Unfiltered Friends

The Life of a Caregiver w/ Chris Punsalan

• Chris Thompson • Episode 25

Share episode
[supdaily]:

Okay,

[chris]:

Push in a little bit more on the camera.

[supdaily]:

No, I mean, if anything, my editor will be able to adjust it if there's any sort of issue.

[chris]:

Yeah, I want to make this as easy for you as possible. I don't want to be.

[supdaily]:

I appreciate that. Yea, So at the, Have you done any interviews to Riverside before? Yeah, so the Riverside app is actually recording at your source quality, so when we're done, I'm going to stop recording and just wait till it says that your side is fully uploaded. Otherwise it looks like it was filmed on a raiser phone in two thousand five, and we want to see all of this.

[chris]:

Got

[supdaily]:

You

[chris]:

you?

[supdaily]:

know

[chris]:

okay?

[supdaily]:

all of it.

[chris]:

sorry, real quick. let me just close this door.

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

K. All right.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, actually, with my set up here, I have adjustable desk and

[chris]:

M

[supdaily]:

I have everything mounted to that desk, So when I want to sit down, everything just kind of like

[chris]:

comes with

[supdaily]:

goes

[chris]:

you.

[supdaily]:

with me

[chris]:

Perfect.

[supdaily]:

and it's been invaluable.

[chris]:

Yeah, that pushed me actually to get one because I've been on the fence about getting a stand Adjustable

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[chris]:

Is

[supdaily]:

it's great. This one is from the company Autonomous,

[chris]:

Okay?

[supdaily]:

and it was really affordable and I've had it for probably like three or four years now. No issues. they're

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

great.

[chris]:

I love it. Are they a sponsor or

[supdaily]:

No,

[chris]:

no? Okay?

[supdaily]:

no,

[chris]:

even better.

[supdaily]:

yeah, I just like it Yea,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

and even with the son, because I've been doing social media for like sixteen years now.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Um, I've never taken. I've never taken a brandy on something I didn't believe in and I would never tell someone to buy something I didn't believe in.

[chris]:

Ach, yah,

[supdaily]:

I'll just tell you quick story before we start. I had a brand deal with Ruby Tuesdays,

[chris]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

If you're familiar with Ruby,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Tuesdays and I went in there and I'm not surprised they didn't know I was coming in to do some like Mean, because corporate doesn't communicate, but they sit me at this table, and like they have all these items they want me to feature, and every time an item came out, it was more disgusting than the item before

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and I was with my friend. I was like, Hold on. Let me go outside and call my manager. I was like, Hey,

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

I can't in good conscience promote this product.

[chris]:

hm,

[supdaily]:

She's like, Let me call corporate. They have their conversation and I'm like trying to salvage anything

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

because you know I'd like them Money, but I also want the trust of my audience and like, by the end of it and even the servers, like one of them called the other one like the r word

[chris]:

Whoa,

[supdaily]:

in front of me,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

The it was like smelling like sewage and I was just like I can't no amount of money. because like, Well, what if you went to another location? I was like. If this is even a possibility for an experience, I'm not doing it.

[chris]:

Yeah, you're attached

[supdaily]:

Not

[chris]:

to that and you know,

[supdaily]:

people don't recognize that They don't recognize that. Like that stuff follows you,

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

And

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

that's why that's why I've been in the game a long time.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you know. I've never been like the most massive creator, but the people who follow me follow me for ever.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

no matter where

[chris]:

I have

[supdaily]:

I go.

[chris]:

lots of thoughts on that because I did do some research on you a little bit. I don't know how you want to start this or if we're already going

[supdaily]:

I mean, we're already recording,

[chris]:

Gotcha

[supdaily]:

but just we're in the flow, so

[chris]:

Okay?

[supdaily]:

just tell this story and then I'll do an intro.

[chris]:

Okay, I just noticed that you do a lot of uh, face to camera type of videos on your Instagram stories and in just your reels and other in other places, and

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I've noticed that people who do that have more trust with their audience than people who don't. Obviously, That's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

not the only way to approach social media. You could do it in many different ways.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I've noticed that people who take the time to talk to their audience just face to face, no editing, just straight up with captions like there's just a strong connection between you and the Audi. And so,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

that's always been. My goal is to support and connect and do that, and I also was always horrible at editing. Thank God to have an editor now,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

so part of that is just me being lazy. I mean, I did do my own music videos for a long time, and I was so burnt out by the end of that era. so but yeah, I love talking to people. It's fun

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and that's why this stuff is fun. Because the conversations I want to have can't really happ, And in a minute and a half, three

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

minutes, ten minutes. these are some nuance conversations and I will also pre apologize

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

for sobbing at any point during this because I have my own personal.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

I lost both my grandmas in the last five years. So

[chris]:

My goodness. I'm

[supdaily]:

and I was

[chris]:

sorry.

[supdaily]:

with one of them for the last two weeks,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

so I don't have your experience, but I was like watching your relationship and just I had to go meditate and take a nap before I did this because it was just

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

drudging. I'm actually going to Hawaii at the end of this month to finally Put the rest of her ashes in the Pacific ocean, outside of Hawaii,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Because that was her final wish and

[chris]:

that's

[supdaily]:

I had a

[chris]:

beautiful.

[supdaily]:

plan to go,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

but it was. I have my plan trip from March at twenty twenty, so

[chris]:

gotta.

[supdaily]:

that didn't work out and then

[chris]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

I was talking. I'm trying to be respectful, especially as a white person of like culture, and so like I was talking to people who were native to Hawaii, Nd. they were like, Don't come, And I was like, All right,

[chris]:

Okay, yeah,

[supdaily]:

all right, But it's been Thr Years. I think think we'll be okay now.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Okay, ready,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

okay, Hello, unfiltered friends today we have on Chris Salon, Am I saying that right?

[chris]:

yeah, that's good.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, Chris Punsalonum, near and dear to my heart, what he's doing for his, his grandma, being a caretaker

[chris]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

for her and sharing that experience. I think it's an aspect of life that people tried to avoid talking about. We had a hospice worker In here. Now we have a caretaker and it's within the family and he's built a massive following surrounding this, and also just like warming my cold

[chris]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

heart, watching him interact and I'm really excited to learn about what it is

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

that you do. Um, so hello,

[chris]:

hello.

[supdaily]:

I think

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I'm trying to think of how to ask this question.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

So to you, tell me, tell me to you what you. What is a caretaker? From your perspective, The way you experience it

[chris]:

An, what a question. What is a caretaker?

[supdaily]:

Is that what you call yourself as a

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

caretaker?

[chris]:

I guess so. Yeah, more than anything, I mean, that's the title. I guess I give myself. I just I really just see myself as a grandson who takes care who helps his grandma. It's less

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

of a care giver and just like I'm just like a regular grandson, you know, but because I am Ployed by the state to as a care giver, I guess that's the title that I give myself, and um to me it just you know. It just means helping out. You know, helping out as much as I can, doing the daily task that my grandma used to do for herself. And what a question? It's very low. Do you know because I do so much

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

for my grandmother and it's It's hard

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[chris]:

to just put it all into like you know, into into a paragraph. But yeah, I just you know, I just help her out with with with everything that she needs help with. an. Um, yeah, just a grandson.

[supdaily]:

I mean, I'm sure there will be people who argue your bit more than that, especially with the amount of. I never had to do any of the things or did any of the things that you do for your grandmother on a daily basis, you said, registered with the state. Can you talk about that process a little bit like? What does it take to be able? Is there like legalities being a grandson, taking care of her in this way?

[chris]:

Um, I don't know what the legalities are. There's a company here in in the state of Nevada that just they provide care for elderly, or I guess anybody that needs care And it's It's as easy as just signing up And going through yearly training and getting yearly T. B tests and background heck. it's just like having a regular job, you know,

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

and

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

the only differences, I guess, in this case it's just for my grandmother, and I realize every year through training I meet new people, new care givers, and I realize that more and more there are people. There are many care givers out here that are taking care of family, which is really nice to see, because I get a lot of messages every day from nurses and from from people who work in hospices and and home care, and they're like, You know. It's really nice to see people taking care of family because there's a lot of people in here that wish they were being taken care of by family, And it breaks my heart to hear that and I know that everybody's situation is different. Um, but yeah, it's just really nice to see other people also taken care of their family.

[supdaily]:

Right before we move forward, I know it's a silly question, but we are shooting this way. Not this way right.

[chris]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

Okay, look, that's that's it like I am still in the learning process

[chris]:

that's

[supdaily]:

of using

[chris]:

okay.

[supdaily]:

this program and I do not want to miss. There's two interviews I can't use and like, I never want to waste someone's time like that. You

[chris]:

I

[supdaily]:

know,

[chris]:

got

[supdaily]:

so,

[chris]:

you. I got you.

[supdaily]:

um, okay, So what was? first of all, what led up to your grandma needing you to be

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

a care taker? What was A process like

[chris]:

Um, so it's we actually had so on. She, when she started needing more help around the house, we had a care giver coming to the house five times five times a week. she would come in, which is funny, because like the person that was coming into help, my grandmother was also a little bit older and she needed help helping my grandmother, so

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

I would be the person that would lift my grandmother to the commode when the other care giver would need to change her and wash her and do all those things. Um, So that's that was my introduction and that's sort of how I was introduced to the idea that my grandmother was getting old and she's on the decline. You know, Um,

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

so

[supdaily]:

hm,

[chris]:

I guess that was the beginning of it and that was maybe like eleven twelve years ago and then

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

M. Yeah, So that was the beginning and then in. I can't remember the year, but it's I've been at her caregiver now for about eight years. I was about to graduate college. The other caregiver I used to come to the house, couldn't come any more. So me and my family were trying to figure out where was my grandma going to go Like Because you know my parents worked full time. The rest of our family works full time. It's like really difficult to help a loved one if you're working a full time job. Um, and I was about to graduate college and I didn't have any opportunities ahead, so I was like You know what, instead of sending grandma to a house or a home, let me just step up and take on the responsibility. so that's what I did.

[supdaily]:

So do you think you think Because that's unfortunately, kind of like a rare thing, because it's also a lot of responsibility. Like my grandma on my mother's side, We noticed that she started to have some like cognitive issues. She eventually passed away from dementia, and like she left a candle out and like that stuff on fire, and it just started to be dangerous

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

for her to be on her own, but my parent Didn't have the capacity to give her the care

[chris]:

H.

[supdaily]:

that she needed. What made you think that you had the capacity to take care of someone at this stage of their life with whatever struggle she was having?

[chris]:

M. I don't know. I kind of just went in blind. To be honest, I didn't. I had no

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

idea what care giving meant or what sort of tasks I'd have to do, because I was never like I said, I just come to help the care giver like do the physical things, And then she would take on the rest, so I didn't know. Um, you know, sort of the responsibilities that I had to take on. So when I, when I said I was up and ready to do it, I had no idea what I was signing up for. I just knew that I loved my grandmother. She took care of me and all of us and the rest of my family, so it only makes sense to return the favor. so

[supdaily]:

Yeah, do you feel like maybe there's an a cultural aspect as to taking care of elderly people because you're Filipino is my understanding.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Is there? Is there a cultural component in the Filipino culture of taking care of elder ones in your family?

[chris]:

yeah, I didn't realize that, though, until recently that it was a cultural thing that many Filipinos

[supdaily]:

M

[chris]:

take care of family. I just grew up thinking that everyone took care of family and that everybody had close. They were close with their family. they were close to their parents. They lived with their parents until they got married and moved out, and even if they got married and had kids, they still stayed at the house I thought Was normal. I didn't know of life outside of that. So when I started making these videos and people started messaging me, I started realizing Oh, this is very special and very cultural to Filipinos that they take care of elders, or they're very close to their family until until the end, so I just now realized. I mean, it makes me sound very ignorant that I didn't realize what was going on in other cultures, but I just tought it was the normal to help your grandma or grandpa. You know,

[supdaily]:

Something that I know because

[chris]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

I've my ex, girl friend is Filippino and I was around. Her family is like that family unit is. So it's not that it's not important in other cultures. It just seems to be a lot more prevalent

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

with Filipino people. How do the other people in New York? Do you have other people in your household with you? And how do how do they contribute to taking care of her?

[chris]:

Oh yeah, So I live with my parents and I live with my other. I live with my parents, my brother and my other grandma, who is my dad's mother. The grandma that I take care of is my mom's mother, which is a blessing to have both of them in the house. Now I'm starting to realize how much of that how rare that is to live with both of your grandma's. But yeah, everybody contributes in it's It's almost impossible to say how much they do, but it wouldn't be possible. Like taking care of Grandma wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for my other family members. Um, you know my mom she does. She helps with almost all the personal tasks in the morning. We're on like a really tight schedule, so in in the morning it's it's me and my mom. In the afternoon, it's me and my grandma taking care of my grandma, and at night we all kind of take turns and help out grandma. So it's just a beautiful thing to witness. And again, it wasn't until making these videos that I realized how special it really was because when you, when you're in it, when you're in the thick of care, giving you kind of get into a rhythm and you don't realize Like what it is that you're doing. You know, it's kind of become second nature. but when you watch it back

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

when I'm editing

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

these videos, I see how how beautiful it is and how it's just it makes me well up a little bit. because like it, just seeing my family like come together for one cause and that's just to help out Grandma. It's it's just it's really nice to see

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think it's beautiful watching you guys talk to each other and when it, when it comes to language, I'm

[chris]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

only familiar with the glug and

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

that was the assumption until I Cam Pang. Can you say it?

[chris]:

Cupombagn

[supdaily]:

Come, say it again.

[chris]:

cup Baga.

[supdaily]:

Compumpanang

[chris]:

that's pretty close, man. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

close enough. M. Where's that from? where? Like? Like, I only know of Tagalo, So like is that specific to a certain region in the Philippines or

[chris]:

yeah, I believe it. Don't quote me on this, but I believe it originated in Pampanga, which I think is like

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

a section of the Philippine. And then obviously there are there are many cities within Pampanga, So my parents are from Bum Ban Thar Luck, and that's pretty much everybody in Bumban speaks Caumbangan And then it kind of stretches out and reaches other regions of Pumpbanga, but I believe it was originated there.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I was really interesting to. Yeah. I was. I was. I just love listening to you guys talk. We had some good cries today. Look, look at all that stuff up

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

so she seems to, when you talk to her, not always know who you are.

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

she says things like, sometimes she'll say you're the child of my child Is

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

something that she says often.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

How much does she know of who you are? She always seems grateful. but how much does she know about who you Are while you're

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

helping her?

[chris]:

so she always seems to. these are the three court. I mean, I don't know how many I could list, but there are some core things that she always remembers that she remembers my name Chris. she remembers that I'm her grandson, and she remembers that we've been together since I've been a little child. So those are the three things

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

that she always remembers, Even if she'll forget one of them, if you could remind her of one of the things, whether I'm her grandchild or maybe a Chris, or that we've been together since I was young. She'll be able to put all three together and say, Oh, you're Chris. You're my grandchild. We've been together since we've been ittle. So those are the three core things that she always remembers. Aside from that, I don't really know what she remembers in what she doesn't any more like. Some days she'll remember more. Some day she'll be able to tell me stories of when she was a teacher. Um, In other days she won't remember any of it. So it's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

it's a roll Roll of the dice.

[supdaily]:

Describe what what you've learned about her through your time of being her care giver, which I'm now saying, give her instead of take. Er. I'm noticing that's that's different.

[chris]:

Yeah, I have. Let's see what have I learned?

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

It's it's crazy to think that you can learn more about somebody every day when you've lived with them pretty much your entire life,

[supdaily]:

M, hm,

[chris]:

but I more and more I understand how much she was there for other people when she was younger.

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

So when she was, she was a public school teacher for about twenty years, and Every day she would, she would bring extra money to give to to her students and to students of other teachers to to buy food, or you know, to use for whatever they needed, and she would do that every day and make sure that everyone was fed and make sure that everybody had what they needed. supplies. Um whatever, Maybe maybe they needed to stay somewhere after school because they didn't have any where to go. She would provide shelter for them. She would take them to the house if they Needed to. She was

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

just there for everybody else. So more and more I realized like how much how important she was to other people, because I'll hear from some of her students on Facebook, saying like, Oh, that was my teacher and she helped me out when times were rough. And yet it's it's it's It's a beautiful thing to hear. For sure.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, and she seems like she has, even in her inability take care of herself. It seems like she still translates that into in whatever way she can. How does she take care of you in her state now,

[chris]:

Interesting how does she take care of me? I think she reminds me to be grateful, and I think that I carry that with me every day. She is probably the most grateful person I know. With literally anything you do for her or with her. She's extremely grateful like I already fill her water bottle and she's like. it's like I. It's like she won the latter.

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

Um,

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

and it's it's It's so. it's such a beautiful reminder to just for me to be grateful and to live with with gratitude in my heart. Because it makes living. It just makes living so much easier. you know, so. yeah,

[supdaily]:

She expresses, I'm a child, but she expresses gratitude for her parts,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and I want to understand

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

how that came

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

to be a thing that. now I know in

[chris]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

my brain gratitude, Why is she grateful for parts? And how did that start? Yeah,

[chris]:

I don't know how it started. Actually, I know where the where she first said it. I don't know where it came from before that, but I was transferring her to her commode and she let out some air in the the you know from her butt and

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

she laughed and she's like. I'm so grateful that I can far, because I know that other people are able to do that And it just made

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

me laugh because it's so funny to hear, but it's so true, though, like there are many people with Make issues that are unable to let that out, and they go through their day being really uncomfortable Ecause. they can't let it out, so yeah, it's it's that's so funny that you remember that,

[supdaily]:

That's one for jokes. In my family

[chris]:

Uh,

[supdaily]:

is like a staple,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

but also just the idea. I think

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I think we don't express enough gratitude in general because we're so in our flow. like something I do when I wake up in the morning. Is I wake up before the sun Every morning.

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

I'm just a early riser, and when the first rays of light hit my face I say thank you, son. because not everyone got to see you today,

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

and that is a way for me to be grateful. And and I think that wise gratitude. Do you feel important to you and her?

[chris]:

um, to her, I think it's because she understands, even though she might not be in the in. You know, she might not be at a hundred per cent. She understands that she isn't as strong as she was before, and that she needs a lot more help than she did before because she was a very independent And growing up. Um, you know both of her paents were working, so she had to kind of raise herself so she understands that you know times are times have significantly changed, and that she needs help with everything, and I think she recognizes that and to have anybody help her with anything that she needs, she's just extremely grateful. And how does how does that help me? I think it just makes me appreciate living so much more when you're grateful for everything, when you're grateful for having water, when you're grateful for being And having and having the son, Because you understand that not everybody has these privileges and I just feel like it. Just I don't know. It just makes me happier human just being grateful for everything.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, No, I agree. that's something my grandma taught me to. It

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

was really interesting just to give you a little bit of like. Why this kind of like hit home for me,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

My grandma on my dad's side. She

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

wasn't supposed to make it through the weekend. Um, so we all went and we all went and we saw her research while we were there, And you know she had a. She had double nemonia, She had a by Pat mask on. She couldn't talk and then all And this personality came out, and

[chris]:

M, Yeah,

[supdaily]:

My parents, my, my, my uncle's and my dad and my aunt had to go back to their life, but I had the flexibility and so I didn't have much money, but it was like, not even a question that I was going to, because I saw what family did for her well being, and so I was in the hospital every single day for the last couple weeks of her life. Do you feel the same sense of duty as a grandson? That? like for me,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

It

[chris]:

Yah,

[supdaily]:

wasn't even a thought. it was

[chris]:

h.

[supdaily]:

like, Yeah, I'm going to show up for this woman because she's a part of my family and she showed up for me.

[chris]:

h.

[supdaily]:

Did you have that same feeling of like duty? and like not even questioning it?

[chris]:

Yeah. it wasn't even quite like. Yeah, I didn't even. He's nothing. There's nothing to consider here because this is. that's just the way of life. You know. it's

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

you you. You grow up with somebody helping you out and taking care of you, And then you do the same for the person that did that for you, And that's obviously not everybody can take it to that extreme. I understand everybody has a different circumstances and not everybody can be a care giver or a caretaker.

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

But it's just to me that it, just it wasn't no brain. Er. I, just you know that was. that's what I had to do.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I learned so much about her. She you do when you? I mean, I obviously wasn't to the same degree as you. You've been doing it for so long, but like I learned that she loved Take Bell, and like I told her that if she got better, I would have them start putting take bell in her. I v.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

You know she loved holioglacias and I speak Spanish, so I started singing holioglacia songs to her

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and it's just like such a. I don't know. I think, especially in typical, like American culture, we just can't Of like hand off that part of our loved ones

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

lives. And I remember just walking around that floor where she was and how many of them were just by themselves,

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

And I do understand that we don't all have that capacity, but it's just like

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

for me If if I had the ability to do it, it was like Yeah, it was

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

no

[chris]:

Why

[supdaily]:

question,

[chris]:

not. Yeah, I think about that often because you know I get tons of messages from people saying that they wish they would have done the same, but they couldn't get themselves to do it because it's difficult to see a loved one, uh, declining, you know, and and I totally

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

understand, because that

[supdaily]:

hm,

[chris]:

was the hardest thing for me in the beginning Was just seeing my grandmother in this state and it is difficult. It's one of the most difficult things to push through, so I totally get why some people you know have to hand off the responsible Because they just don't have the strength to

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

take care of them.

[supdaily]:

it is. really. I think that's probably the hardest part as you remember them a certain way

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

and then you see like my grandma was well spoken and elegant and she couldn't even turn herself over or speak. Um, but I was. I'm still grateful for that. for

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

that time.

[chris]:

take Bell in the ivy. I would love that. that's

[supdaily]:

Yeah, she also loved professional wrestling. I'm just

[chris]:

yeah.

[supdaily]:

like. what? Who is this woman you like? Get to know them on like such a different level.

[chris]:

Yeah, that's an amazing takobesling. I mean you can't be. That's an amazing combo right there.

[supdaily]:

My ninety five year old grandma was like so cool. You know who knew. So walk me through your schedule because it has to be pretty involved. so

[chris]:

M

[supdaily]:

walk me through a typical day of taking care of Grandma.

[chris]:

sure so every day I get up at. I also like to rise before the sun

[supdaily]:

There we go. Do you get ridiculed for that?

[chris]:

sometimes, but I

[supdaily]:

Sometimes?

[chris]:

think it's because he secretly want to do the same,

[supdaily]:

Okay, we'll go with that.

[chris]:

but I'll get up. I'll do twenty minutes of cardio, like I bought. I bought a tread meal a couple of years ago, and it's one of the best investments I've ever made,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

so I'll hop on that and I'll hop in the cold shower. I'll meditate for a bit, and then I'll prepare my grandmother's food, which every day she has oatmeal and half of a waffle, Um,

[supdaily]:

Half of a waffle.

[chris]:

half of a waffle can't be

[supdaily]:

Any

[chris]:

the

[supdaily]:

syrup

[chris]:

thing.

[supdaily]:

or anything like

[chris]:

No,

[supdaily]:

that or

[chris]:

sarp,

[supdaily]:

just

[chris]:

just straight up oatmeal banana and half of a waffle

[supdaily]:

Okay,

[chris]:

with a side

[supdaily]:

The

[chris]:

of coffee.

[supdaily]:

the banana gets the sweetness in there.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Okay. Okay,

[chris]:

we've tried the sere, but it's just a little too sweet for her

[supdaily]:

Too much. Okay,

[chris]:

too much. And then I'll go to my grandmother's room. get her up. change her. Uh, you know, tend to her to her bed sore. get her dress. get her in the Helchair, and then we'll have breakfast and then I'll help or taker her. We call them, We call the medicine, but it's really just vitamins like vitamin C and

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

calcium. Um, and then she does that. she attends this daily mass on T V. So on the t on T f C, the Filipino channel. there's a daily mass

[supdaily]:

T,

[chris]:

and

[supdaily]:

f. C. So

[chris]:

Th

[supdaily]:

the Filipino channel

[chris]:

The Filipino channel.

[supdaily]:

Okay, got it?

[chris]:

Yeah, we'll throw on the daily mass and then she'll she'll attend mass, and then after that I'll help her back into her bed. I'll get her, you know, cuddled up with the blankets, because it's a little cold here and Vega, so I'll get her cuddled up. I'll give her the rosary, and then she'll pray the rosary, Um, until she nods off and falls asleep, So that's usually the routine for the morning, and then from from about so now it will be like nine o'clock, nine thirty. From nine thirty to Welve. That's why I'll have time to to edit videos, or, or just or make music or do anything social media related, And then at twelve o'clock ll help grandma again, Ll get her back up, just the same routine that we did in the morning. get her out of changer, get her cleaned up. get her on the weel chair, and then we'll have lunch, and then we'll hang out from about twelve o'clock to one thirty, two o'clock, and then from two to five thirty is, I'll go back to doing some social media stuff. I'll do a pot, Cast or videos,

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

or go to the gym, and then at at six about six o'clock do the same thing that we did in the morning and afternoon. get it up and we'll have dinner, and then we'll hang out until about eight o'clock. And then you know I put it in her bed and she, she'll be in her bed from about eight to seven o'clock the next day.

[supdaily]:

Wow,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

your grandma and I have a very similar schedule. I'm starting to recognize I was like, Oh, I do that. Oh, I do that, too.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Did it take a while to get this schedule? Kind of like down.

[chris]:

Yeah, it took a very long time. I can't even tell you how long it took, but it took a long time for us to get a solid routine, but I found that this, this normal seat for my grandmother is the best thing for her because reminds her she, she understands where she is at all times and she knows exactly the time that she's going to go out and and do certain things. So that's the best I found for her in her mental state, So yeah, it's

[supdaily]:

Same

[chris]:

really nice to have routine. It's nice

[supdaily]:

actually

[chris]:

for her

[supdaily]:

saying

[chris]:

and for me it's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

really.

[supdaily]:

I

[chris]:

Yes.

[supdaily]:

can imagine, because you kind of know what to expect from your experience with her. But so how do you? How do you have a life as a care giver

[chris]:

Yeah, so I fit my life in between when I'm helping my grandmother out, so

[supdaily]:

Because

[chris]:

everything

[supdaily]:

this has

[chris]:

is

[supdaily]:

been eight, eight years of

[chris]:

about

[supdaily]:

this.

[chris]:

eight years. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

So like, Yeah, what do you do to have like your own social life for?

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like any of those things,

[chris]:

I just fitted in so everybody that I'm around they know my time blocks, so they know exactly where I'm going

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

to be in what time I'm going O be there. so I just fit everything around that, so I'm the schedule. My my daily schedule is. Uh, It's what keeps me saying because I know that from three three to five thirty I can do x, y and z, and that keep that's That's more than enough for me to be Appy. I don't need all day to be doing other things

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

or hanging out with friends or being social. Like, If you want to hang out with me, If you want to go get lunch like we could do it from three to four, four thirty, and after that I have to go.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

So it's it's really nice. Honestly, it took me a long time to um to just be comfortable with the fact that I can't do things that other people can do. But also I'm I have. I have the privilege of you know of Of a flexibility. You know, because some people have a nine to five and there they're stuck at the nine o five all day

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

where I'm just I just have little time blocks where I have to be with grandma, and aside from that I can go and go to the gym or do other things like work. And you know stuff like that.

[supdaily]:

Would you describe yourself as a more like introverted person?

[chris]:

I don't know. I'm always on the fence about if I'm introvert, introvertor, extroverted with people that I know. I'm very outgoing.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I don't know if you can consider yourself outgoing with people that you're comfortable with, but

[supdaily]:

Well, yeah,

[chris]:

I'm just very loud and I like to make jokes and just have fun. But with people that I'm not familiar with, I tend to be a little bit

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

more to myself.

[supdaily]:

the reason I say that is

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

because when you have someone to take care of and I don't have some one, I have a dog.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Um, sometimes my introverted nature when my battery runs out, I was like hay. Like I got to go. You know my dogs by himself. I got to

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

make sure take amount of stuff like that.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Is that ever like a? like a good excuse for

[chris]:

yes,

[supdaily]:

you to remove yourself?

[chris]:

one hundred percent. I use that all

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[chris]:

the time. I mean it's

[supdaily]:

uh,

[chris]:

true. I mean, I'm not making something up,

[supdaily]:

Right.

[chris]:

but it is something that I fall back on key guys. I have to you know, I got to elp, Grandma.

[supdaily]:

See, I think that's fantastic. That's

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like an introvert dream. That's why.

[chris]:

but a dog is also a great reason to you know to leave. so

[supdaily]:

Oh, but when someone says and I don't know if someone said to you like, have someone else do

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

it or something like that?

[chris]:

oh man,

[supdaily]:

Oh, okay, someone looks at you and says I still want to hang out.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Have someone else take care of her.

[chris]:

hm,

[supdaily]:

What do you think and how do you react?

[chris]:

Uh, look, I try to be like, Look, it doesn't It's not that I'm already getting flustered by thinking

[supdaily]:

I

[chris]:

a

[supdaily]:

know I know it's frustrated

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

because it's It's almost like, Um, reducing what it is that you do or the importance of what you do, And

[chris]:

Exactly

[supdaily]:

that's kind of disrespectful.

[chris]:

yeah. but it's hard to explain that in the moment it's not like you know you can't just be stoic and be like. That's. you know who. Who are you to think that that's that somebody else can take on the responsibility. I just that hasn't happened in a while, but if it does happen, I gut be like, look, man, I got to go all right. That's that's what it is. I got to go.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, to me, that will be somebody that I would probably end up spending less time with.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you know, like someone, I remember, I had to leave to go take my dog out. He had been by himself for a while and they were like, Oh, it's just a dog and I'm just like I am trying.

[chris]:

Where

[supdaily]:

I am trying

[chris]:

yeh?

[supdaily]:

to be with the Lord in this moment, But you are making it very difficult for me because that's anyway. I don't mean to compare the two because you can't. but like I understand it to Point,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

so I noticed that in your content one you're very talented at music like producing. Are are you actually singing to or wrapping, or is you just producing for other people?

[chris]:

I followed more towards the producing side. I have dabbled in wrapping and singing, but I think I enjoy producing more. so Yeah, that's where

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

that's my line.

[supdaily]:

so I noticed that you had a lot of your content with surrounding like the music. Part of it. it seems

[chris]:

H.

[supdaily]:

to like up about a year ago. Does that feel accurate?

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

Where where the shift happened? Describe the shift from posting about the music stuff you were doing to the decision about posting about your relationship with your grandma and being a care giver,

[chris]:

Yeah, so I started a U tube channel in two thousand Fourteen, and I wanted to be a flogger like B versus G, F, or Charles Tripp, or you know the Ogs, I guess of Youtubesha, Carl, Um,

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[chris]:

I wanted to be a flogger and

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[chris]:

that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to document my life and everything that I did. So that's what I did for a really long time, and then one day from the beginning I've always been making music, but one day I decided to just make a video dedicated to me making music like. Let me just Make a video. How do I make a bet? Here's all the things that I do and here's what it sounds like and it did really well. Really well. I mean, you know, I got a couple thousand views, which is way better

[supdaily]:

Bro.

[chris]:

than

[supdaily]:

that's still good. Okay, don't down. play it.

[chris]:

all right. Sorry, it did very well. And yeah, I was Ike. You know what, Let me continue to do this because I think there's something here, So I continued to do that. I stopped flogging a little bit and I just focused all my content around music, and I was able to to you know, make a good amount of money from from doing that, Providing value to the producer community, And I also built an online business that was surrounded around producing, and I just did that for for many, many years, and here and there I would show Grandma like I would tell people like I'm also a caretaker for my grandmother like here's what we do throughout the day, and I'll just insert that in the video. And yeah, I was never like the focus of the video. And then one day I just made on Tiktok. I made a day in the life of a caretaker, and it just it went insane and it went vir And all these people started like all these news outlets started hitting me up, and I was like Wow, this is. this is where I didn't know people would be so invested in a grandson helping out his grandma. I didn't realize

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

at the time that you know people would love seeing that and I kind of put that to the side. Kept making music, kept making videos about music And then yeah, I don't know. I just put on a mike one day like I mike myself up because I was seeing all these people in the gym doing mikedupvideos and I was like that looks cool. Let me try that With my grandma and then the videos. you know, those did absolutely insane. and

[supdaily]:

Mhm,

[chris]:

uh, yeah, I just for so. In the beginning, The whole, The whole reason I wanted to make videos was just to be able to document and be able to watch it when I'm old. That was like always

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

the inspiration.

[supdaily]:

hm,

[chris]:

Um, and then when I started making these Mike videos with my grandmother and I saw the response from people. Um, like people saying. Oh, I haven't heard bangin in years because my both of my grandparents passed away And I moved away from my family and I haven't heard my language in years, and like hearing you makes me feel like I'm at home And that was like that hit me close, Because like I grew up speaking about bangin and hearing it, and like that's all I know, I can't even imagine not hearing it. So and if I were in their shoes and heard it, I would be like Holy crap. this is like insane to hear. So you know that's what keeps me going. Also the people that say that they show their children these videos and their children tell them I want to take care of Grandma. I want to take care of you when you get older. I mean, you know that's Those are just a couple of reason. There's so many more reasons why I continue to make these videos with grandma. But like those are the two reasons at the top that just inspired me to just keep documenting.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I have. one of the last video where my grandma could speak was the intro for was part of the intro for this podcast

[chris]:

Wow,

[supdaily]:

for a while, and I was just so grateful because I didn't know that was the last time she was going to be able to speak to me, and that's

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

why it's important to document these moments that was actually at a next door neighbor.

[chris]:

Mah,

[supdaily]:

growing up. Burney and his wife passed away from dementia, and he would just sit at the end of his Garage and just look at the neighborhood. I was in a very like typical Midwestern Leave it to beaver type neigh. Everyone's on a half acre. Every house kind of looks the same and I always made a point of my parents would do this to my sister Would do this too. If I was in town because I lived in California, for I moved to California. after college.

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

I would sit and I would listen to him. I would listen to his stories, because old folks, man, they got a wealth of just like, Really, just in Credible stories. And one of those stories, Um, he was talking. You could tell. He just want. He just wanted to brow it up, you know, like you know, he

[chris]:

h,

[supdaily]:

wore two vat, you know, like

[chris]:

h,

[supdaily]:

he just wanted to row it up, and he's talking about, You know, when he was younger and like chasing women and like what his life

[chris]:

h,

[supdaily]:

was like, and stuff like that, And when Burney passed away, I was able

[chris]:

h, M,

[supdaily]:

to hand that video to his family. They would have never had that. So it's like I'm sure, and maybe we could talk about this that you get back Clash for filming

[chris]:

hm,

[supdaily]:

so much of your relationship with your grandma. I'm sure some people think maybe you're just using her for

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

clouds and stuff like that. Have you got comments like that? And what kind of response do you have to those people?

[chris]:

Yeah, I have gotten that a lot. I've seen some pretty mean red threads about me Like that was the last time I ever googled myself or like.

[supdaily]:

Just

[chris]:

Look,

[supdaily]:

don't

[chris]:

Yeah, just

[supdaily]:

just don't googe yourself.

[chris]:

don't it's

[supdaily]:

Happy

[chris]:

a trap.

[supdaily]:

people don't talk.

[chris]:

That's That's funny. Im going to remember that.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

Yeah, don't ever google yourself. Look yourself up on. Read it, but yeah, I've seen people I've seen every you know. I've received comments. negative comments about myself since the beginning, even when I was just producing music like I've received negative. It's about that also,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

so, uh, but it does hurt a little bit more because it's about my grandmother. I have seen people say you're exploiting your grandmother like. Why can't you keep it private? If you're doing a good deed? Why put it on camera? Like? what's the like?

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

Are you even a real caretaker, or do you just do it for Instagram, Which

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[chris]:

is probably the most like. That's the funniest one that I've seen. It doesn't make me mad. It just makes me laugh a little bit, because I know what the truth is.

[supdaily]:

You just literally are for the last eight years of your life like it's not even a debate. It's objectively

[chris]:

Right.

[supdaily]:

the truth,

[chris]:

Yeah, so I've heard everything. My response. I don't know. I just I guess I have empathy for those people. Because if you come across a video of somebody taking care of somebody with a mice on, and then that's all you see. You don't know anything about me. You don't know my aim or you don't know

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

my back. You don't know anything. I can see how somebody would think. Oh, maybe this guy is just doing it just to give views. It's similar to. you know, when people film themselves giving money to charity or to to other people that that In need I can. I totally empathize with other people that say that, And um, I used to get really upset, but now I just you know, I understand that not everybody is going to take the time to do their home work on me like nobody has the time to do that. So

[supdaily]:

It's usually just like the called The Finger Traffic. They

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

only see what they can roll by.

[chris]:

exactly so they just see a quick fifteen second clip of me. They think negatively of it and then they'll move on with their day. They probably don't even think abou Me anymore. It's like it's just

[supdaily]:

They weren't thinking about you to begin with, It's

[chris]:

exactly

[supdaily]:

not about you,

[chris]:

yeah. it's not. Yeah. it's not about me. I guess it's more about them. so

[supdaily]:

But still heart. Still, you're not a robot. you

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

know.

[chris]:

right, yeah, yeah, but it sucks that what really hurts me is seeing all these people say such nice things and then one comment, one negative comment will just throw you off and ruin

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

your entire day

[supdaily]:

hm,

[chris]:

And it's so sad to let yourself do that because there's all these wonderful people leaving messages saying how you, Them saying that you're inspiring their kids to be caretakers. And then one person without a profile picture, Stinky pants for twenty,

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[chris]:

you know, leaves the comment and it's like Know, you're just doing this for like and then and then you just forget about all the people that were just saying such nice things

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[chris]:

And you think about this guy and he ruins your day. So

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

it's fortunate.

[supdaily]:

there's um. so I mean, I've been doing content creation full time for thirteen years now,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and I've been on every platform All the people you were talking about. the O G people. They're my friends.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Like I started around the same time that Charles Tripp. did. In fact,

[chris]:

Love

[supdaily]:

we

[chris]:

that,

[supdaily]:

used to look exactly like each other and take side by side pictures every time we go to vidcon. Um, it really teaches you how to focus on that positive stuff. Start with that gratitude that you, Ma. Does you know like where you look at the at the positive? It's It's really difficult, but there's I don't know if you're familiar with the author Ben Brown,

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

So she talks a lot about. She's a shame researcher. he reached.

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

Research is shame

[chris]:

wow,

[supdaily]:

and she has a bunch of great books. I'm currently finishing the Gifts of imperfection, which is helping me with my struggle with worthiness. I'll send you all this.

[chris]:

Okay, cool perfect.

[supdaily]:

She has a quote in one of her Ted Ta That went viral. She goes. I only take criticism from people who are in the arena with me, But you get criticism from other care givers so they kind of are in a way. Does it hit harder when those people criticize you?

[chris]:

A little bit, so I've only received a couple of them. One that stands out is, Is this this person saying that he also cares for his dad, but he is so busy caring for his dad that he doesn't have time to film himself, which was a little ironic because

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

you have time to leave a comment about it, but you on't have time. It's funny Is a little funny.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

However,

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[chris]:

it does hurt a little bit more. because these people like these are my fellow care givers. You know, like we're

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

We're in the same. We're in the same boat doing the same thing. We share the same struggles and it hurts a little bit more. Yeah, but I guess

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I also have empathy for those people too, because you know they're probably going through something, so

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think one of the things one of the thoughts that I had in watching you is that I am so happy that your grandma is as grateful and kind as she is. I have seen very opposite. Dementia is a cruel, is a cruel beast, man. It turns people into other people, So I can. I also have empathy for those people because I know how tough it was on my mom in the

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

last moments of like the last stages of my grandma's life. Um, does your

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

grandma know that she's Your learning the Internet?

[chris]:

I've tried to explain to her. I've tried to show her videos and tried to show her comment. She'll read some comment sometimes, but she'll just always. I don't know if she doesn't really have a grasp of what the Internet is, So to have her understand that she's popular on the Internet, you'd have to explain what the internet is to her first. And where do we even begin with that? Like

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I don't even want to take on the journey of trying to explain that. So

[supdaily]:

Oh my God, how do you explain the internet?

[chris]:

yeah, how do you? Yeah, she's You know? where do you even begin?

[supdaily]:

I don't like my brain is blinking. It's just a thing

[chris]:

It's just the thing that we do. It's just the thing that we're on.

[supdaily]:

That's wild.

[chris]:

If you figure

[supdaily]:

so

[chris]:

it

[supdaily]:

like,

[chris]:

out, please let me know so I can

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[chris]:

tell

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

her

[supdaily]:

I'm actually going to think about this.

[chris]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

Okay

[chris]:

please do. yeah,

[supdaily]:

and if anyone's listening, please, If you can explain the internet, I want

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

to. I want to know, but she has to know to a degree that there are people appreciating, There's a reason the camera is up. There are people appreciating your connection. I'm assuming people send you stuff too. sometimes

[chris]:

Yeah, So

[supdaily]:

so

[chris]:

every time people send stuff, I have her read the letters, M.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

and she just say who is this from? And I'll just always say that it's from your friend from the Philippines, because that's the only way if I try to tell her exactly what state they're from Like, she'll have no idea, but the

[supdaily]:

No

[chris]:

Philippines.

[supdaily]:

idea,

[chris]:

she'll know. Um, so I say, it's a friend from the Philippines. and then she'll say Oh, I wish I remembered who they were. Either way, thank

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

you for sending that. so

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

that's you know that that's her only understanding, I guess of people's appreciation for her. But the cameras, the likes. the comment like that doesn't even like. It's hard to get her to understand that

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I've tried.

[supdaily]:

Oh, my grandma didn't I've been doing this for sixteen years. My grandma was like You

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

do. what? Okay? whatever?

[chris]:

just be safe.

[supdaily]:

So are you? So are you? Are you? Were you born in the States?

[chris]:

Yes, I was born in Virginia. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

So are you first generation or was your previous generation

[chris]:

I'm a first generation child.

[supdaily]:

American?

[chris]:

Yeah, first generation American. Yes,

[supdaily]:

So your parents were from the

[chris]:

They're

[supdaily]:

Philippines.

[chris]:

from the Philippines yet.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I actually have permanent scars on both of my hands

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

From. I don't like flown. I don't, but I love filippino flown. I don't know

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

what's different about it and I went to take. I was, you know, my xphilippino. So I was like learning dishes because I like learning about other cultures and I took it out and both second degree burns from the rack Touching. Have you? have you had the Filipino flan?

[chris]:

I've had Philipinoflan, Feel like Im goin to let a lot of people down.

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[chris]:

I'm just not. I'm not a fan.

[supdaily]:

What.

[chris]:

I know it's

[supdaily]:

It's literally the only type of flan I like.

[chris]:

It's It's too soft. I, now it's going to sound crazy. It's too soft and too sweet for me. It's just now.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I have a sweet tooth. That's how I cope with

[chris]:

eh.

[supdaily]:

my feelings. That's how. So. that's a question.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

How like you know you are

[chris]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

dealing with someone that you love very much towards the end of her

[chris]:

h.

[supdaily]:

existence. How do you emotionally cope with that?

[chris]:

I think I've been better about it lately. It used to really get me down when I think about it, but I think because we've shared so many beautiful moments together and I understand that this is just the cycle of life and that she is in no pain. Thankfully, and she is, she isn't. She's not struggling, you know she's She's in great spirits and I think that's what. that's what I hold on to, and thinking about her not being here with with us any, Or it doesn't make me as sad as it used to, and I think I've come to terms with that. That's just the way of life and you know that's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

happened to all of us, So

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I kind of want. I don't want to make this about me, but I do want to share at least this part of it as someone who has like watched their

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

grandma through the end. You know, I was only with her for the last two weeks, so it's not quite as extensive, but it started to when I was watching my grandma. It was like one thing after another if it wasn't Neumonia. It was her co. P. D. If it wasn't that, it was bed sores and then like it got to the

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

point Where the bed sores would have needed surgery and she wouldn't

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

been able to survive that because she was so frail And then she was like soiling herself and it was just like

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

it got to a point where it was almost harder.

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

Now it was harder to watch her suffer than to let her go.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I actually have the word Listen tattooed right here on my chest in her handwriting, and M. She had an advanced directive. I'm sure you've had all those talks with as

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

as a carecgiver that there was, wasn't supposed to be any sort of permanent solution for feeding. Um, so she wasn't able to swallow. so they had a tube in, But then one day she just took the tube out. She couldn't talk, but she spoke if you understand what that means, and she was refusing to let the doctors put it back in. and M, when I came into the hospital that day she wasn't in her room and I was like Where where She like? Oh, they moved her to another floor, Nd she took the feeding to, about refused to put it back in, and I didn't recognize at that point that the floor they moved her to was the floor for her to pass on. Um, And so I go up there and it was the happiest I ever saw her. she was like the whole time I watched her smile because she had made peace with her decision and I leaned down to her and I said, Do you want to know? Sorry,

[chris]:

M. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I know you get it because I've seen you talk about this part of life. Um, with your grandma, I was like. Do you want to know what the greatest lesson you ever taught me was And she nodded and she, she said, I said,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

you taught me that a lot of times when people want advice, they just want someone to listen,

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

and she smiled and then she passed away, and

[chris]:

o,

[supdaily]:

it was like such a powerful moment. and while I miss her on a daily basis,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I'm just so glad that she has peace now, And I'm just I'm just grateful that I had that time with her and I know you're going

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

to feel that same thing where there's going

[chris]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

to be. You're going to E. a little sad that she's gone. What you're going to be so grateful for the time that you had for her in these moments, especially as extensive and involved as you have had.

[chris]:

Yeah. that's beautiful. Oh my goodness, that just gave me chills. That's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

something to hold on to for for forever. you know. it's

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[chris]:

uh, I think making peace with with passing is one of the most beautiful things you could do for. And it's it's probably the H. I don't know it. Just it just makes it sound like it makes the whole process just easier when you make peace with the fact that it's it's going to happen

[supdaily]:

It just is what it is, Brother. It's

[chris]:

Is

[supdaily]:

time

[chris]:

what

[supdaily]:

to go,

[chris]:

it's

[supdaily]:

you

[chris]:

time

[supdaily]:

know,

[chris]:

to go, Man.

[supdaily]:

especially when they're in their nineties, they lived a full life.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I'm sure your grandma had some stories you know,

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Has she? when she was able to communicate better, did she tell you like any, like really cool stories of her upbringing or like who she was or what she did?

[chris]:

Yeah, So she talks a lot about and my other grandmother tells a lot of these stories, too. Is that when there was a war going on in the Philippines, I guess it's not a happy story, but I guess it's kind of cool to tell Now that

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

on the way to school or on the way to wherever they were going, there would be planes and soldiers in the street And you know there is a lot of Japanese people there at the time, And you know they said that they made friends with a lot of the Japanese people because they were just Kind even during a war. even while there were bombings going on that they were able to make friends with people

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

of some of the soldiers,

[supdaily]:

hm,

[chris]:

And it's just really cool to hear that you know they made peace with people that were at war with their people.

[supdaily]:

M,

[chris]:

And

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

it's just a, You know, Even though it's like a very traumatic thing to happen to them, it was a nice that they could find some peace in that during

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

the time. so

[supdaily]:

I think that probably plays into why she's so grateful now is because she's experienced that

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

that era like as much as we have it tough in many ways now like I fail to compare it to like times of Great Depression, or a word to,

[chris]:

Right,

[supdaily]:

or being a part like we have relative safety in

[chris]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

in this country, so I think maybe that could play into what war was that I'm not

[chris]:

I'm not sure. I just

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[chris]:

know that there was Americans and Japanese people in the Philippines during that time. I don't know who was fighting who. I don't know what the war was over. But there was. there was a lot of chaos in the streets at the time and I can only

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

like thinking about myself if I were to like if I'm just in my room and I could hear like planes flying over and like bombs happening like near by. I don't even know how do you live a normal life after

[supdaily]:

The

[chris]:

that

[supdaily]:

anxiety around

[chris]:

right,

[supdaily]:

that has to be obscene like you're You're witnessing a little bit with the Ukraine, Russia

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

thing, where like these people lived at these. Like this was my school. They show a picture of the school and now it's just

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like gone, and you're hearing explosions like. Yeah, I can't even imagine. so it really just as a testament to the fortitude of who she is, that

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

that she would be able to do that and be grateful.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Um, can you think of a story or an interaction with someone who watches your content And expressed how your relationship impacted them in a positive way? Is there

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

a story that sticks out?

[chris]:

sure, I've I've been so lucky to run into people that watch my videos and it's been such a blessing to come across these people because never in. Obviously, you know when I started my Youtube journey. Obviously, in the back of your mind, you want to do well and you want to become the Youtubeor, You want to be famous, and like, do all

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

Think, but you never think like. you never really fully see it happening. So to have people come up to me and it's such a blessing that it's like about my grandmother, You know, I love. I love that. it's about that. I remember. I was at the gym. I was. I was exercising and I was leaving a machine. And this this guy comes up to me and he speaks to Copabanan. He goes. Are you still using this? And I was like, Like who

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

I've never heard spoken to Outside of people. Only people in my family speak of that I know of. Obviously, I'm not saying that there aren't others, but that's the only time I hear is with my family,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

so to be out by myself into randomly hear it. It's it hit a certain part of me that is difficult to explain and he's like, Are you done using this and I was like, And then I spoke to him was like, Yeah, I am done using this and he's like I watch your videos with your grandmother. I'm a

[supdaily]:

That's

[chris]:

huge

[supdaily]:

such a

[chris]:

and

[supdaily]:

smooth way of approaching, too.

[chris]:

right, It was very random and he's like I love your videos. where from the same place Me and your grandmother are from the same place. I also took care of my grandmother. I love what you're doing. and please please continue to make videos and I'll never forget that, because it's like you know, he's from the same place as my grandmother. They speak the same langue. We all speak the same language, And it's just you know, these videos have travelled so far and

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

it was I'll never forget that Interact And it was it was. It was really cool.

[supdaily]:

Something I have noticed about, especially if Filippino people, as they are so supportive

[chris]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

of other Filipino people.

[chris]:

It's crazy,

[supdaily]:

Is that just like? Is that something that's taught or is there just a pride about it? Like

[chris]:

Got to be a pride about it because like you know, even if they're half filippino, like I remember, I forgot the coach, the head coach of the Miami. He. I don't think he's the head coach anymore, but he was half

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

Filipino. Every time my parents saw him on T. V, they would remind me like Hey, he's half Filippino and I'd be like

[supdaily]:

So you just straight up support him? That's it.

[chris]:

you just tried to support in Cord, Filipino, half Filippino Philophilipino, Like, whatever, If there's any sort of connection there, you know. they're going to connect the dots, so it's really cool to

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

see. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

I love it. I think it's beautiful. Was like it's fun to watch.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

I noticed that I started noticing it with many pack, and

[chris]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

like how rabid those like Filipino supporters were, And it

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

was like and I just noticed that it translated across the board with just supporting your own people, which

[chris]:

Yeah, it's cool

[supdaily]:

I love.

[chris]:

to see.

[supdaily]:

I wish that I had that, but you know

[chris]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

I'm a white dude. We don't really have. you know. we have many other things.

[chris]:

Right.

[supdaily]:

I have a couple questions from my patron Supporters. If you're down to answer

[chris]:

Of

[supdaily]:

a

[chris]:

course.

[supdaily]:

copra question.

[chris]:

yeah, let's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

do

[supdaily]:

if

[chris]:

it

[supdaily]:

any of you ever want to ask questions to people I have on Patroon dot com, Sun filtered friends, I pay for everything myself, so that's the way for you to support and also ask questions Nica says. Were you always this close with her, your grandma, and did or did this deep in your relationship with her being a Carter car giver,

[chris]:

Honestly real quick on the care. give her care taker. I don't know what the difference is. either.

[supdaily]:

Kay, you said, taker and giver, I'm just trying to follow the lead.

[chris]:

listen, I know, for the longest I said caretaker, And then when people started saying care, give her. I was like. Is that more appropriate to say?

[supdaily]:

People be talking though that's just how people are. So

[chris]:

So? Yes, I have always been close with my grandmother, but in the last few years this is the closest I've ever been to her. Um, you know, I love my grandmother and I always used to check up on her when she lived at a Rent house. I would check up on her a couple of times a week just to make sure she's okay, but when she moved in with us, she moved in with us when she was still able to walk and do things herself. But yeah, I just, I've always been close with my grandmother and this is. in this last couple o years I've been a lot closer, so it's been nice.

[supdaily]:

Hm. M.

[chris]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

Some of these questions we already covered. Umonica

[chris]:

Yah,

[supdaily]:

also asks how aware is she

[chris]:

yah.

[supdaily]:

that she's towards the end of life And does she say anything about it?

[chris]:

Yeah, it's sometimes it's really hard to hear her say that she always says that the Lord is going to come take me soon, so thank

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

you so much for being here And she says that she always remind, like she always. I don't know if she's talking to herself or or it's more for me, but she says that the people that help her are tired in that she's going to leave soon, so thank you so much for everything. Like those are. That's kind of like the thing that she always likes to say, so I think she is understanding. She is under the impression that she is going to go soon. So yeah, it's it's hard for me to hear, but I think like what the story that you shared. I think she's just making peace with. You Know that it's it's coming.

[supdaily]:

M. yeah, yeah, my, and they, both my grandmas had like different approaches to that. Um, and it feels morbid

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

when they start talking about it, but it's really not.

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

It's just like you don't want to accept it. Have you had to go through a process of acceptance on your end where you're like making more peace within yourself.

[chris]:

Yeah, I have. it's. It's a lot of you know. it's it's a lot of self reflection. and you know, through meditation that's what has changed my life like I've been. You know, I've

[supdaily]:

M.

[chris]:

been meditating. I guess meditating since since I was young, cause I was in Karadi and

[supdaily]:

Wait. Why quote meditation?

[chris]:

Um, because it was never so, When I, when I was introduced to meditation at like four or five, we used to do it for karat Like at the end of class everybody would sit down Your eyes and meditate, but it wouldn't be. I would never like, be present and be doing things that you do during meditation, which is like body like. There's obviously many different kinds of meditation, but like body scanning and like being present and following your breath, and I did that for like twelve years, but I never knew why or what the benefit of it was. I was just kind of doing it because that's what everyone was doing in Crati. And then recently

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

I had started doing guided meditation, and through that that's helped me come to terms With the cycle of life and that you know people are born and then people go. So Yeah, that's helped me a lot and with coming to peace with that

[supdaily]:

Yeah, the I was. I'm not very like when it came to meditation. I was like. What does that way? Just sit

[chris]:

right,

[supdaily]:

and we don't like talk for a little bit. And and so like, I wanted a more practical idea of what meditation was and I read a

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

book called Ten percent Happier

[chris]:

M,

[supdaily]:

And it's a guy who was a war correspondent and was used to being in like, really like intense situations And he's just like I'm fine. I'm finding he wasn't fine and he had a really realistic idea of like what meditation was. Um,

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

So anyone who's like struggling to grasp what meditation is? That's a great book, Head space, head of really good guided meditation. That's what taught me about when you said Body scan was like, Oh, I remember that from

[chris]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

head space, and now I'm to the point where where

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

I, where I do guide to meditations for other people, Because it's just I don't know. it's so

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

peaceful. You have to do that for yourself or you will. You will lose it.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

You will

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

lose your mind.

[chris]:

but people who it's either you're on team meditation or not, Because like the people that are not, they're like. What is that even like? Yeah, What are you going to sit and like not talk and breathe like I do that already. What do you mean?

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I breathe all the time. I was like, not like this. not

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like this.

[chris]:

it's a little

[supdaily]:

It's

[chris]:

different.

[supdaily]:

because of what I do for a living and I talk about tough subjects for a lot of people, and I have opinions on the internet. I get attacked all the time constantly. It's

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

just like part of the game. Um, I actually visualize when I am doing meditation that I'm in a dim like a force field

[chris]:

M.

[supdaily]:

and things are bouncing off, but they can't get to me for these ten minutes,

[chris]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

and that reset sets me Because I'm sensitive. I feel like you are too.

[chris]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

so like.

[chris]:

I'm the most

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[chris]:

sensitive life.

[supdaily]:

especially as a man being sensitive like you're outside of the norm in many ways, or at least the way that you choose to express it. So like having that time to like.

[chris]:

It's nice,

[supdaily]:

It's so nice.

[chris]:

so nice.

[supdaily]:

So okay. If somebody is interested inspired by you to become a caretaker for a loved one in their family, What are some of the things that you Suggest they do look out for Expect? Anticipate?

[chris]:

Um, I guess obviously every situation is different, so it's really difficult to give blanket advice. but I think the best thing you can do is. I think it's a theme of this episode. It's just uh, finding peace in what is you know? Because what you're doing it's incredible to begin with, and it's going to be difficult. I think any any sort of care giving in any capacity is difficult. It's physically. It's physically and mentally training. so I think coming to terms with the fact that it is going to be difficult and there are days that you are going to be tested, I think knowing and understanding that, and knowing that you're not alone, Um,

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[chris]:

it helps a lot. There are also many many great resources online. there's many many communities online. there's many Facebook groups online with care givers, I feel like my comment section has been a great place for care givers to come and find each other and share experin, It says, and find other people that are going through similar things, because outside of care giving, it's difficult to really relate to other people you know. because there's you know. Obviously health care workers see a lot of things and you can relate to them. But care giving is especially for a family member. It's it can feel really isolating, so

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[chris]:

just knowing and understanding that it is going to be difficult and to try your best to cherish these moments with the person that you're care giving for, even if it's not with a loved one, Just knowing that you get to spend time with this purse, And towards the later years of their life, it's a. It's a beautiful thing, and you know I think you should cherish that so

[supdaily]:

That level of trust is like something that has to feel so good.

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

You know you know, regardless

[chris]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

of their knowledge of what's happening, like they know

[chris]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

that you're someone who's trusted and loving and cares about them, And

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

that's a wonderful thing.

[chris]:

it's It's a. Yeah. It's a privilege for sure, and it's a. I hold that near and dear to my heart that my grandmother has full trust in me, and knowing that I can you know, lead the way until until the end.

[supdaily]:

So if people are inspired by you and want to reach out, where's the best place for them to do that?

[chris]:

Um, I guess Instagram, Instagram, or email? You know I've been. It's funny that I say email, because like usually ill, just tell younger people Instagram, because that's where everybody.

[supdaily]:

I'm not a younger person and I still say Instagram.

[chris]:

Yeah, but it's funny because I get so many messages from grandma's and grandpa's through

[supdaily]:

That's so

[chris]:

email,

[supdaily]:

cute.

[chris]:

so it's so cute. So email. It's a great way to get in touch with me. Also

[supdaily]:

All right. Well,

[chris]:

you.

[supdaily]:

thank you for being on Man, I'm looking forward to because I recently discovered you. So I did a lot of research today and I'm really looking forward to seeing what it is that you continue to do. you

[chris]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

know. So thank you for giving me time, because I know that you have a limited amount.

[chris]:

Thank you, man, I appreciate this. S. this is fun to do. I appreciate.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, okay.