Unfiltered Friends

What is end of life like? w/ HospiceNurseJulie

• Chris Thompson • Episode 22

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[supdaily]:

Okay, so I think we're good

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Great,

[supdaily]:

On no end good. Wait, So did you say you were doing the? Um? You had another interview before this or is it after

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

It's before and after

[supdaily]:

What?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I have a heart out at eleven. If that's okay, I don't know how long you want to talk to me

[supdaily]:

Okay? Well, we better get going then. Okay. these conversations tend to get involved, so

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Right now. I can't hear you.

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

No, no, I can. Okay.

[supdaily]:

okay.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

just getting. Yeah.

[supdaily]:

Okay, we're gonna all right so we have

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

we

[supdaily]:

limited

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

got this

[supdaily]:

limited time. We're figuring it out. Okay, Hello, unfiltered friends, So today's episode is going to be really interesting. I will admit, while I was researching at Um, there's a lot of really uncomfortable things, beautiful things, but also uncomfortable things, especially if you're not exposed to it when it comes to end of life. So today we have on Julie, who is a hospital nurse and teaches a lot of people about what her job entails what end of life is like In answers, a lot of vary Tough questions. So hello Julie, thank you for being

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Hello.

[supdaily]:

on. Um, You were suggested by one of my viewers and then I started looking into it and I saw that you had dem me like a year prior. I apologize for not checking my dam, because this would have been an interesting conversation. For sure.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

No problem. I'm glad I'm here. timing is always right.

[supdaily]:

Yes, what is a hospital nurse?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Well, First off, we are actual nurses. people are always like. Can I be a hospital nurse and not be a nurse? Like or how did you become one? I'm like you got to go to nursing school.

[supdaily]:

Okay?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

become a nurse.

[supdaily]:

You need qualifications.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

So it's just well, I mean, I guess a hospital nurse as a nurse that works in end of life care.

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah, I mean, I could go on and on, but I'd be kind of boring. but that's he. That's

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

the general

[supdaily]:

give us.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

statement

[supdaily]:

give

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

of

[supdaily]:

us

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it.

[supdaily]:

more detail. What does that? What? What exactly does that mean? Like how?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Well,

[supdaily]:

okay?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

you have to go into what hospices? So what hospices is a government funded program where people go If they have a diagnosis of less than six months to live. they choose to not do treatment, or they've done treatment. And and it's not working in their end of life, which is a whole nother thing I can go into. I think I hate describing hospice. Is that because then people think it's about death, and really to me it's about life. but Go ahead

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

we're

[supdaily]:

I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

gonna

[supdaily]:

had.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

say

[supdaily]:

I mean, I didn't really have much experience with understanding what it was until my grandma was in the hospital and she had. She had a double neumonia, and she was on a buy Pat mask and she had complications from c, P. D, and she couldn't swallow and she couldn't talk, And I noticed that having family around really like, bolstered or spirits, like she wasn't supposed to make it through Week end and then family was around, and all of a sudden like the mass came off, and like you really saw her like, come to life. And so I decided once my family left that because I had the flexibility to stay, I stayed. I stayed in a little tiny home near the hospital because I didn't raly have a whole lot of money, but I spent the last two weeks with her and what I noticed is just like every time she would get over one thing, something else would have popped up, and then by the end of it it was kind of like What would have got her was the she couldn't really move, so she was getting bed sores and the surgery. She wouldn't ha been able to survive it. Um, and what was? I'll just, I'll just tell you this story. So she was on a feeding tube, but her advance directive said, No permanent solution for not being able to consume because she couldn't swallow. She couldn't take in food, and I walked into her room and she's not there And I'm

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

like. where is she And so they're like. Well, she's on a different floor. Now she had taken the tube out and refused to let the doctors put it back in, and so essentially she went to the floor because that was going to be it for her, and when I walked into the room I've never seen. I didn't see her smile that much. ever. It was like she had almost like made peace with what was going to happen and she was happy with that and then And I kind of so, I have a tattoo right here on my chest that says Listen, And it's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

in that moment I was like. Do you want to know what the greatest lesson you ever taught me was? and she nodded, I was like you taught me that when people want advice, Really, they're just looking for someone to listen, and within five minutes she smiled and within five minutes she left.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh my God,

[supdaily]:

It was like you know it was. I don't know. Do you see experiences like that quite often where you see them make peace. they say their good byes and then it's They released their own energy.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, I mean, I feel like. So this is the thing people think being a hospital nurse are going to hospital, or you know that death basically end of life. Is this really depressing sad awful thing that is not my experience, my experience, not every experience. someone smiles and then dies, But but majority of the time the people I am meeting they have come. they are so relieved to finally not have to be in hospitals, not To do this, not have to do that, and to have answers from people like me or any kind of hospital worker who knows a lot about death and dying, who knows a lot about what they can expect, and who isn't afraid to talk about it and isn't afraid

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

to say, death,

[supdaily]:

hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

to say, dying to say, Are you? You know what questions do you have? Um, almost every single time I meet someone because I do a lot of admission work, Meaning I'm the first nurse they see when they Going to be admitted on to hospice. The biggest thing I see is relief is relief

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and relief that their home, relief that they're with family relief that they have someone who's willing to talk to them about what to expect when they're dying and how we can help them, and someone who's not afraid to like, speak the truth about what's actually happening, And so it's like to me it feels. I mean your experience. Of course, there's like grief Volved there right, but it's almost magical. It's like you said this to her. She smiles and then and then she let's go. It's like damn

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

like it's to me. That's yes, of course, I mean, and I'm removed from the grief right as the hospital nurse. But so all I see is the love

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and the connection and the support.

[supdaily]:

it was worse watching her suffer than

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

losing her

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I always

[supdaily]:

I just,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

say, Go ahead. sorry.

[supdaily]:

I just

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I always

[supdaily]:

could

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

say

[supdaily]:

not.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah, death is not the worst thing. That's what.

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think. Death is not the worst thing. Suffering is far worse.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, she was really struggling at the end. I'm curious why you chose this path. It's not easy. It has to be tough. So what drew you to this particular field?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Well, I was an ice ou nurse for many years, so I cous. Probably maybe where your grandma was before this. I don't know. So the you know, I c. you nurses and doctors are like trying to keep people alive. I did that. for most of my care, I've been a nurse for fifteen years, and most

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

of my careers in the I c U. and being in the I c U. made me really passionate about learning how to talk about that and dying, Because we do it so we don't do it in in the hospitals. We don't do a very good job at talking about that or explaining it or helping People and patients and their families understand what's actually happening for no one's It's no one's fault. It's just like something we're not even thinking about,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

But because of that I started really getting interested in learning how to talk about death and dying to families and patients and then really getting interested in hospital work, and so finally one day I just took the plunge and did it here. I am.

[supdaily]:

And you talked. You talked really openly about your sobriety. and it seemed like

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

it was connected to almost when you first started doing hospital work. Is that correct?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah, when I first started doing hospital work is when I I did get sober. I got sober. Then I wouldn't say. that's why I got sober, but

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I mean there was. it did happen when I started hospital nurse.

[supdaily]:

Do you feel like because my sister is also a nurse and some of the stories she tells me are pretty intense. Do you feel like maybe the alcohol was an aspect of you trying to cope with what you saw on the daily basis?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Um, yes and no, So in the ice as an I stunurse. I was very unhappy and did not like my job. I'm not a person who likes to hurry. I'm not a very good

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

rusher around her and like

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

hurrying, and like time makes me incredibly anxious. And I see you, nursing is like all that I see. Nursing is like hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up and care. Hurry and I couldn't do it. So the anxiety of that uh, definitely made me drink more, But I mean I drank because I'm an alcoholic that, which is a whole, nother podcastwei'm.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

happy to talk about it. I have

[supdaily]:

we'll

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

no

[supdaily]:

get

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

problem

[supdaily]:

into that

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

talking

[supdaily]:

another

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

about it, but

[supdaily]:

time. Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yeah, it's nothing to do with my nursing. I mean, I'm an alcoholic through and through, Whether I'm a hospital nurse, a kind of nurse. I mean, I just like to. It's a whole another. I'm happy to talk about it too, but that's

[supdaily]:

You're so

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

nothing

[supdaily]:

matter

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

to do with

[supdaily]:

of.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

nursing.

[supdaily]:

you're so matter of fact about things. Is that just like an aspect of who you are?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think so. yeah,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, Yeah, the rushing around thing was actually experience I had when my grandma passed two. Is she had a d n r, So do not recescitate for those who don't know. And you know I had. I had. never. I'd never watched you know. loved one passed away. And it was you have this idea of people rushing around and trying to make her okay And everyone moved so slowly and it

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

was So ere that end of life situation was just like. Well, this was her wish and it was just so I gave her a kiss and

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Ah,

[supdaily]:

then cried a lotyou.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yea,

[supdaily]:

know

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I love your grandma. I love the reason. why I, um, love. that is because she didn't make you make that choice

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

like you know, like she made the choice. She hadn't written everywhere. You didn't have to do anything for it or decide for her, or you know, make those really really really hard decisions. That's why I'm constantly preaching about people having End of life directive, So It can just be. It can just be like Debth is not an emergency. you know,

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

we, we don't have to rush. And if we're and if if we can live in the uncomfortability of it, because it can be uncomfortable, we can experience something, and uh, and just not feel the panic around what people think they should be doing. You know at the

[supdaily]:

It's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

end of life,

[supdaily]:

hard to make those decisions when everyone, because not everyone's on the same page and

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I know

[supdaily]:

it all comes from love, but it doesn't manifest that way in the moment sometimes because people are are struggling with it. I think a lot of people talk about. I'm assuming you don't fear death at all from experiencing what you do. correct.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Correct, and let me say this real quick, just so you know. I don't fear it, but I'm also human and so as everybody else all of us are, I think we're all human

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and

[supdaily]:

hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

so like if I got diagnose with a terminal illness tomorrow, I will still have all of the human experience anger, sadness,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Fear, you know, because it's still unknown, so in general now I don't fear death, but I would still have. I would still experience the human experience of like feeling afraid of the unknown and not wanting

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

to die and all the things.

[supdaily]:

So what about people who? who you have so much more experience than most people do when it comes to end of life. If someone's really struggling with the idea of death, or it causes fear in them, what kind of guidance would you give this person for them to understand or maybe put their fears at rest a little bit.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

So the first thing I do because this is really normal. Just so anyone listening? you know, I always say it's not nothing to fear like I'm I'm side. Now. this is really. I'm not trying to plug my book, but I am writing a book and my publishers want me to make it nothing to fear as the title and I'm like

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it cannot be nothing to fear. It's normal to fear because

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it's not like. So that's what I tell. That's what I tell people on a daily basis, Because people do say they're afraid or now that they know they have an open communication with someone who's willing to talk about it. though, Like I don't want to, I'm afraid and I always tell them That's so normal like I feel like the fear increases because we don't want to fear it. Like whatever

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

you know, what we resist persists like so ththi'slike pushing away of like the fear like, Don't fear it. Don't talk about it, don't don't. It makes it worse, so I always say it's so normal like you're so normal to be afraid. And the whole point of being on hospital is that we can be here when you need To move you through this process. And if you're even willing to say to me, I'm afraid you're above most. You're already ahead of the majority of people. The fact that you can even name it and even say it

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

out loud and share that with another person. That's what it's all about. It decreases it right there, and and then a lot of times too. They just don't understand to know things, so they'll and I tell them to ask me anything, and a lot of times we do have a lot of answer For people. You know, we don't know exactly how everyone's going to die. Obviously, but we do see it enough that I can. really, not. not I, anyone, any hospital nurse can really explain what to expect. what to what to? There's a whole. There's a book called What to expect when expecting, and I think there should be a book called What to expect When inspiring Expiring, because

[supdaily]:

Maybe that's the name of the book

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

maybe that's Believe me, I'm pushing for it.

[supdaily]:

I love that.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

We'll see. Well, Yeah, so because because there are everyone, as goes. Oh, well, you never know. I get it. We don't really know. but we can. We can kind of tell you, step by step would likely to happen, especially with specific diseases. anyway. I'm

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

going off on a tangent now, But so

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it's normal. It's normal if you fear it, and the fact that you can even say it out loud. you're you're a step ahead. It's

[supdaily]:

So

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

amazing.

[supdaily]:

what are? what are the most? I mean you, you make videos about a very sensitive subject matter on Tik Tok, which tends to be not the most nuance app. At least in my experience, what are some of the most common, either push backs or misconceptions that you get from people when they, when you make a video about a certain subject matter pertaining to

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Okay,

[supdaily]:

the

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

end of life?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

so a lot of videos a lot. I don't always get a lot of hate right, but there are certain videos. I do so when I say being dehydrated at the end of life, you die. Better people don't like that and

[supdaily]:

Wait?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'll talk about it in a second.

[supdaily]:

Okay.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and when I talk about morphine, people get really mad about that too, because people think we're killing people with morphine. Um, and unfortunately, you know, there's also a lot of grief and stuff along with death, so people are angry. you know, so Um, being dehydrated at the end of life does help you die better. I mean, it's like clinically proving. it's a fact. I can go on and on and on about it, like our bodies are built to die, which is miraculous in itself, and that that our bodies have built in mechanisms to help us die biologically. and

[supdaily]:

Why does the hydration

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

the dryer

[supdaily]:

help?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

you are at the end of life, the better you feel, and the more peaceful you die,

[supdaily]:

Why?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

because the body can't handle fluid. so even if we were to put, even as someone said, Which this happens all the time, I don't believe you. You're lying. You're trying to kill my love. One put in an ivy and give them fluid. They quickly see that it doesn't work like that because the body is no longer hand doing with the fluid what it should be doing, which is staying into vascular.

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

It's seeping

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

out and it just causes more pain and suffering and causes you to go on respiratory distress and have a bunch of issues, So that's one of the videos People really don't like to hear that, Because most people don't know that, Including other health Workers when I was nice to owners, I didn't know that I didn't know that you should be dry when you die.

[supdaily]:

Why

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

No

[supdaily]:

would?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

idea.

[supdaily]:

Why would? Why would you know that you know it's thin,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

not

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

normal information

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

right,

[supdaily]:

to have

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

so yeah, so people hate me on that one and I'll get a lot of push back and

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

morphine, too, because morphine gets a really bad rap and people always think that you take a little bit of morphine and you're going to die, or you give a little extra morphine, and you killed someone, And it's just not the case And it's just because you know there's a whole opioid Epidemic in the

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

country And so people think it's really easy to overdose, and it's actually pretty difficult to overdose. I talk about this all the time. Um, if you're using it correctly, I mean it's but there are been plenty of people who think they're going like I've had Hostis patients myself. Um drink morphine, thinking they're going to end their life and they don't like it's. you have to have enough in your system to to stop your breathing. Have a respiratory arrest. It's called and

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it's actually really difficult to do, especially if you're not using anything Ivy, Intrevenus. So people think all the time Morphine s killing my love. One. It's actually one. It's clinically proven. It's not, but also its. We're not giving enough to do that.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean your professional S like my understanding, and do know I only have my other grandma Wasn't Wasn't there when she passed, But the first one. I was. Um, they were talking about hospice and they were talking about bringing in someone like you and I thought that was wonderful, but she was also staying in a in a assisted living place, which kind of takes care of a lot of those

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

things for her, so I decided I was going to stick around to be That advocate for her because what I noticed was not, No one cares about that person the way that I care about that person.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and sometimes um, information wouldn't get past properly or stuff would happen because they're not focused just on my my grandma. How important is it for people to be involved with the process if they have the capacity to advocate for their loved one to make sure

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

that everything goes right,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think very important, nintresals and hospitals and all of health care.

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think in general, I don't think anyone in health care, and maybe I'm being naive, but I don't think anyone in health care is truly being malicious and trying to

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

hurt anyone. I just think there's so overworked. There's so many things going on that it's just um, you don't know what you don't know, And that's how. that's how it is with patients and families, and that's like you. Just If you're not in the health care system in that world all the time, you just don't know so many things. and the people who are giving the health are giving, giving the care are in their little health care bubble, and it's like for some reason doesn't always compute like to each other, to the patient versus the health care worker and to the other health care workers. we're not all like perfect, right and there's human

[supdaily]:

Right,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

mistake. And so I think, having just always advocate for yourself, always ask questions. Always make sure if you have questions to ask. I know your dams are crazy to my. D. Ms are crazy with people asking me questions that I'm like. Well, First off, I can't give medical advice, but second

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

off, ask your health care provider.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

ask your health care provider. You don't ask a nurse on the Internet. I don't know.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

You know. I don't like. it's so. um, yes, please advocate and ask. I don't think you necessarily have to. Sometimes families can almost get in the way if they're too. If they're too intrusive, they almost can get in the way of good care. But but ask questions, And and don't be afraid to speak up if you need to or stop someone and saying. what are you doing? You know, please.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yes, yes, um, when when researching this, you have a lot of videos that you share of the end of someone's life with permission from the people who, who, just just so everyone knows she has permission

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

to share these.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I have permission.

[supdaily]:

Um, can you can? you ll go through some of those things that you see. So the one that rattled me was the rattle that that

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

I had to like, Take a break after that because there's I don't know what it was. It Just like it just hit. What are the things like that that you see typically or not typically, but at the end of life. in your experience,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, So number one, I wanted to talk about that series so that series of people allowing me to show their love one's videos is like so profound to me because I think I get d m. after dem after d of people being like explaining their love ones and of life story, and then saying how torturous it was and how they were. You know it was terrific and all these things right, And what they explained was like the normal death and dying process And you

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

just don't know. And then if no one's educating you about how it's supposed to look or sound, it's going to seem dramatizing

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

right because you don't understand it.

[supdaily]:

no,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

And and this is your love one who you love and they look different. They sound different and no one is doing anything, And you know, so I'm so happy that people were willing to have me show those videos and I do get heat for those two. That's a good one. I get heat for showing those two because people are just not ready, but I just got to do what I got to do. But Yeah, so at the end of life we call it the actively dying face. It's actually a phase of debt that almost almost anyone on hospice. anyone will go through. Um, and hospice is what I would say, dying a natural death. Even though you're dying from something, you're not doing any interventions to stop it. So you're dying this natural death. So your body is going to go through the natural death and dying process that everybody is built to do. So the actively dying face looks almost identical to everybody, no matter what you're dying from, And the things that you'll see are someone being unconscious, so not waking up even with like shaking their unconscious. Um, no food and water because they can't swallow, Um,

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

They, The big things that are scary to people are the changes in breathing which I'll get to in a second. so changes and breathing terminal secretions, which is the death rattle, and then changes in skin color. Oh, and eyes and mouth being open. That can be disturbing for Pope, Two people, most people will have their eyes and mouth either open, are partially open, but not making eye contact. So it scares people because their level one looks a little funny. Um, the changes in breathing looks different and looks scary because we're not used to seeing it and it can look like they're actually puffing and puffing or waiting way too long to breathe or breathing too rapidly. Um, and really, that is a true biological metabolic and chemical Response to the body shutting down because we have a whole. I mean, I don't he bore everybody, but there's like a chemistry in our body that makes us breathe and work and do the thing t'esuposed to do, and it will slowly shut that down, so your body starts adapting to that and breathing differently. You know it's not bothering your love One because I have seen as a health care worker what it looks like when someone's being bothered by their breathing. They don't look like

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

dying people look, they look panicked. they're restless. they're clawing at things. you can tell they. They feel like they can't breathe. Dying people, for the most part during the actively dying face, don't look like that

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

when they have this changes and breathing. And that's because everyone goes through. It's actually like literally a natural part of death and dying. It just looks scary.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

The death rattle. People really hate that one. So it's not coming from people's lungs. No one's drowning on fluid. It is

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

your body you, you and me right now are making saliva in our mouth. Anyone listening? It's naturally making saliva in our mouth. We naturally swallow it all day long. Thank you body for doing that unconsciously.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, appreciate

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

that,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

right at the end of life. at the end of life, it's still creating moisture in your mouth, so you don't have this dry mouth, but your body is not swallowing it. so it can be a little tiny bit of saliva. But because your mouths open, because your body fully relaxes, so it takes so many muscles to keep your mouth shut. Keep your eyes closed. All of that stuff is rel Sing, So your mouth's open, And now you have this little bit of saliva in your mouth or a lot of it. It depends on the person, and every breath sounds really wet and people really

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

hate it because it sounds like a rattle. Um, and for the most part it's totally fine in the sense of like, it's not hurting the person. Nothing is happening. Nothing bad s going to happen. We don't want to suction it out, because the more you section it out, the more the body will produce it. so we

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

either just explain this to the family and let it be, Or we can turn the person and have a saliva come out. or there is medication we can use to like dry it up, but there's given take with that because then they have a dry mouth, which is also uncomfortable. So

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it just depends, but it sounds so much worse than it really is.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

the swallowing

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I know.

[supdaily]:

thing that that was what my grandma went through at the end Like that's what happened at the end. The respiratory nurse came in to try to see if she would swallow. Then we walked out into the hallway and then we walked back in and she was gone. I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

think she was just kind of like done trying, done trying. You know, she had

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

been in that assisted living place for like six years, which is a really long time. Apparently, so Um, she, she gave as much as she could and I was thankful to have those last moments with her. I got to learn that I sang Hulioglaciis to her. Thankfully, I speak Spanish. I learned that she loves professional wrestling and I promised her that we would put taco bell in her feeding tube if she got better, And she just kind of smiled and I learned so much

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Talk

[supdaily]:

about her.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

bell. Yeats

[supdaily]:

Grandma loved talk, but I had no idea

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Me too. that's so amazing.

[supdaily]:

She

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

was

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

glad

[supdaily]:

great.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

you have

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

that special time with her people. Yeah, no one will ever regret taking the time to do that. People ask me all the time when I see when I'm admitting their level on to hospital. they'll be like. So when should we have friends and family come in? I'm like now like you know, like, don't

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

wait. There's never a like. Come just In

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and see everybody. like, Don't wait. There's no waiting. Just come and visit. if you can. I don't know. it's not

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

possible for everybody.

[supdaily]:

How often do you see the same experience that I had when when family came around, it almost seemed like they got. They were starting to get better Like they told me she wasn't going to take the by Pat mask off. They told me like she had a couple of days and then she almost like the family healed her in some way, or it seemed like. How often do you see that?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I see all different types of things, so I've see people. People can really perk up Well, even even if a nurse comes around like I'll see like I'll go in to see the person and the. And because I'm there, they're kind of like putting on a like. putting on a like, so they can kind of pork up, but family can do numbers for family can really help patients. Just feel more alive, you know, and I've just seen it all. I've seen them Seen them perk up and look like they're doing well, but also make them really tired because they're interacting right. So then after a few hours they have to like. They get a really good sleep because they have just been actually interacting with people, which it's always really nice. Um,

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I mean, connection in general is what life's all about. So it's like that for life. it's like that in death. it's connection is what I think everyone needs. It's a whole.

[supdaily]:

So

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Another podcast too. I don't know.

[supdaily]:

look, we could,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Or maybe

[supdaily]:

we could

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

this

[supdaily]:

do.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

is the

[supdaily]:

We could do around, too. I'm always fascinated with this stuff because I like to talk about things that a lot of people are afraid to touch on. So that's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah.

[supdaily]:

I was really happy that you agreed to do this what I want to know about. like you've seen so many people pass. Have any of them stuck with you as one that like really touched you in a particular way that you could share.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Hell, yeah. I mean so many. so faking many and all of it. So I do have one Okay, so I have one like wild experience where I had

[supdaily]:

Okay,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

shared death experience with someone which I didn't know it was called at until someone told me that's what I experienced. But and then I'll get to other ones to, because they don't have to be this profound for me to remember someone.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

But it was one of my favorite patients and died many years ago, But we all got really close to him. He was younger or he didn't have any family. He didn't have much pamily, so we were like he was really Existential, So he loved talking about life and death, and all these things prior to him actually dying, and the day he died, I was his nurse and I went to go. We had a continuous care nurse in the home with him and I, as the case manager, just went in to check on everything and I could tell he was going to die that day, just by how he looked was fully

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

unconscious. I just tell he was going to die for sure that day, so I told the nurse like, Make sure you text me when he dies and I said my good byes like in my head to him, And then I went to Car, and I wasn't sad because him and I had been one again. I don't think that's the worst thing into. I was just more thinking of him in my car Like God. I hope you have like a great journey. Like whatever that journey is like, I just am so grateful I got to meet you at Ata. and then suddenly in my head, Um, I heard his voice and I could feel um. like. I just suddenly felt like a burst of like. Uh, Well, anyway, I heard this First. I heard his voice and he was going, Oh my gosh, Julie, and saying my name, which was fucking weird. Oh my

[supdaily]:

My

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

gosh Julie.

[supdaily]:

bet.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh my gosh. Julie, Um, and like, the feeling he was giving me was like exuberance, and like joy and peace and freedom and like soaring, kind of like flying, Um,

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

like, and he was not saying much except for Oh my gosh Julie. oh my gosh, Julie, but in like a good excited way, like basically being like, I can't believe this. he wasn't saying Ull sentences, but he was making me feel like I can't believe this. If I would have known if I only would have known he was saying that, if I only would have known which I think he meant. If I only would have known how good this is. I wouldn't have worried about it so much. I can't believe this. I can't believe this and it was giving me. I was weeping like a instant instant weeping. I don't know if you've ever had. I'm sure, I'm sure you have, just from listening to your videos. But like

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

we're

[supdaily]:

uh,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

like, It was like so overwhelming of like peace and joy and love, and to me it feels like what God would feel like. Like it felt like that just like this, and I was like weeping in my car and having this transcendent experience where I was like, gone somewhere else for like thirty seconds, And I can only explain this to you now because it's over with. at the time, I didn't

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

know what the hell is happening to me and then and he just kept saying, Oh, my gosh, Julie, if I only would hav known, if I only would have known if I only would have known. And and then it was Done and I was in my car, crying in a good way, like Holy Ship with the Ell, If that, and then my phone like moments later on A Truly, it was like Gone and then she text me some and so just died And I thought I know,

[supdaily]:

I know

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

because I think

[supdaily]:

I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

he

[supdaily]:

was

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

just showed

[supdaily]:

there.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

me what happened, which I did not

[supdaily]:

Wow.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

say to her or anybody. because I was like. What the hell is that? Um,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and I did call my best friend like an hour later, but like dude, I don't know what the hell

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

just went on, But like something did Haven't said it. I haven't really talked about it for like years and years and years, and I only decided to talk about on my social media, which I was afraid because I feel like I'm more science based on my my channel because people kept asking me why I wasn't afraid to die, And that

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

was like one of the huge reasons I feel like a patient really showed me what it was like it feels like, And there's many reasons why I'm not afraid, but that's one of once, one of the many reasons. so that's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

a very memorable. very. I'm patient and death. Obviously,

[supdaily]:

I mean you are, So you're a very logical person. Like how often do you have almost like para, normal type experiences with the end of life where you can't logic or science your way through it and you're just like Oh, this is just something I don't grasp Or this is something

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

outside of logic.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

It's funny because I feel like I feel like it's all the same. I always feel like that like I feel like I am like straight forward and logical and rational, and I think that includes spirituality and not knowing things

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

so like always like to me like death and birth are like magical things that. Oh gosh, how can I even say it's like the connection I feel With people are even by watching someone die and seeing the love makes me know that there's more than this life like for sure, and not for sure. Like I have to prove it to you for sure, because I don't know, but like I know, there is something else that we don't see that I feel all the time when I'm around dying people and seeing the connection with their love ones and seeing the love and I'm like, Oh, this is it. This is what life's all about About love and connection, And I believe even when I see people being born to, I feel that I feel the same way. It's like this feeling of like to me, which now I'm getting on a different tangent. but people who are dying in, people who are being born to me are going to a place and have come from a place that I once knew and

[supdaily]:

Wow,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'll know again and

[supdaily]:

who?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'll know again. I know it makes me want to cry now, because I know that I feel homesick for a place I once knew and

[supdaily]:

Wow,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

people who are dying are going there, and people who are born living there and I don't know why I know that, but that's what I feel like. I know.

[supdaily]:

Well, you're exposed to it. A lot of people want to avoid on a

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

daily basis. So like your perspective is much more educated, essentially like you're there for that moment. How do you like? Obviously you, you know, you say you know I went to the car. I cried like you have emotional connection to these things. How how do you take care of yourself? How do you like? I'm assuming you take it home sometimes because you're not a robot. So what do

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you do for yourself so that you are okay And then you can kind of reset before you do it again.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah, so I will say in general hospice, because I was in the ice. That really made me feel like dramatized. and I just so fully believe in hospice

[supdaily]:

M.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and I so

[supdaily]:

hm.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

fully believe that death is not the worst thing. Like that. Death doesn't necessary. So like my job doesn't feel that hard. Honestly emotionally because I just don't feel like it's the worst thing, and I feel like I'm honored to be able to help someone manage their symptoms until they die, and I feel like it's sacred to wat At a death, so it doesn't feel super hard for me. So that's one two. I have really great boundaries, not not in every aspect of my life, but but in work I have really really great work life boundaries. I say no all the time. All the time I live in California, we have great. I'm unionized. Some union or so like that helps to you can say no, you can not do things you don't want to do. You don't have to work over time. things like that and then three. I'm sober like you like you know, and and I'm pretty open that I'm really active in a twelve step program and that twelve step program really feels me and feeds me and helps me with my well being, And I have a connection with a higher power that's not religious but spiritual. That also re feels that. So there's a bunch of things I do, but in general my work doesn't join me. Other things do. every once in a while, there's a hard case where I feel like we can't get symptoms under control. or it's just a little more The normal, and those days are just those days. and usually when I come home on those days I go right to my room. I watch the office. I eat a

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

jersey. Mike. Ub. I know I eat a jersey.

[supdaily]:

okay.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Mike. Sub, Oh my god, jersey. Mike,

[supdaily]:

I tried it once. I did not get into it. Can you give me a suggestion or something

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

for an order? What sandwich do you get?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

did you? Did you do? do like the typical original one like the original

[supdaily]:

I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Italian

[supdaily]:

did it.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

or whatever

[supdaily]:

I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it

[supdaily]:

did

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

is?

[supdaily]:

it one time years ago. I don't remember.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Okay, Well, I think I don't know the name of it, but I think it's like the original or like the base, like the classic one. Right and then just do it Jersey, Mike Way, and it's

[supdaily]:

Okay,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

sucking good. Okay, wait,

[supdaily]:

Okay

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

can we swear I keep dropping the bomb?

[supdaily]:

you, you have several times. It's fine like

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Okay.

[supdaily]:

you're like. Hey, I've said funk like eight times. Can I can? I say it is like. Well you did. So we're ere already beyond that part.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh my god, sorry, everyone nurses

[supdaily]:

I didn't

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

have

[supdaily]:

realize

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

poddy mouse.

[supdaily]:

I know I know well you. Some of my closest friends are nurses and they deal with what they see with a lot of dark humor, which is why we all get

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

along. I don't know where I got it from, probably from doing tiktok right.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Like pro. Probably from all my trauma, I'm just just getting and I have no idea.

[supdaily]:

So how often do people talk about like regrets or things they wish they had done more of when they're in their final moments to you.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

So just to be totally transparent because I wish I had. like if I had a bunch of stories of people confessing All these things are talking to me. You know, in general that has okay, so in general it has happened. Um, in passing. Almost where people are. you know. I wish I didn't work so much. The classic things You think. I wish I didn't work so much. I wish

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I appreciated my health when I had it. Um, I wish I spent more time with family. Those are the big three things, But Ah, we are the by standards, right. I am there to help the family. It's not about me And and they're talking to their love ones and family right, It's not always even appropriate for me to be like. So you know, if someone wants to say it to me, I'm more than happy and I do listen, and some people do, but most of the time they are happy that I'm there to help them with their symptoms and talk about. Talk about what's going on, symptom, wise, and how we can help them along the way, and them to be with their family. So like it's not always happening. Those conversations aren't always happening and I don't always, and I allow that you know, because I want them to be with their family, but in general in general, so my whole point is it's not that people are not always having those conversations with me, but if they do every once in a while, the three things are, I wish I didn't work that much. I wish I appreciated my Health and I wish I spent more time with family.

[supdaily]:

Did that shift the way that maybe you, as it shifted the way that you viou the way that you live. So like, maybe you live live more fully, or in those directions that people express regrets around.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, I do attend up every night, Um, where I write down and I'm always grateful for health. I'm always grateful for being able to walk and eat. and Um, And so what hospice has really taught me is about like the love and connection that I see in life, like getting to connect on an emotional level. However, it happens with patients is like the most profound thing ever, and then to be able to kind of be the one standing back and watching the family do that as their love, one takes their last breath or something, is the most profound thing, and it's really aught me that life is all about connection and love, And I think I'm too simple to say. that's the only reason why we're here, But that's what it feels like in the moment. the only reason why we're here

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and it's so beautiful.

[supdaily]:

So one of the subject matters that's really sensitive to a lot of people and people are very divided on. It is the Death with dignity. Um idea. Can you explain what Death with dignity means

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, so death with dignity or made medical aid in dying is in the United States, which means you can take medication and end your own life if you meet criteria. So it's an eleven different states. Montana is the eleventh and you have to go through the court system and stuff in Montana, so it's a little more difficult. I can't actually read a lot of the other ten states. I can name some, but not all of California is one. I know

[supdaily]:

Co.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

that

[supdaily]:

Colorado? one?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Colorado. Yes, and I have many videos about it If you guys want to go check them out. But So I'm goin a state that provides it. So I'm all for it because I'm around death all the time. I feel like it should be a federally, a federal thing, where everyone. it should be available to everybody. But um, it's basically you have to meet criteria, which is less than six months to live from a terminal illness. Two different doctors and every states a little different, but these are the basic, Two different doctors at different times, signing off that Yes, you do have six months less to live. You are alert and oriented and can take the medication yourself and you have no severe Mental illness like getting in the way of this decision and they have to do it on different occasions. In some, some states are like in two weeks, somewhere like two months. so it just depends it can take a while to get this kind of signed off and then you get the medication, which is usually a powder. Um, and then once you get it, you can take it whenever, so you can take it right away. Some people never take it. Um, Basically you can take it whenever you want, And really, the health care system doesn't have to really be involved. So like A nurse doesn't have to be there. it can just be you and your family. I have witnessed it as a nurse because some families are like way, Feel a little weird about this. Can you be here and it's very peaceful? I mean, I don't know if you want me to describe what it's like. Is that something you're

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

interested? Okay? Okay,

[supdaily]:

yes, I do.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Okay, so First off, you, usually they usually take anti Naga medicine so they don't throw everything up because it kind of taste bad an hour beforehand and then Nd you mix up the medication Family does or they do. I try not to touch it. I don't want to be like involved physically in it. Just I don't know. I want them to just be able to do it. I think I could be. I think I could mix it up if I wanted or if I had to, And you just mix it up And it's like a. It's like a three m l M liquid, So it's not much, but it is bitter, so you drink it and within three to seven minutes you will become unconscious and not just a little bit like a lot of it Like I've seen people drink it, and like three to seven minutes later they're basically actively dying, so they're fully unconscious And then it usually takes about forty five minutes to an hour to die And it basically just from what I've witnessed, it kind of speeds up the process so like the person goes from like talking and saying good bye to love one's friends and family, And then they drink this drink and they go into the actively dying face within three or seven minutes, and then they actively die for about forty five to an hour, Depending some people Go quicker, so it will last longer. It just depends, but it's very peaceful, very very peaceful and they die.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean, And also because I was listening, either was on your channel or on the news where I was there was like a lady who who went into a hospital and shot her husband because

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh my

[supdaily]:

they

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

god,

[supdaily]:

had

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yes,

[supdaily]:

a packed. I'm curious. your thoughts on that situation?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh, that is wildly. I don't know. I mean, I feel for her that. Okay, I feel for her. I feel for her. I feel for her husband. but I think it's insane that someone could bring a gun like bring a gun shoot someone. You're dramatizing the person that's being shot. even if they say yes, I want to be. You're dramatize because you just shot your love one. and now everyone around you who witnessed all this is dramatized because they just you know. That's like horrific and scary and awful and super freaking sad. but I still have a heart For her. I definitely don't think she should be charged with murder, which I haven't really kept. I haven't really kept up with that. I don't know if she ever was charged with murder or what happened. But

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I don't

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

so

[supdaily]:

know

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I

[supdaily]:

either.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

feel for her and I just wish there was a better way like something called Death with dignity. That's available to Leven. Different states in America. Right if it was available in all the states, this wouldn't have. This wouldn't have happened. you know, so yeah, I have mixed feelings. I mean, I feel for her so I'm not like. How dared she at all, But also like man. That's dramatizing for so many

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

people.

[supdaily]:

it seems like it's like a situation that was. That was like a pact between those two, But then so many other people get to experience it without their

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

consent, and so like again, like I feel for her and I think it's honorable that she honored this pact, but it also hurt so many other people were dramatized other people in the process.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Exactly.

[supdaily]:

I also don't think I could do it so that that took

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I don't

[supdaily]:

a lot.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

think

[supdaily]:

of

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I could do it either. I don't think I could drink the death with datanymedicine like

[supdaily]:

No.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'm all for it, and I don't know if I could drink it.

[supdaily]:

Why?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I always think about like the wording if I want to use the word courage or what word I want to use, but when I witnessed people to do it, it's wild even as a hospital nurse to witness, and I'm all about this right and it was

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

still hard for me to not because I don't believe in it. I totally do, but like it was hard to see this guy who's not at end of like he's end of life, but he's not. you know. Still walking around. He's joking with his family a little bit, and to know, like dam, you're gonna drink this medicine and then you're gonna be dead and all your family knows you're dying And you know you're dying. I don't know if I could drink it. I don't know. maybe I could if it was. I think there's specific disease as I could, but in general I would, and I'm not even afraid of death. So what's that?

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it was. It was rough with my other grandma. She had dementia and she passed, so he was also

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

like she was gone way before she was actually gone,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

But she asked my mom to kill her so many times and it's like my mom can't do it. She can't. It's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

No,

[supdaily]:

also not legal to do.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

Um, but how often do you hear stuff like that quite often

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

where people like Just just kill me. What do you

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

So

[supdaily]:

say to that?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

here's here is something wild. So at our agency, I cannot say to them, we have the death with the dandy law where you can kill yourself. I cannot say that, but if someone said stuff like that to me, I can tell them that they can if they want to, Because so many people don't know it's even available, so I have had several patients that have said stuff like that to me, which is my opening window to say, to offer it. And they take it. There's been at least two or That I can think of right now That that which, which makes me feel like helpful, and like, Oh my God, I aided in their death. I don't know. It's a weird. Such a weird feeling that, because I'm so for it, but then it also feels a little strange to be the one that's like Here you go. You know. Um, so Yeah, people say that to me all the time. And because I'm in California and where I work, we offer that and some people take it and some people don't

[supdaily]:

Yeah, poor mom, She, she didn't even

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I

[supdaily]:

have

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

know.

[supdaily]:

power. she didn't have power of attorney, though, over life, Um, it was like it had to do with my mom, had to do with the estate. My aunt had to do with M. End of end of life, because my grandma knew that my mom wouldn't do it if she asked. So then she started ask. It was just like it was really like.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Convent is so hard.

[supdaily]:

It is so hard. It's like

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

So

[supdaily]:

she became

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

freaking

[supdaily]:

a.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

hard.

[supdaily]:

She became a different person and I was just like

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh yeah,

[supdaily]:

I still love you. You're still this vessel, but like and I could see her in moments trying to like, break through it And you just see her Just struggle with it. That was probably like one of the hardest parts about it. Um,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Sure so hard.

[supdaily]:

so

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and unfortunately, people with dementia don't qualify for death with death with in

[supdaily]:

Oh, they don't because they don't have. They're not cognizant

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

The capacity,

[supdaily]:

enough.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and by the time they have six months less to live right they do, at one time have the capacity to say I don't want to live like this, but by the time they have less than six months to live, they don't have the capacity to. They don't make criteria. Is that so awful

[supdaily]:

Yeah, that's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

because

[supdaily]:

something

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think

[supdaily]:

that we.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I think many people with the mention would end their own life. I think

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

if they, if they could before, right before it gets too bad.

[supdaily]:

As she started to diminish, we actually sat down with a lawyer, and like she wrote her advance direct out, which I think was really really helpful towards the end.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Not that you can give like legal advice, because I know that's not like your experts, but like what do you? What would you suggest that people look into before it gets to the point of hospice? To make that process go more smoothly.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh, my gosh, such a good question. So Google, like advance directives or five wishes, Five wishes is a little more like. In layman's terms. That's easier to, so it's easier to understand what they're asking, but have a clear knowledge of what you want your death to look like. Um, and five wishes is great because they will give you like real specific examples, like if I'm in a coma and likely to get better if I'm in a coma and likely not to get better If There's a bunch of different specific things where you can, really, And if you you know, it might change as you get older. Right and just know that it might change. But everyone should do it. me. you, all of us, everyone should have one in your family, Should know where that is and what the answers say, Everyone, because it's going to take a load off you and a load off your family. any kind of a state planning? so unfortunately, I know it's scary and hard and expensive to talk to lawyers, but you really should Talk to lawyers about Um, trust estate, planning anything financial, even if you don't think you have anything financial. Anything if you're like, I don't have enough money for that. Yes, you do. you should plan. who would get your house. Just have it all done so your family doesn't have to, and it can be really messy at the end. If you don't um, passwords to your bank accounts, passwords to your phone. there's too many ones, password, phone and bank account, Er, bit, Um, what are the passwords there? and give them to somebody trusted. And what you'd like your funeral, burial cremation. What you want that to look like, And I think you should have a celebration of life. I think If you, if you know you're dying from whatever which everyone, not everyone will have that privilege. But if you know you're dying, I think why not. why not have a a live funeral where you're alive and there for it? That's I'm going to do that if I. if I get

[supdaily]:

Wait

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

the chance,

[supdaily]:

life. Okay, I'm

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Uh,

[supdaily]:

thinking of something different.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

uh,

[supdaily]:

What do you mean celebrate? like? Explain what you mean. I don't know what that is. Now.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Like. Well, they call it a celebration of life, but I think they should call it like an alive funeral because people always have funerals and like sales, amazing things about people when they're already dead. T's like let's do it when they're alive. So like if you know you're dying, have your funeral when you're alive, Everybody

[supdaily]:

How does

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

come and

[supdaily]:

that

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

celebrate

[supdaily]:

feels?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and talk to you.

[supdaily]:

That feels so morbid. How do you have a funeral while you're still alive?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Well, I think because I'm using the word funeral, That's why it's confusing, so I guess you can just call it a celebration of life, but I think the intention should be this is because I'm dying, so let's everybody get together and talk to me. I'll talk to you. Tell me all of your get on those. get on that podium with that microphone. Say what I meant to you right like so I can hear it and we can hug and love each other and know that everything has been said That needs to be said

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

before

[supdaily]:

mean, I think I think the moral of that story is tell people how you feel about them while they're still alive, whether they're dying or not, Because you don't know. Nobody

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

You

[supdaily]:

knows

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

don't know. No one knows that's

[supdaily]:

No,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

right.

[supdaily]:

and we had for my grandma. We had a three month at. We didn't have a funeral. He was cremated, and then we three months later sat around and told stories to each other,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, that's

[supdaily]:

So

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

what I want. That's that's amazing. I love

[supdaily]:

I

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it.

[supdaily]:

want

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I love

[supdaily]:

someone

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

to turn me into a firework, too, And then like play Katie Perry in the background the whole time,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

I think that's

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

is that

[supdaily]:

don't

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

a thing? Do people turn people into fireworks? I like it.

[supdaily]:

people.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I'm into that.

[supdaily]:

I mean, I watched this whole tettalk from a death dula, which was

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

a really interesting concept and the different processes that she had for involving, because I feel like a lot of loved ones, and you tell me, evolve themselves to the moment of death and then hand off their loved one to someone they don't know. So like the death duel thing was really interestin. Can you explain what a death dula is?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yeah, so in my limited knowledge, even though I live in Los Angeles and I'm there are, I'm sure a bunch of well, I know there's a bunch of death. I haven't worked with any, which is so surprising, but just like a birth, dula, like a debt, Tula will help you before you die during your death. After your death you can be. They can be involved in all of that or parts of it To me. The sad part about being a debt, Tula is that like Okay, So like hospices function, the medic care pays for everything right. So like as right now, Medic care does Include debt dolls in this little package that they get. So If a debt dula wants to work with a family, the family has to usually pay out of pocket. it's not like insurance covers it, so I find that sad for the debt due, and sad for the family that because debtdols are so needed, they're needed everywhere and they should just be. They should be employed by companies. they should be employed by hospital companies, and unfortunately it's just like it's not. They have to usually get paid out of pocket by the families, but they help immensely The planning with the during the death and then after the death just helps you be a little more comfortable, a little more educated, and they kind of hold your hand through it. It's amazing,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, they were talking about. like the family s involved with, like washing of the body and like stuff like that. It's just like it seems like post death you're involved with the preparation of your loved one for

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, which is amazing.

[supdaily]:

the funeral.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes, And you know what I'm just realizing as ten fifty nine.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I have

[supdaily]:

all right,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

to go.

[supdaily]:

all

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

right.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

my God,

[supdaily]:

Well,

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

I could talk forever.

[supdaily]:

I know we'll have to do this again. I will say that I did ask, and on Instagram, and a lot of a lot of the statements were just like Thank you. like people

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

who have had experiences with hospice and said that you are an angel. Angel was the word that was commonly used.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

So so if people are inspired by, you want to reach out to you. Where's the best way to do that?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Yes. So I am basically on all social media. Facebook, Youtubetiktok, Instagram, at hospital Nurse July, and

[supdaily]:

Okay?

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

that's where you can find me.

[supdaily]:

Well, thank you for your time, and this is going to be really fascinating to share with people.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

Thank you so much for even giving me a voice. I appreciate

[supdaily]:

Of

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

it

[supdaily]:

course.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

and thank you for all the work you do and all the vulnerability you show. I love it

[supdaily]:

Oh, I appreciate that. Okay.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

All

[supdaily]:

stay.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

right. Have a good

[supdaily]:

first.

[julie_mcfadden__hospice_nurse_julie_]:

day.

[supdaily]:

hold on.