspoken for civil rights and that kind of thing, we were raised that way. You know what I mean? And yeah, so that was the start of it. And then I think, you know, Noah is black, my youngest son is black. felt that way. But when I had adopted my black children, I could see the difference in the way they were treated from my white children.

[supdaily]:

Yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And there was absolutely no difference whatsoever. They were dressed the same, they had

[supdaily]:

They're

[Diane Shiffer]:

the

[supdaily]:

humans.

[Diane Shiffer]:

same manners, they had the same whatever. You know

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

breathtaking. And so that's one

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

thing I don't think people realize is when you talk about microaggressions and things like that. Children, black children in this country are assaulted with those

[supdaily]:

Yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

from the moment that they show their face in public and they're so young that they don't understand they they think violence

[supdaily]:

And

[Diane Shiffer]:

against

[supdaily]:

they probably

[Diane Shiffer]:

them.

[supdaily]:

internalize a lot of

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh, yeah.

[supdaily]:

self-loathing

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

because of the way they were treated.

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's beyond comprehension. I mean, I had, there was one situation where Noah was at preschool next to his little best friend Charles, okay, so if it was white, little blonde boy, okay. And I was standing back, you know, just kind of observing, and I actually worked for Head Start at the time. I was at Head Start, and I was administrator, so I was in the classroom. teachers came up to the table with Charles and Noah, said something to them. They both reacted the exact same way. Neither one of them looked at the teacher or the staff person and didn't interact with them in any way. So they went to Noah and reprimanded him.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

and they got down on his eye level, put their arm around the back of the chair and are like, what's the matter? So I went to them, okay, I'm seething, literally seething, okay?

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And I went to the staff person and I said, I just want to talk to you about this. I want to understand your thought process, okay?

[supdaily]:

That's good that you like did that instead of just immediately attacking, cause it's allowing them to kind of explain

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

themselves.

[Diane Shiffer]:

and then they get themselves into, well what happened was, she goes, well I can tell the attitude, I can tell the attitude because I could look at Noah and I could tell he was just being moody and he was not respecting me, okay? And then, but Charles, I could tell he was just feeling shy and I'm like okay, tell me what in their behavior told you that, you know? And so we went down to the end of it and they could not explain why, okay?

[supdaily]:

They don't, they're not grasping their own bias

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

because they've never had a chance, they've never had someone challenge them,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Right.

[supdaily]:

I'm guessing.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Right. So,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

in those experiences, I mean, I'm not going to bore you with going down

[supdaily]:

No.

[Diane Shiffer]:

the list of all of them, but those, that's one incident of thousands. So,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

and so then when, you know, things happened with Trayvon Martin, and I had a panic, a total panic within me because I was afraid that was going to happen to him, you know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thankfully, he had a wonderful, we had a family friend who was also his barber, Maurice, wonderful black gentleman. I've been so blessed with so many black folks that have so graciously taken me under their wing and

[supdaily]:

There's

[Diane Shiffer]:

taught

[supdaily]:

just, there's

[Diane Shiffer]:

this

[supdaily]:

some things

[Diane Shiffer]:

foolish

[supdaily]:

that you're

[Diane Shiffer]:

old

[supdaily]:

not

[Diane Shiffer]:

white

[supdaily]:

going

[Diane Shiffer]:

lady, you know?

[supdaily]:

to be able to teach, you know, your black children

[Diane Shiffer]:

No, no.

[supdaily]:

that because there's cultural things that you will never experience.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And there's things that as a parent I wouldn't even know I did not have a clue as to how to address them But they helped me but Maurice

[supdaily]:

That's great.

[Diane Shiffer]:

gave him the talk told him You know make sure you got your ID blah blah blah blah blah and everything and he you know did that well I can remember once Know his dad came over to pick him up and take him out somewhere and as they were getting ready to leave I said no, I do you have your ID and he was like no it's up in my room all at the time, right? So, um,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

uh, and I like, well, you cannot leave the house without your ID. You need to go stairs, you need to find it, you need to get it. He went up and he was, you know, grouching everything. And, uh, his dad looked at me and his dad was very understanding and supportive of that whole thing, very much so. But I said, I just kind of blurted out, this is never going to end because he's never going to stop being black, you know?

[supdaily]:

Yep.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And, yeah. Thank you.

[supdaily]:

I think it just takes people, like I told a story and I, on TikTok and I ended up getting a lot of duets from black folk,

[Diane Shiffer]:

That's.

[supdaily]:

which as a white person, when you make a content about race and you get a bunch of duets from black folk, you're not sure how that's gonna go

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

for you. But,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank

[supdaily]:

but

[Diane Shiffer]:

you.

[supdaily]:

I had talked about, I think it really just, you just have to pay attention. And so, you know, there's a constant talk about white privilege

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

and it's taken as something Well, if I don't have my own problems, right?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Bye.

[supdaily]:

And they make it about that. And so whenever I talk to someone who is speaking like that, I tell them this story. I was in New Orleans and I was visiting my friend Chris who's black and I couldn't park at his place. And so he had me go park in a parking lot and then he came and picked me up and then we were going to go out in the probably French Quarter area. and he grabs his registration, puts it in his visor, takes his wallet out, takes his ID, puts it in his visor. And I look at him and I'm like, what are you doing? And he was like, if I get pulled over, I don't want to have to reach for anything.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

And the fact that I have never thought about that is my privilege.

[Diane Shiffer]:

That's it.

[supdaily]:

It doesn't mean I don't have real problems. It doesn't mean that my problems aren't valid.

[Diane Shiffer]:

doesn't even

[supdaily]:

It

[Diane Shiffer]:

mean

[supdaily]:

just

[Diane Shiffer]:

that the cops

[supdaily]:

means.

[Diane Shiffer]:

might not harass you. But the other

[supdaily]:

100%

[Diane Shiffer]:

gives, yeah, but

[supdaily]:

the fact that I hadn't thought about

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

that

[Diane Shiffer]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

is an example of my privilege. The world is just, it's just straight up people treat are treated differently based on the color of their

[Diane Shiffer]:

Absolutely

[supdaily]:

skin

[Diane Shiffer]:

1000. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

and not just

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

here.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

It's in a lot of places. So it just takes time to like take a step back, look at what, what reality is and think of someone other than yourself

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank

[supdaily]:

and

[Diane Shiffer]:

you.

[supdaily]:

sit and educate yourself. They're, you're going to have uncomfortable conversations.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Absolutely.

[supdaily]:

That's one of the reasons I do that on this podcast. But that's how you grow. That's how you become a better person. That's how you have more understanding

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

and love for everyone

[Diane Shiffer]:

Absolutely,

[supdaily]:

that's around you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

absolutely.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And it shows for in the end it shows respect for the person because if you

[supdaily]:

100%.

[Diane Shiffer]:

care enough to have a difficult conversation instead of just discounting them, that it says

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I value you.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean, what do you think about, I mean, do you witness much of like the back and forth social media bickering stuff as someone who uses social media or do you kind of steer clear

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

steer clear of it very much so because

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I tell you I used to you know like here this is my arrogance okay back when the kids were young and I had this revelation like oh my god it's so different you know raising black children it's so different than raising white children because of the way they're perceived I know I'm gonna solve all the world's problems because I'll get out there as a white lady and I'll tell all my white friends this is the truth and me and go wow Diane that's great you know thank you for enlightening me well of course

[supdaily]:

No.

[Diane Shiffer]:

didn't

[supdaily]:

No.

[Diane Shiffer]:

work out that way

[supdaily]:

No. No.

[Diane Shiffer]:

but I've learned that you know there people are so it's sad but for the most part people at this point they're so entrenched in their mindset that arguing with

[supdaily]:

Thank you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

them just makes them more entrenched so I just don't

[supdaily]:

They're, it used to be that ideas are ideas, but now ideas are identities.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

So when you attack the idea, you're attacking what they feel is

[Diane Shiffer]:

there

[supdaily]:

the

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

core

[Diane Shiffer]:

did

[supdaily]:

of

[Diane Shiffer]:

it

[supdaily]:

them. Mm

[Diane Shiffer]:

yes you're so smart

[supdaily]:

hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that is so true

[supdaily]:

I've had so, I have been having uncomfortable conversations for the better part of 15 years,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Ugh.

[supdaily]:

and especially as a white dude navigating these spaces.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Like, and that was, that was where, when we were talking about earlier about not fitting in,

[Diane Shiffer]:

who.

[supdaily]:

I can exist in LGBT spaces. I can exist in black spaces. I can exist in spaces. I'll never be let in though, because I'm not a part of that community. And then I also wasn't connecting with a lot of the small mindsets that I was finding

[Diane Shiffer]:

Uh-huh.

[supdaily]:

So I always thought, hey, I should try to like figure out a way to fit into these spaces. But my therapist was like, hey, what about just being yourself and attracting the people with that mindset? It is an opportunity to be a thought leader.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Bye bye.

[supdaily]:

Be the be the flower, not the be.

[Diane Shiffer]:

you are that is wonderful and you

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

are such a flower

[supdaily]:

Yes, I've always wanted to be a flower.

[Diane Shiffer]:

you are one you are

[supdaily]:

Okay, I have a few questions

[Diane Shiffer]:

okay

[supdaily]:

from my Patreon people.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

If you're down to answer a

[Diane Shiffer]:

sure.

[supdaily]:

couple of questions, we're almost, I don't know how much, I don't want to take too much of your time. So if you ever want to ask questions to people who are on the podcast, patreon.com slash unfiltered friends, both questions are from the same person, of your knowledge of vintage from like you have so many things that I have never even heard of. Where

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's

[supdaily]:

do

[Diane Shiffer]:

just

[supdaily]:

you get

[Diane Shiffer]:

years.

[supdaily]:

your knowledge?

[Diane Shiffer]:

It's just years and years. And I love domestic history. Love domestic history. I mean, there's vast portions of vintage, vintage alia that I know nothing about, but household goods and clothing, I'm pretty well set on. And it's just years of accumulated knowledge. And also, I, I love, um, like doing weird research. So like my current research going back and looking at all the research and trying not research but the primary source things to find out what were the actual items that were in a woman's closet like how many dresses

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

did you have how many corsets did you have how many whatever you know and so that fascinates me so

[supdaily]:

Where do you go if someone's looking to do what you do

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank you.

[supdaily]:

and like find that information, where are the places that you would direct them to go look up stuff like that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Um, well, I, a lot of it you can do just through like primary, uh, materials, which so much is available online now, but there's also like books, like, um, I have like sets of what we're called homekeeping encyclopedias. Okay. And so

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm

[Diane Shiffer]:

like in there, they'll say, you know, as you're getting married and you're setting up your true, so this is what you should ideally plan, you know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

of sewing books and things like that that would outline ideal wardrobe. So you have the ideal wardrobe. And then there were, in the Depression, when they did a lot of the oral histories and things like that, the government sent out for the WPA, one of the things they did was record oral histories and things like that. And amongst those things, there's things people talking about their wardrobe. There was in some of the states, they actually did go and ask farm women all of to enumerate all of their clothing items that they have. So you have the

[supdaily]:

Huh.

[Diane Shiffer]:

ideal and then you have the reality, you know, and it was very, it's so interesting. So many surprising things that you find out.

[supdaily]:

There's a lot of history. There's a place in Georgia

[Diane Shiffer]:

to.

[supdaily]:

called Mary Max Tea Room.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Mm.

[supdaily]:

I did a food travel series where I went to a bunch of different places

[Diane Shiffer]:

So.

[supdaily]:

and I ate the food, got in the kitchen,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank

[supdaily]:

learned

[Diane Shiffer]:

you

[supdaily]:

how

[Diane Shiffer]:

very

[supdaily]:

they

[Diane Shiffer]:

much.

[supdaily]:

make it, but also learned the history. I haven't researched this, so if it's inaccurate, this is just what I was told. Um, so Mary Max was, was female owned.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Hmm.

[supdaily]:

Um, and people would not frequent businesses that were owned by women, but if it put tea room on that

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

business, uh, it was denoted that that woman was the widow of, of veteran of war and people

[Diane Shiffer]:

Wow

[supdaily]:

will be more likely to frequent that business. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what I was told by the people who, who were there. So it's

[Diane Shiffer]:

I wouldn't

[supdaily]:

interesting.

[Diane Shiffer]:

be surprised

[supdaily]:

Like when you.

[Diane Shiffer]:

at all because there was so

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

much, so much layering in the language and the sort of messaging that was used

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

back then. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

And they have the best cinnamon rolls and they make them from scratch. Oh, I want to go back. It's

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

known as George's living room, apparently. Um, uh, one more question.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

This is from Halle. What are your like favorite vintage items that you have, like things that you have around your house that you use frequently or that you love the most?

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay, I think one of my favorite things is my little cow creamer.

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[Diane Shiffer]:

I love that.

[supdaily]:

so cute.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I love that. My kids used to call it the throw up cow and they would never

[supdaily]:

It really

[Diane Shiffer]:

use it.

[supdaily]:

does. I saw that out. That's my immediate thought,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

but yes.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Somebody commented and said, that's probably why you still have it, you know, because kids wouldn't use it.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

So yeah. That and I have some courselets, okay, which are women's foundation garments that are like what we would sort of think is like a bra and a girdle together, like one piece.

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[Diane Shiffer]:

So I have a lot of those, none of which are only one of which fits me actually,

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And so that's my dream, someday to have a 1930s course let in my size.

[supdaily]:

Okay,

[Diane Shiffer]:

Dare

[supdaily]:

if any

[Diane Shiffer]:

to dream

[supdaily]:

of you

[Diane Shiffer]:

big.

[supdaily]:

know how to make that happen, we're gonna, I'm gonna put all the, I call my audience the Tweedos.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

Cause a lot of us started on Twitch together.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Bye.

[supdaily]:

So it's Twitch and Weirdo put together. Our credo is you can be exactly who you are as long as you're respectful. And

[Diane Shiffer]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

we

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

love

[Diane Shiffer]:

love

[supdaily]:

that.

[Diane Shiffer]:

that! That's awesome!

[supdaily]:

Yeah, you could be a Tweedo

[Diane Shiffer]:

I'll be...

[supdaily]:

if you like.

[Diane Shiffer]:

I would be so honored. I would be so honored, yes.

[supdaily]:

So if people are inspired by you and would like to reach out to you, where's the best place for them to do that?

[Diane Shiffer]:

I really, really work hard at keeping up on my Instagram messages.

[supdaily]:

Mm-hmm.

[Diane Shiffer]:

And I also had just started having an email that is yourchubbyvintagenana at gmail.com, like just an email that's devoted to my social media stuff.

[supdaily]:

And the Instagram is shifferdian.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Shiffer Diane and then on

[supdaily]:

Shifferdian.

[Diane Shiffer]:

TikTok, I'm also Shiffer Diane, but I'm you know how on TikTok you can have the two different things So shiffer

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Diane and your chubby vintage nanny

[supdaily]:

Ooh. Thank you so much for your time. You guys don't understand, it took a little bit of effort to

[Diane Shiffer]:

Thank

[supdaily]:

get

[Diane Shiffer]:

you.

[supdaily]:

all of this set up initially, but we got there and I'm so

[Diane Shiffer]:

He

[supdaily]:

glad that

[Diane Shiffer]:

is

[supdaily]:

we did

[Diane Shiffer]:

so,

[supdaily]:

because this

[Diane Shiffer]:

I have

[supdaily]:

is...

[Diane Shiffer]:

to tell you guys probably already know this. I've just met him. But what a sweet and tolerant and patient fellow he is. It's been, I feel like I've met a new friend.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I hope so. I hope we stay friends after

[Diane Shiffer]:

I

[supdaily]:

this.

[Diane Shiffer]:

hope we absolutely will.

[supdaily]:

All right, well thank you for being unfiltered friends.

[Diane Shiffer]:

Well, thank you for having me, honey.