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Unfiltered Friends

Womansplaining MEN to WOMEN w/ Thedadvocate

March 28, 2023 Chris Thompson Episode 24
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Show Notes Transcript

Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@unfilteredfriendspodcast
IG - https://www.instagram.com/supdaily
Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@supdaily
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unfilteredfriends
Podcast - https://unfilteredfriends.buzzsprout.com/

Contact Lauren - https://www.tiktok.com/@the_dadvocate

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh thanks, producer, Son, you're the best. Don't listen to Chris. I figured I put the context clues together.

[supdaily]:

Are you? what? are you? reconfiguring your office for anything in particular? Are you just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

re doing it?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I, I want to start a podcast

[supdaily]:

Okay?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

ideally, and just better streaming. better recording space.

[supdaily]:

Are you a stream? There?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I am. now everyone wants me to do everything So

[supdaily]:

Are you streaming? What are

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

sure,

[supdaily]:

you streaming?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so lately what I've been doing it is, I've just been doing like live, reacting to partner shaming.

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

So during the week I just kind of compile things that are sent to me and then I go live and I'm like Okay, Everybody sit down and let's watch these together.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, you go live where

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Um, so far, Twitch and Youtube, but now that I'm monetized on Twitch, they have this very specific rule that you cannot share any of the same stream as Twitch until after twenty four hours after the stream,

[supdaily]:

I've been a twitch

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so

[supdaily]:

partner for five years.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

oh

[supdaily]:

No

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

one pays attention to that like I

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

oh,

[supdaily]:

talked

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

really

[supdaily]:

directly to people at. I mean you could. If you. so. your. Are you a partner now?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Affiliate So

[supdaily]:

Afilligat?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

far

[supdaily]:

You're fine. In fact, I think they're getting rid of the exclusivity for partnership. There's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That

[supdaily]:

been

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

would

[supdaily]:

a lot

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

be nice

[supdaily]:

of shifts at Twitch, but that's actually like At the beginning

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Beginning.

[supdaily]:

of twenty twenty. You know, I've been doing content as my full time job for thirteen years now.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Well

[supdaily]:

M. Yeah, and I was about to At the

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the

[supdaily]:

beginning

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

beginning

[supdaily]:

of

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

of

[supdaily]:

twenty

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it.

[supdaily]:

twenty because I was making no money. I was making like seven hundred bucks a month,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh,

[supdaily]:

and

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

oh God,

[supdaily]:

I know, but when lock down happened one, my brain went dedicate yourself to tik Tok, Because if I'm watching Tik Tok, people need something more than fifteen year old dancing to watch. so I was like I'm goin to provide that content. And then I started going live on Tik Tok for an hour before I went live on Twitch to bring them over to Twitch

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's

[supdaily]:

because

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

what I

[supdaily]:

it's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

started doing.

[supdaily]:

and a lot of

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

little

[supdaily]:

those

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

vehicle.

[supdaily]:

people are Are still with me and it's so much easier to monetize over there as well, so

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's just funny how Tiktok is like the lowest paying platform.

[supdaily]:

It's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I think of any

[supdaily]:

stupid.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that I'm on and yet you need it as almost like you know how, when you're in racing games, there's like the speed pad, and

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

you get on

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

you to go that extra. That's tik tok. They're just little speed pads in the creator's journey.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I've just never looked at Tiktok as income,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

No,

[supdaily]:

Tiktok as discovery. Twitch. Outubefacebook is monetization. Discord

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Just

[supdaily]:

is connection.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

tiktok will usually buy me breakfast every day.

[supdaily]:

Wow,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Typically, I earn enough for them to get me like anywhere between a beagle and a beagle and an ice cap.

[supdaily]:

I was about to say I was like. What kind of breakfast are we talking here? Yeah, I, the day I stopped focusing on money on Tik Tok, was the day I got twenty million views and one day I made forty seven dollars and I was like Okay, Well, I'll

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's

[supdaily]:

just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

crazy.

[supdaily]:

go fuck myself.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

No, it had to be more than forty seven. I bet it was like forty seven every day for like a week, and then and then it goes back down to the like, maybe three, maybe

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

three dollars

[supdaily]:

it was one day. it was one day. I don't know. I just never

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

where it goes.

[supdaily]:

really made much from. I just forget it's there. I think I just looked. I think I've like two and fifty books over the course of like months. I don't make

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

any money from that fund at all

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah, I just keep it there, Although I was keeping it there. Maybe this is something we should be talking about live, but I was keeping it there and I was just using it as a savings account. But then Tiktok actually banned me. They permanently banned me for twelve

[supdaily]:

From the

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

minutes

[supdaily]:

from what?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

from the whole app. I signed in. I was just like on a casual little break at work and I just signed in to watch some videos and it was like you've been permanently banned from this. If you think this was a mistake,

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yu can appeal, and I obviously was like, Um, can have, at least to have my money. And then they were like Oh, it was a mistake. You're back within twelve minutes and I was like, Oh, okay, so now I just take out my money as soon as i,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's the moderation. There is pretty crazy.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Uh,

[supdaily]:

I mean, this could be part of the podcast conversation, but I'm just I kind of told you like. I'm just really exhausted

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Uh, uh,

[supdaily]:

with with how people act on there, But I was getting a tattoo on the on here, so I was laying down and I was live streaming it and I

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Wow,

[supdaily]:

kept getting comments from women saying Oh, I wish I could climb on top of you, and as someone who is a survivor of rape and sexual assault or just a human being deserving of respect, Though Like hey, this makes me uncomfortable. Please stop and they would not stop. And then I got banned for harassment from live for like two weeks.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Wow, that's actually. Um. it's so funny. I think about this as everyone talks about like the bare minimum for men and they're like

[supdaily]:

Okay,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

behavior.

[supdaily]:

we're gonna let's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

but that's actually

[supdaily]:

let's.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that's actually like. If you think about it, that's like the best case scenario because usually the bare minimum for Menon, domestic situations is like you get arrested

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

even if you're the collar. Even if you're the one calling in. You're like I'm having the ship beat out of me. Typically they just arrest you. Just keep everyone safe.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna this

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Well,

[supdaily]:

is going

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

let's

[supdaily]:

to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

do

[supdaily]:

be.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

this.

[supdaily]:

I mean,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

We

[supdaily]:

I'm

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

both

[supdaily]:

literally.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

have our coffee.

[supdaily]:

I'm calling the podcast Women, explaining men to women

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and it's going to ruffle some feathers, but I, I don't know if you looked at me up on Tik Tok. I have pissed off that side of Tiktok

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

After you

[supdaily]:

multiple

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

said

[supdaily]:

times.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that, I was, of course, whenever someone tells me like I do have haters, There's videos out there. I'm like. Oh, let me see, even if it's especially if it's someone I like just

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

because I just love to see it and I saw some And it's it was funny because I watched some of your videos and I gained some context into the life of Chris and then I watched

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

these like rebuttal videos, and I'm like the character of Chris actually makes so much more sense if you understand the context of

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

where he was coming from and all of the Videos. But if you watch the rebuttal videos without any context, it's really easy to think that you're a piece of ship.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yeah, well, that that matches the narrative like that one Laura, girl who went after me for multiple videos across five, five months and three platforms.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Someone told me that she has called me a missageanist. I haven't

[supdaily]:

Oh one hundred

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

seen

[supdaily]:

per cent.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it, so I don't know. Apparently it was like in a comment or alive, Like something really like blip.

[supdaily]:

She, the comment that she that pissed everyone off where I said. If the bar is on the floor where you left it, That wasn't even to her. That was in response to someone else's comment. And then I even clarified. after that, I didn't mean you specifically. I mean universal meaning men and women have to keep are

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

responsible for their own standards.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah, if people watched your videos, they would recognize that that was actually a call out to yourself Because I saw another video that you saw where you were starting to realize. Like you know, I might be kind of causing my own problems with the partners that I'm picking in my life.

[supdaily]:

Yep,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And that was, you know, a big moment for you, but clearly other people don't want to have that same big moment.

[supdaily]:

People have their narratives, and that's something that you are very aware of,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Uh,

[supdaily]:

especially with the type of

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

uh.

[supdaily]:

content that you're making. Okay. we're already started, so let's actually let's actually start.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

Okay, Hello, unfiltered friends Today we have on the dad

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Dad

[supdaily]:

vacate. this is going to be a spicy conversation. I don't think it's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

is

[supdaily]:

going to be that spicy. But if you came because of the title, just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just

[supdaily]:

stay to listen to the context for what we're Talking about, because I think it's a really important

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

conversation. So hello, Do I call you Laurent? I don't

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Lauren,

[supdaily]:

know.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Lauren works. Yeah,

[supdaily]:

Okay, Laurent.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the advocate

[supdaily]:

So

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

would get exhausting this whole time, so the advocate.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, because I had heard, I thought you worked for that company Because there was like the advocates and I'd heard radio adds for them.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh, I've never heard a radio. add. Yeah, I just I feel like I thought of it on my own, but then once it started, I googled it and there are a couple of others. There's some law firms. Um. there is a podcast somewhere out there. I don't know if there are still even updating. Um, So there are other advocates. I'm not the

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

only one, but

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I definitely kind of claimed it.

[supdaily]:

I had only heard of it through those ads, and it was the lawyer company, and those adds have been on for like years and years and years. So when I saw your name, I was like.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I didn't mean to steal it, but

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I

[supdaily]:

Well,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

definitely just

[supdaily]:

you have an underscore,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

snatched it.

[supdaily]:

Okay, you have an underscore and that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The

[supdaily]:

makes

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

biggest

[supdaily]:

it different.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

difference. they cannot suit me.

[supdaily]:

So if I, if I'm honest with you, I actually had you blocked for a little bit.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh no,

[supdaily]:

But but it wasn't It wasn't because I didn't like you. it was because I am, just so I got so tired of being constantly inundated with the gender war stuff and I was just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

like man, just like Just I want out of it all together. And then people kept sending me your videos because they felt like maybe it would validate me in some way. Um, and then I unblocked you and I started watching and then I watched more and then I followed, then eventually you followed me back. So you and I have actually had a longer journey than you recognize.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's so funny, but I actually hear that a lot. I've even heard people who were like. When I first started hearing your messages. I absolutely was resistant. I was like going to shut this down even from other men who are like this is literally against. Like everything that I have been taught, what I have been shown is appropriate to follow. Some guys are like. my girl friend is going to kill me if they hear me listening to some lady telling

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

me that it's okay to have us Cup.

[supdaily]:

Wait, what's a sink cup?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh yeah, so the sink cup is the cup that you perpetually leave next to the sink because you're not fully committed to like either being done drinking like you don't know if you want more or not. So if you're done with it, it's next to the sins. You can just load it up, but if you're not done with it, it's next to the sinks. You can fill it up with more water.

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and we so many of us just do this, But it is kind of a gender war thing because there was this really popular article that went viral. If you like start Google. It'll come right up, but it was called. She divorced me because I left my cup next to the sink And

[supdaily]:

Oh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it was. It gets deeper than that, But such a point of contention throughout the whole marriage is like. Why are you leaving this cup by the sink? Why are Ou leaving this cup by the sink? And I remember I read it and it was at a point in my marriage where actually things were bad and I was really

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

resentful toward my husband and I was like, Right this, he always leaves his cup next to the sink And it's because he's so lazy and he hates me and he thinks that I'm going to be his Mommy and clean up after him and all those same talking points you hear from so many women, and one day I'm going about my life and I'm drinking a cup of water. I get to the end of it. I'm just living my life and I set up by the sink and I'm like You know, maybe I'll come back and fill this up later And it just

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

hit me and I was like That's why he's doing it. He doesn't hate me. he doesn't want me to be his mommy. He's just living his life in a convenient

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

way That there's no Malicious intent to this whatsoever, And so I was like, maybe maybe I can kind of talk about this kind of tin with people.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I can't

[supdaily]:

I would

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

be

[supdaily]:

say

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the only wife who has these conspiracy theories in my head against something so innocent.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I would say that, Would this be a safe assumption that you get painted as a woman hater quite often?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, yeah, there are some people who think that it's like internalized misageny, and there are some people who are like. Oh, so you just want to bash women

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And

[supdaily]:

hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it's funny because like if you think about it in a way, I do bash women specific women. It like, just like I will bash some men, but I don't bash all women. I don't bash all men, So that's where the context of that criticism I would like to pick a part a little bit, because at no point in time am I trying to have this message of you know all women are like this, and this is just inherently women. I'm trying to talk more on the societal allowances, I guess between the genders, because what I want to do is make it less a man verse woman thing, and more both of us together versus the societal standards and impressions against us

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean, when we first started talking, you were talking about the fact that you were kind of on the misandrist side of things, where

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Here

[supdaily]:

you were kind of like Screw all men right. Can you talk a little bit about your shift

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Shift

[supdaily]:

from that to you actually

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Actually

[supdaily]:

advocating

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

doing.

[supdaily]:

for men using your platform?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and it's interesting because it's I don't think that I ever had the same phase as a lot of women where I was like. Oh, I just hate all men. I just hate all men. but I think the advocating started first, because when I met my husband, who's a single father, I was just like so in love with him and how hard he worked to be a part of his son's life, And so that issue was always important to me, but of course, the longer you're gettin to a marriage, the long You live with people, the harder you but heads, the easier it was for all these different messages hitting me from every end of. Like you know you could do better. That's the bare minimum. There is better for you out there. If he wanted to, he would hitting me from all sides, and almost like brainwashing me into believing. Yeah, my marriage ain't ship. I'd be better off without him And so I was believing all these things out there. I was seeing everything that he was doing is like this is Weaponized and competence down to the sink cup, And finally, I think it was like I had a dream that we were actually divorced and I was actually in this life where I had to date and I was like No, No, and I woke up and I was like we got to fix this and so I just started really listening, you know, listening to what he had to say, trying to come to a point of understand Ing and compromise. And so I'm basically, this is after like years and years and years to get to such a healthy point of our marriage. You know, like we start off so strong, and then we got to a point where we were like Man, Is this going to be over? Are we going to have to once again create another family of separated kids? And I was like now where we can't let that happen And that's not to say that I'm on the side of, like the really conservative family ideals of Eople who are like you need to stay together. No matter what look, we all know that there are certain situations where happy marriages were celebrating. Sometimes a good divorces were celebrating, you know,

[supdaily]:

Divorce

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

but

[supdaily]:

parties are some of the most exciting parties.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah, yeah, sometimes it's a really good thing, but I think a lot of relationships. I think we're just we're cutting them off way too early and a lot of it is because of these societal. it. As of well, you'll be better with off without them. The grass is greener On the other side. No one wants to work on it because we're so fully convinced that it's way easier to just end it.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it feels like I don't know. It feels like when I get into dating situations as a single person. Now it's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's

[supdaily]:

major

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Major

[supdaily]:

ly,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Leach

[supdaily]:

shifted in

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

In

[supdaily]:

the way that the value of me as a man is

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Is

[supdaily]:

viewed. I'm viewed, and this is just my experience. Obviously, but I'm viewed as less than less important,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

a tool through which to support somebody

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Somebody

[supdaily]:

else

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

else?

[supdaily]:

and like to be clear. I do want to support my partner. That's something that I value, but I also

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Also

[supdaily]:

want to,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

wonderful.

[supdaily]:

Nor that contributes. You know, In whatever

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

way that makes sense, creates

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

creates

[supdaily]:

that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that

[supdaily]:

balance so that we can have a healthy connection and

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and

[supdaily]:

no

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

no

[supdaily]:

resentment.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

resentment.

[supdaily]:

What have you seen? Mind set wise, The

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The

[supdaily]:

shift

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

ship

[supdaily]:

to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to

[supdaily]:

kind of, it's almost like going away

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Away,

[supdaily]:

from equal partnership

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Parnrhpmore,

[supdaily]:

to more almost worship at times.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and that's kind of interesting that you put it that way because I do think that there are a lot of women in particular who are looking for a man. to. Yeah, essentially worship them. The problem is that like I'm actually a big advocate for something. I think that simping is a

[supdaily]:

Why

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

beautiful

[supdaily]:

would you not

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

thing.

[supdaily]:

sit for your partner? Why would you? I am a

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Exactly

[supdaily]:

Simp? If I'm with you, I'm simping.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

exactly. I I love simping. I'm a huge simp for my husband, But the magic happens when it's mutual sipping and that's not what's happening. It's not really cool to simp for dudes. It's not really cool to be a dude orbiter.

[supdaily]:

No, it seems like any sort of support towards men is major ly, demonized or thought of as almost anti feminist.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and what's crazy to me is how all you have to do as a woman is say anything along the lines of I like men. Actually, I think they're good and immediately women are like. What are you? some kind of a pick? Me? And it's like I'm getting so sick of that term because really? what is a pick me? Oh, it's a person who wants to steal all the men and sleep with them. Look, I'm a married woman. I am the most laid demographic out there. I don't need To like pander for sexual attention. I have a husband who I have to like beat off with a broom three times a day

[supdaily]:

Oh, I mean

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Is

[supdaily]:

like,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

not the motivation.

[supdaily]:

and also because you know, I've been attacked quite a few times on Tik Tok, And that's just like the nature of the business, If you speak your mind on things, But any of the women who defended me were called, Pick me immediately to the point where they're changing their social media names, and like discord to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

pick

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah

[supdaily]:

me something or whatever, and to me, if you are advocating for women, the idea that you will belittle them to the idea that the only reason that they would side with a man is

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Is,

[supdaily]:

because

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

because

[supdaily]:

you want

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

want

[supdaily]:

to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to

[supdaily]:

A

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

be

[supdaily]:

sexual

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a sexual

[supdaily]:

option for them To me. That's disrespectful to women by

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Isn't

[supdaily]:

people

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that

[supdaily]:

who

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

interesting,

[supdaily]:

are calling themselves feminist. It's very confusing to me.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And that's a big reason that it's never offended me, because I've always kind of seen it for what it is, which is Projection is your projecting on to me the way that you value men. You only see men as being good as some kind of sexual conquest or monetary income. That's the only benefit and value you see in men. That's why you're so confused at the concept of a woman doing something. Values a man without either of those two goals.

[supdaily]:

Is that what it is is? that, is it because my value as a man is just like a bank account or sex object.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I think that's that's what I'm getting out of women who jump to pick me any time

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a woman is speaking positively about men at all.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, and I want to be clear for anyone listening or watching like the co. The reason I had you on is because of what you said in our conversation. because we had a conversation

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Version

[supdaily]:

and then I let it marinate for a little bit, and then I said You want to come on the podcast because we both kind of get painted in a way where we hate

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hate

[supdaily]:

women.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

women.

[supdaily]:

But it seems like both

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Both

[supdaily]:

of our intentions,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

our

[supdaily]:

and maybe you can speak to. This

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

this.

[supdaily]:

is actually to build a bridge between men and women. Why is that being so missed? Con Strode? What? what about? Maybe

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Maybe

[supdaily]:

your

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

your,

[supdaily]:

delivery or my delivery that you've witnessed is causing it to look like. Oh, we just hate women, which is so far from the truth. I love women.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

You know what, I think. I think that again is another projection piece Right, because when you really take a look at a lot of pages that claim to be about empowering women, the secondary objective seems to be belittling men and putting down men discussing the issues with men. And so I think what a lot of women rightfully fear because there are a lot of anti women groups. Unfortunately,

[supdaily]:

Oh yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

even my own comments sometimes get bogged down with like

[supdaily]:

M,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Anti women

[supdaily]:

hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

ship that I'm never. You're never going to see a liked by advocate

[supdaily]:

It's like

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

next

[supdaily]:

no,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to

[supdaily]:

no,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

one

[supdaily]:

no,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

of those. Those don't get my endorsement, But I do always allow people the freedom to tell on themselves, so go for it.

[supdaily]:

M,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Make yourself look like an ansel. Um, And so I think that their fear is that when we create places for men that it's going to inevitably turn into an anti woman thing.

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's hard because there's not too many pay Is that are fully egalitarian and fully for the message of. We are really here for men's mental health, and we're not going to forget about women's. It's hard for people to understand that you can focus on both issues. Like me, focusing on ship men are going through does not invalidate minimize, or erase the multitudes of ship that women face.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Just they have their spaces and men need some. too.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think that's something. I mean. we'll just get into it. I was in college. I was drugged and raped by a woman, and when I went to report it to the police, they laughed at me and I think that's how you and I connected with me telling that story and I'm curious. Your perspective on this is someone who who has these conversations. When I told my story on Tik Tok. I was immediately attacked A lot of women. basically saying that like what I'm going through isn't as important as what women go through, and like, I will always acknowledge the fact that women face that to a way higher degree than I ever have as a man harassed men stalking all that stuff. What? what? in your perspective costs? I mean, I have my theories, but what in your perspective causes someone to look at someone who is survived the same thing, but you think is less valuable, Therefore you attack.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's it's that fear of a racer. It's that fear that and I think it's like one of those like almost a dark pipe Lines of feminism where like feminism for the

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

most part is good, but there's this weird dark path that is like men are trying to steal everything from us and they take it a little bit too far, And these are usually the same types of people who, in addition to saying like, oh, well, men can't Actually face assaults, they're just trying to claim that they can, so they can claim to be victims and steal this issue away from us, and that that pipeline usually goes so far as to be the same types that people who are saying well, you know trans women don't really exist. This is just men trying to steal our identities again and it's just it goes down like a worse and worse path,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And that's why it's important to kind of talk about these things because I think for the most part most people fall into the feminism, Rella, and most people don't want to go down that pipe line.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, is it a vocal? Is it a vocal minority? Why does it seem like it's not you know like it seems like it's a lot. Um, but that's why I think chronically online exists where like If you go out into the real world and start talking this way about anybody, man or woman, people are goin to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

look at you crooked.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah, that's a really good point as well, and I really don't think that it is the majority. Um, I just think that the chronically online people have a way of always speaking up, while a lot of the people

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

who are like man. That really sucks that happen. He don't always comment.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, but yeah, I guess like the. It's kind of like yelp reviews. You really only see the bad

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

ones because if someone had a good time, they just have one and then move on. I

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I

[supdaily]:

suppose

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

think about that all the time whenever I'm driving behind a truck, and it's like call this number to tell us how we're doing. I'm like, How many people do you think actually call and they're like, Hey, this

[supdaily]:

It's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

guy

[supdaily]:

great.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

has been great. He's been using his blinker, been using his turn signal stopping appropriately, I love this guy

[supdaily]:

Yeah, people aren't

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Doesn't

[supdaily]:

going to put

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

happen,

[supdaily]:

in that that effort, but it's still. it's really damaging. So one of the things that like you and I were talking about previously was that you, you know you were having your issues with men, but then were struggling to justify the good relationships you have with men. like within your family. Um, what? what happens in that conversation within your own mind, where you're just like I hate men. But here are these wonderful men. I didn't mean you, and it's just like If it's if it's everyone that feels that way and they're excusing there, the people in their lives, it seems a bit hypocritical

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Man, I just love the way that we tied in. From how sometimes those few loud comments can make it feel like that's how everyone feels and to this because it ties in so well Because really you said. Oh, you were having problems with Manuel. Really, I wasn't. I was having

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

some problems with one man And I was allowing everyone else's problems with all these other men to become my problem and

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to influence my problem. And I think

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that that's kind of what's happening to everyone else too

[supdaily]:

Yeah, how do you unravel that? What did you do?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Again. Like for me at the end of the day, I didn't want to lose my marriage. You know this, this is

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a person who is my best friend, and a lot of times I will admit, sometimes my content gets a little bit tone deaf because of the fact that my husband is A is a really objectively good man, and some people might say, Oh well, actually he's a bare minimum man. some Eople might say that buy and large a good man, not a narissist, not abusive. All all of the things that are not actually bad, and some people really do get tricked into marrying people like that. It's

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just such a small minority, and we ccannot force all of our husbands boy friends, partners to wear the mantles of every abuser out there. Just because some of them have Its, are the same. Some of their behaviors have been the same, or you've had some of the same problems.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I would find, and this is why I've kind of removed myself from a lot of these conversations about gender, So hat's off to you. I think

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

maybe maybe it's not. maybe it's not quite as intense because you are woman leading this conversation. Or maybe

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Or maybe

[supdaily]:

it's worse.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it's

[supdaily]:

I don't know. I can't. I can't speak to your experience. but what I would find is and this is even people who I was friends with. M. If they were

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

They were

[supdaily]:

making

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

making.

[supdaily]:

that comment, All men, you know, they're not saying Some men. they're saying all men and I would.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Say.

[supdaily]:

Hey,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hey,

[supdaily]:

What you're

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What you're

[supdaily]:

saying

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

saying

[supdaily]:

is

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Is

[supdaily]:

is

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

this

[supdaily]:

hurting is hurting me like it's hurting my feelings

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Feeling

[supdaily]:

to constantly hear you say all men are this,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

This

[supdaily]:

and I'm someone who's lovely in your life,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

life?

[supdaily]:

and the response was usually, if you have a problem with this, then you're part of the problem and I'm

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

never quite sure what to say to that. I don't. I don't know what to say to that. Do you have perspective on that?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm getting so tired of that because I hear that all the time as someone will say, Make some gross blanket statement. Like all men are the same. All they ever want is to go out on dates and talk about themselves and never ask questions. Something like such a gross blanket statement like that. And so

[supdaily]:

Hm?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a man will come in and go. I've never done that on a date and they're like Well, if it doesn't apply, let it fly or you know we'll only hit dogs. Hi, Or so it clearly applied to you somehow. And it's they're refusing to accept the fact that maybe they just said something gross and offensive Like. maybe the reason people are being offended isn't necessarily because you got them or they were actually called out, but because what you said was just objectively false,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, how do I? How do I have a successful conversation? Or is that just because again, my, I would love to have more of a conversation surrounding this. This is one of the reasons that you're here, but it seems like there's always a quick answer to omit me from even being a part of the conversation. So how do we even create that understanding? I don't know how to respond to stuff like that,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And I think that's honestly been one of the main reasons that my platform has been successful is because men want to be involved in conversations about the differences between men and women. What we can do to bridge those gaps, the problems women are having the problems men are having, but they're being continuously pushed out over and over again through methods like this. Through. Well, if you want to be part of the conversation, you have to tolerate us just making blanket statements about your entire Gender. And if you get mad then you're the problem. You have to either agree with me or stay silent. And so myself and a few other creators have finally started to create these channels where we can actually have healthy organic conversations where no one's being pushed out just because they are men.

[supdaily]:

M. I'm assuming that you get like a decent amount of back lash for some of the content that you're making or no.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I would honestly say that I do get some hate. I do get some back lash and criticism, but overwhelmingly positive.

[supdaily]:

That's great.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's almost completely silenced by the overwhelmingly positive stuff that I get like for. For every like one hater, I probably have fourteen messages and my Nbaxtrom couples who are like, Oh, I love watching your stuff with my husband. It really helped me understand him are like, Oh my God, like I love Watching your stuff with my wife. It makes us laugh about it and we're able to get a lot closer. Like more

[supdaily]:

I think

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

positive things.

[supdaily]:

I think I might just have some like P. t, s. D, or got

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Uh,

[supdaily]:

focused in on by that.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

uh,

[supdaily]:

Like it? Well, the thing is, I used to be a part of that side of Tiktok. I used to be one of those people that would find some random dude being misogenistic and be clear. I still stand vehemently against misogeny, but

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

I started to recognize after I healed a lot of stuff within myself that like it wasn't actually helping. It was,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It was

[supdaily]:

it was like fire with fire. It was damaging.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Damage

[supdaily]:

It wasn't creating any sort of bridge. And

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And

[supdaily]:

when I stopped doing it then I was almost like an outcast, so maybe I had a target on me because I was in that side and then they're like Wait, You're not doing what I want you to do any more and I became not good. Maybe

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's interesting how you can really branch off like so many different way is win your reacting to content and it's kind of funny You brought up Laura, the woman who criticizes you and

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I get tagged in her stuff often, because what's so crazy is that she and I, I feel like we get sent to the exact same content and we get sent the same like partner shaming content.

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

But where we differ is our Sponses go to different ways, and where I tend to take the lens is, Let's assume positive intent on all sides.

[supdaily]:

Right,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I want to look at this from a lens of like, because typically we're only hearing the woman's perspective or the partner Chambers perspective. Sometimes it's the man

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and we never hear from the person being shamed. And so when when I see a video like that, the way that I want to look at it is okay. What about the Erson, who is not be able to speak up for themselves right now,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and the way that Laura tends to look at the same clip is, Let's take what she has to say and run with it. Let's

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

believe this creator fully,

[supdaily]:

Right,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and and sometimes that's a good thing, right like typically, when someone is talking to me telling me a story or something, I'm absolutely taking what they say at face value and I'm going to let them lead the converse Ation and say okay, assuming all of this is true, However, when it comes to how we're actually taking in and digesting information, we really should not just be believing what is being told to us. We

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

should be always asking questions and wondering what other perspectives there could be. because like all of these partners, shaming episodes tend to reveal so Much of the time, especially in the just kidding, refined part of the videos where they admit like, Oh, what I showed you wasn't the full story. He really is a great guy. we start to see like Okay,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Well, either my initial judgment was wrong or you're completely in denial about your situation, And the funniest part is that most people are more willing to take the cope and go there in denial about their own situation. I

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

know more about it than they do.

[supdaily]:

yeah, yes, it's it's you know. in all that stuff that had happened with me, I didn't respond. not because I didn't believe in what I was saying or that I was afraid. I just knew that there could be no productive conversation surrounding

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah

[supdaily]:

it like it was just going to be men versus women, and I was like I just don't like. I don't hate women and I don't hate men. I just don't like what's happening here and I can't have it back and forth because my my input is invalid, Even though you're speaking directly about me.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That I think that was the best move was to simply not respond, which has been the way that I have enjoyed going when

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I see like the rare hater video about me because at the end of the day it could. It's just going to keep going on and you're

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

going to need to start providing your evidence and it's going to turn into this like digital court room thing.

[supdaily]:

They're already not listening, so there's really no point like you In order to have a conversation, I think there has to be a base line of respect, and

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

just as a human. And if I don't see that I don't enter those arenas, but speaking about respect you, I think when I. T you first came on my radar was a multi multi part series about a certain couple partner

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I know it's

[supdaily]:

shaming.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

run.

[supdaily]:

Um can describe to me what partner shaming is And the most common ways it shows up for you when you see it.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, so partner shaming is basically the phenomenon of one person. We see this more in women than men, but men absolutely partner shame. they

[supdaily]:

Oh

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

do,

[supdaily]:

yeah, for

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Um,

[supdaily]:

sure,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and nonbionary people, partner shame as well, haven't caught any yet, but they for

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

sure do it. Um. The partner hamer will secretly record something their partner is doing or discuss something their partner did something. cringe embarrassing bad. Well, then post it publicly on social media, inviting the criticism opinions, and often merciless bullying to their partner. These videos tend to blow up to the millions, to a point that people are even admitting that they will make them up for views

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to promote their business. Things like that. And what?

[supdaily]:

That's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Typically,

[supdaily]:

gross. I'm sorry. That's just like that's your partner and you're using for for business purposes and just damaging their name, man or woman. they or them. That's awful.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, Yeah, and so then it's always a formula. They secretly record and shame the partner. Um, either for cloud attention or just validation. Sometimes they don't know that it's going to blow up, but none the less, they did it for validation and for attention. That's

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

always the main reason. Then there's the consequence. Um, either the partner finds out or they start getting some back, lash and the comments, Rightfully calling them out for what they're doing, And when this happens is when we get the Just kidding were fine video, which is typically them coming in and saying like, Oh, I didn't know this would blow up. I just had to get some things off my chest, but no, They're like, actually a really great partner. And so you guys are actually the problem By taking this too far, You guys need

[supdaily]:

M

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to calm down. They always turn it back around on us, the viewer, and they're

[supdaily]:

For reacting.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like. Yeah, they're like you guys took This way too far. You

[supdaily]:

I mean,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

guys

[supdaily]:

comment

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

are being

[supdaily]:

sections.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so mean.

[supdaily]:

Do they do for sure? But you instigated the scenario.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and so then it becomes a situation of like. Well, Now I have someone else to blame the commentors. They did take it a little too far, and

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so now they're the real reason this blew up. Not me,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, so it's just about attention.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Typically attention and the validation this is. I mean, even before partner shaming before posting things to social media was a thing. there was always some version of the group chat. Be it like the crocheting club or the locker room. There was always some version of like Can you fuck and believe this ship? Randy did.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

But now I don't think people were even ready for how powerful the Partner shaming machine really is.

[supdaily]:

So what is? what are? the? What's the damage that you see seen done after one of these partners shaming videos blows up?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

To be honest, I don't think that any of us ever get to see the real damage.

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What I've been able to see. Uh, is, I've certainly seen some people posting things in the aftermath of like, Oh, Well, now we're fighting. You know, there's obviously some marital or relationship issue. Um, So far, though typically the partners, I would say, always stay together

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Very rarely. that In the, even in the one that you were referring to the couple, I think the first episode was. Oh, This leads to divorce, but in the end they called off the divorce. they decided to stay together. M. What's really funny is I think that a lot of these these partner shamings end up bringing couples closer together In the end,

[supdaily]:

Really.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Uh, yeah, there was with the whole M wife, strike, husband, strike partner shaming drama. You know, they went on a podcast and we were talking about how because of the drama that came out with the partners shaming, it became in instead of them against each other, it was like them versus the commentors versus the haters,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And I think a lot of what it is to is men especially have this inherent desire to protect their partner to

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

protect their wives. And

[supdaily]:

hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

if it's true, what a lot of men say That a lot of their relationship is based on status, then their wife's character is their character to. And so for a lot of men they don't even give a ship that their wife just shamed them on the Internet. They just want to help their wife get out of it.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I don't know that I would have the same. I mean, I would still want to protect my wife, but she would also need to be accountable for the fact that she put our business out on the internet instead of having a conversation with me about it, and then try to make

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

me look bad like that's a trust thing that would violate my trust with my partner if they did something like that to me.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and I think that a lot of us would kill to be flies on the wall for those conversations after the partner shaming victim finds out about the video and confronts the partner, sham. Er, I think we all love to really see how that plays out, and I think a lot of viewers of the Partners shaming series that are always craving for the shamed partner to come out and like, make a clap back video or something, And it just really doesn't Happen a lot of the times because people who become partner shamers tend to have very private partners. That's the

[supdaily]:

M

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

crazy, like additional

[supdaily]:

really

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

awful part. as Well as so many of these videos when they come out with a just King were fine video. it always involves them saying something along lines of like you know, we would just like this to end because my partners really private and I think a lot of it is that they never expected their partner to see it or Find out because of how private they are. These are people who don't go on social media.

[supdaily]:

People who don't understand the power that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And

[supdaily]:

they

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so

[supdaily]:

have

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that

[supdaily]:

when they put that out there.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so, just like in the locker room or at the knitting club, they never expect their partner to find out about this, which is the craziest part to me is like my dad's been telling me, and my dad has not even computer literate, like at all, but since I was a little kid, he's been elling me. Everything on the internet is forever

[supdaily]:

M. Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and yet no one seems to take that seriously. even in twenty twenty three.

[supdaily]:

I don't think they think it through to that level. They just think about their immediate emotion, which is why it's so important to lie. take a breath. Maybe have a conversation with the person that you're with instead of the internet at large. Because the Internet is just going to is going to side with their own personal feeling. Not. It's not a logical back. That's why I do this podcast. Honestly, it's like I want to have these conversations, but there's so much nuance in it that needs to be said and there needs to be a back Fourth in order for it to people to not project their own things on to that conversation.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and and what's so crazy about the whole partner shaming phenomenon as well is Whenever you see these like knee jerk reactions from women of like divorce him, divorce him. Now. Clearly what he's doing is divorce worthy. You're probably thinking in your head. these are women who care about other women. These are women who are

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

pro female empowerment. However, as soon as the flip switches and the partner shamer Says, actually, I'm going to stay with them. I just wanted to get this off my chest. The audience turns. They turn so hard and they're like. Well, you're just an idiot. You're just an idiot who is willing to accept the bare minimum. Your standards are just on the floor then, and they turn into the biggest bullies that

[supdaily]:

What

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

you can

[supdaily]:

is that?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

imagine.

[supdaily]:

Why do they do that?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's. I'm still trying to understand the whole psychology of it, but I think that a lot of people get it right when they say it's just miserable people who want to see other people miserable.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, Yeah, I say that about like, like people who are like angry commentors to. It's like I've been to a lot of therapy

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

and and

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

green

[supdaily]:

happy,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

flag.

[supdaily]:

thank you. Well, I've heard that's a red flag too. That I'm going to therapy to be able to manipulate women. It's just like it feels like, No matter how kind or good or things that I do to improve myself, it somehow always gets twisted in a way where I'm there to manipulate in some way, shape or former. I would never do. That's not

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's

[supdaily]:

who I am.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's really funny. You say that actually, because one of my friends just made a post on like Oh, these are green flags that women see in men, And the first one was If he goes to therapy, that's a green flag And she got a lot of grief in the comments from other men because men were saying Hey, that might be you. That might be a green flag for you, But this is bad advice to men because when we were actually going out on dates, women see therapy is a red flag that they

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That if a man's in therapy like it's court ordered or something,

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean if they're narciso, I had a guy

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

named Lee Hammock on her. Have you ever heard him? He's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm familiar with him. Yeah, I

[supdaily]:

yeah.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

think we were following each other. If we're not following each other, I'm definitely following him.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, And so he's a self aware person diagnosed with N. p. D, which is

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

such a

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

self

[supdaily]:

rare

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

proclaimed

[supdaily]:

thing.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

narsisists. You don't

[supdaily]:

Right

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

see that very often,

[supdaily]:

went and he's like I'm in therapy for life And I asked him because there are examples. where like are I asked him directly. Are you going to therapy for weapons or tools? Because it's very well within the realm of possibility and I just think it's there seems

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

to be a

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

hm.

[supdaily]:

constant leap to malicious intent no matter what. So all I, so, If you're a fella and you're listening, all three of the guys who follow me, but all you can do is just not be what they say you are. You can't explain. You can't talk it out. Just be that. and if people want to paint you that way, that's fine. but at least at least have your actions speak for themselves. you know,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and that that speaks so much to the whole choosing to respond to haters or not, Thing

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

is. typically whenever there's any kind of objective beef between creators,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

realistically, people will be able to see both sides and they're going to make their judgments, and I will say this whenever I'm from the outside, looking in. the person who is posting less is usually the person whose side I tend to be on

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The people is talking more and more and you know

[supdaily]:

It's like

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

excusing

[supdaily]:

convincing you.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

more and more. Yeah, I'm like, Oh, you're this seems to me like at this point you know, I'm old enough to see that as you're just trying to get ahead of the narrative.

[supdaily]:

Yeah.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What's really going on here?

[supdaily]:

yeah, what when all those videos are made about me Back then I didn't watch any of them because I knew it was. I'm a sensitive person

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's

[supdaily]:

was

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

good.

[supdaily]:

going to hurt my feelings,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's healthy.

[supdaily]:

but what I did do is have people who I trust go watch those videos and say,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's good.

[supdaily]:

and I asked them to look at it, because I want to grow. If there's truly problematic behavior happening within me, I'll go, and there're people who will tell me exactly how it is shown. The producer who's watching right now is one of those I was like. Is there something that I need to Just in my behavior to be kinder to the people who are reacting this way, and she will tell me, And if she doesn't really see anything, then I just I just go. okay then I'm just going to move forward and that's what I did.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh, that's a tough one. I could only imagine if you were to come to me and say hey, Laran. I've pissed off a bunch of women by suggesting that may be the fact that the bar is on the floor has something to do with the their own standards that they are setting for themselves. What can I do? I would have a really hard time like giving a real charitable answer. Outside of There's nothing you can do, because any time That you, I'm not even going to say, women try to hold any body accountable

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

for what's going on in their lives. You will always get back Lash.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, if you're not like, honestly, the people who like everyone loves generally don't talk about anything that is important to people, because when things are important, people tend to have a really emotional and immediate reaction. Um, and I used to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

be one of those people and it just man. I was stressed out all the time. It was really stressful.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And we always still will be like.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it's human nature to occasionally have the need jerk reaction and it takes a

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

lot of practice and discipline to stop being so reactionary, And that's

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a huge flaw in society that I'm really trying to point out here with both the partner shaming series and the Woman's Plaining series is that so many of these things that we attack and we Aint with this broad umbrella of like, Look how clearly abusive this is is Most often times not. there's actually a term for it. Are you familiar with Acum's raiser?

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's Es saying that's basically the simplest answer to a solution is

[supdaily]:

It's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

usually

[supdaily]:

usually the correct

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the

[supdaily]:

one.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

answer. Yeah, Something along those lines, And there's another one called Handlin's raiser, Hi cat, which is essentially the idea That Well, how does it go? It's uh, that which is often attributed to malice can generally be easily explained with ignorance. Basically saying that all this ship that we usually think is like everyone conspiring against us is most often just that they were naive. There was some simple miscommunication or we misunderstood.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, So my history with content creation as I started on Outube and I was having conversations primarily in the l, G, B, d, k, I, a community from an allied perspective, but I was talking about race. I was talking about gender inequality and stuff like that, and something I always kind of preached to people is ignorance is not aggressive. It's just a lack of information. If

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you give that information and then they continue with that behavior, Then that is malice. But the assumption that ignorance is always Meant to hurt.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M,

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

hm,

[supdaily]:

it doesn't allow any sort of chance to educate. And

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yes,

[supdaily]:

like that's one of the reasons that I speak, have some compassion for men when they act out. I don't excuse their behavior. But if

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

we never get to the root of why these men are acting this way, nothing ever changes. If all we do is demonized the smoke, we never put out the flame.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M,

[supdaily]:

And so

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

hm,

[supdaily]:

that's where I get into a lot of trouble Is like. having compassion has also looked at as advocating for crappy. behave. You're no, I think that's awful. But why did you do it? And that's usually the direction

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

I come from?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

exactly. I do think that you're you're very right about that and I think that it's so interesting how society when a woman acts out when we see videos of a woman aggressively keying a man's car. What's the first comment you see when

[supdaily]:

He

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

you

[supdaily]:

deserved

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

get to the conversection?

[supdaily]:

it, Or what did he do

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What did he do?

[supdaily]:

Ye

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

every time

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

everyone wants to know,

[supdaily]:

every time?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

but but you will never see a video of a man doing, even if he's punch Holes in his own wall, his own property. even if he's destroying his own things, no one's going to be like. Well, what is he so upset? about? What what did she do to make him

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so mad? No one is going

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to say that

[supdaily]:

I just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And

[supdaily]:

think

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so

[supdaily]:

men aren't in the conversation. So like, how are you going to get that? Because when you, when you do enter, you get shouted out or men

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

don't express themselves that a lot of men aren't the best communicating their feelings.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's really frustrating too, because whenever men finally ask for help, whenever men finally come out and they're like I'm here to communicate, to be emotionally vulnerable. To come out and tell you guys all the reasons that we've had problems and are acting out here. They are. We really need some help with them. The answer that they keep getting is Oh, these are your problems. Well, it's your own fault. That's the patriarch

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that caused those. And

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

how does that help? They're

[supdaily]:

it doesn't.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

looking for help. Not blame Like,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

let's say it's true. Let's I'll agree that patroarchy caused all the problems that men face. How does that help them? How does this new new blame that they are holding on to going to give them access to domestic violence shelters, give them more access to government assistance. Give them more mental health resources, give them more stable outcomes and family court situation.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yeah, it's It's just really cruel and some people are that way and I just at this point, just kind of stay in my lane and when I see that person I go. Oh, okay, and then I move on because there's no real point. I've never been able to have a successful back and forth at least publicly on Tik tok. It just invites too many people into the conversation with too much of their own projection and intent.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's It's interesting because you look a certain way. You appear to be a Si Et white mail and that is enough to invalidate like probably the majority of your opinions in a lot

[supdaily]:

It's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

of conversations.

[supdaily]:

it's the conversation about punching up. You're allowed to punch as long as you're punching up. and you know I am since white man. I can't tell you though, how many times I've been in rooms where men where thinking. I shared some chovanistic ideas or misogynistic ideas, and I look at them and I'm like, Oh no,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

No,

[supdaily]:

I might look like you, but now and I will correct them, but people don't see that part of it. They just see what I am. and again I can't fix this. I didn't choose If this. this is just what it is. what it is. You know

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I hate when that happens to, I'll make a video where I'll be like. I think that equal shared parenting is a good idea and men will be like. Yeah, let's take the kids away from their moms and I'm

[supdaily]:

Well,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like. No, No, That's

[supdaily]:

not the same team.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

literally. not what I said.

[supdaily]:

No, no, no, So the title of this is Women's plaining men to women, and it's a pretty extensive series. I think I've seen. I think the last number was like sixty one or sixty two. What number are

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

we up to now?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I think we're about in the sixties.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, fifties or sixties.

[supdaily]:

what first? What is woman plaining?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Okay, So how it started? I started with a video where what I originally called it was. I was like. Did I just experience positive man plaining? And it was when I asked some of my male friends about a certain behavior that my husband did. I would have asked him, but he

[supdaily]:

M?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

was at work and so I was just like, maybe someone will have an answer for me while he's gone, But it was. he was always leaving one singular egg on the top of the egg curtain like we usually get like two. And then He was down to the last one. He would just put it on top. and I was always like. What the fuck is this? and I would always get like what is going on?

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

So finally

[supdaily]:

uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I like sent a picture of this egg to the group chat of like you know, some of my most trusted mails and I'm like my husband does this. What is this and one of my buddies goes. Oh, that's the priority egg. Yeah, you get two cartons at a time, right? I'm like. Yeah, I get to cartons at a time. He's like. Well, When you're down to the last egg, it's really uncomfortable with the weight for you to have to Pick up the curtain. Like for the egg to fall back. So what you do? So everyone remembers that that's the last egg and the oldest curtain is you put it on top of the newest curtains that you can. That can be the priority egg.

[supdaily]:

I've never

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And

[supdaily]:

heard

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I

[supdaily]:

of

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

was

[supdaily]:

that.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like,

[supdaily]:

It makes sense though.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and so he, definitely like man, explained male behavior in such a great way, So I made this post about I and I was like We is like positive man s plaining, but everyone got pissed at me and the comments because of my use of man's plaining. All

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

these men. We're like. It's just explaining. You don't have to call everything Man's plaining, just because a man said something to you and they were like, I'm giving them the dumb voice, even though they had like a really really good point. I was just

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

trying to sound like a man, but

[supdaily]:

Very good.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

they all got mad, so I was like Okay. I cannot call it positive, man's plaining any more, And so I was going to call a husband's plaining, but not every man as a husband, So that's when I was like. Well, what is man's plaining, But a man basically trying to explain something to someone. They know more about him on Right, and so

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like

[supdaily]:

hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a woman, explaining men is so funny because I'm not a man right, So really

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it's woman's plaining. if I try

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to explain men, So that's when I started calling it Woman's plaining is Look. You guys are sick of men explaining themselves to you, so let me see if I can kind of give it the whole females twist.

[supdaily]:

I think I think the reason that you get that the negative reaction is because man's plaining one. It's like so subjective,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

They're

[supdaily]:

but

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

so sick of it.

[supdaily]:

it well, man'xplaining would be a man being condescending to a woman

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

because he doesn't think she understands because she's a woman. But how how do you tell whether that's someone's actual intention? So you just stop talking Because it's just like I don't want to be condescending, but I just know about this and I want to show you. In fact, that's one of

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

the ways I love the people. is like Hey, I'm really excited about this and I want to show you and it would. first. It would hurt if someone was like way to man. Plain it to me. I was like. No. Well, okay, I don't

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

want to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that's

[supdaily]:

tell

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

something I might have to touch on because I do talk a lot about like Nero, Diversity, specifically aidhdanddating because

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

my

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

whole house is full of Aihdhd, and I'm the one Nero divergent person. And so I've learned so much about a D. and that is

[supdaily]:

Nero,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

one.

[supdaily]:

Typical

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

really. Yeah, Yeah, what did I say? Oh, I

[supdaily]:

Nor

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

send

[supdaily]:

divergent.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

her diverse.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, yeah, so nero diverse. what is it? spicy?

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What is

[supdaily]:

uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a people call themselves Spicy Brain? Something?

[supdaily]:

Spicy brain. That's a new one.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

There's all kinds of terms for it. But one thing I found with specifically Eidhdmn is a big attribute of a d. D is that the no dumping like, Oh, I'm so excited about this topic that I am going to absolutely in fo dump for like three to fifteen minutes straight on this,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and so a lot of D d men are just constantly accused of man plaining, And it's

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like that's not the term. It's ino. dumping

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

has nothin To do with me being a man.

[supdaily]:

I'm

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just

[supdaily]:

sharing.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

nero. spicy,

[supdaily]:

I'm just sharing. I think like you get me started on clouds.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M

[supdaily]:

I will tell you all the different formations what they mean about future weather patterns Like I'm Nero. Typical, but I just like sharing my knowledge with people. What are some common things that you've had to women? Plain to women. What are some of the most common subjects that you see pop up?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The most common ones. That's I would say, Um, re doing chores. I would say I'm

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

constantly telling women to stop re doing chores because the act of re doing chores goes against everything that the motivation behind re doing the chores. It is trying to correct,

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

essentially your re doing Chores because you're frustrated that you don't think that he did them good enough, or to your standards, The problem with this is when not even just a man when anybody see, is that the time that they just invested in something was completely worthless because you're going to turn around and do it a different way anyway. More often than not, they're going to stop doing it.

[supdaily]:

Yes, I hear

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

that term weaponized in competence quite often.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And and now there are some people who do things bad on purpose in hopes of this outcome and guess what

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

they're getting it when you re, do the chore

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

when you take over. That doesn't bother them in the slightest. I can't say that, because they're definitely people who notice the chore is being done and it passes them off. They're

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like. What was the point then of me doing it? Especially the one that drives me crazy is the refolding the towels. Because

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

it takes a long time to Old towels.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's like you know fifteen to twenty minutes and now you're gonna completely refold them in a different way. Why did you even ask for his help? Why does that matter? Because that's the one I can completely understand. A lot of women complain that the're always picking up after their spouse, Meaning they claim they cleaned the kitchen, but they didn't move any chairs to sweep, and they have to do that or they didn't even wipe down the counter. That can be really annoying. But when it's a preference based

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

re

[supdaily]:

hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

doing, You are damaging your relationship in so many foundational ways Because you're telling your partner like my work is useless. You don't respect what I'm doing, and basically I'm going to get yelled at whether I do the chore or I don't do the chore, so I don't care.

[supdaily]:

Yeah. So like for those who you don't know, the concept of weaponizing confidence is purposefully doing something incorrectly, so you're never asked to do it again. But a lot

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm

[supdaily]:

of what I was witnessing was more so constant criticism because they didn't do it the way that they thought it should be done. And so you just stopped doing it Because you don't you do it your way and not their way, And it turns into just constant criticism, so you just kind of stay out of it.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Exactly, And so that's the part that I want to explain to to a lot of women. I would say that's one of the most common way is things that need to be woman's plained. essentially man. Hat's a tough question that I wasn't explaining though

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the most common ones. because typically when I'm making my series it's just life happening and then something will happen. That trigger is a memory of like, Oh, this is

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

something that you know me and my husband To fight about, but now I understand it. I'm gonna woman's plain. This a little bit more.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I mean, there's probably some like common themes, but they're all kind of specific To like what's going on there. I want to acknowledge you for a bit, because very rarely do I see someone who will challenge this is man or woman. they or them that challenge their ideas about something, take accountability for their actions and shift in a way that's going to make a healthier connection. And I think that's such a wonderful thing. and I think sometimes you get really misconstrued as someone who is picked aside, But in reality it seems like you're just sharing your lessons so that people can have healthier connections and build a bridge. Does that feel accurate?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, I think a lot of people see my kind of content and the first thing they see is like, obviously, the user name, The advocate, Some

[supdaily]:

M?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

people are immediately

[supdaily]:

hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just turned off just by my user name alone. They

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

have decided already, this is a picmemisage, an Ist, without even reviewing any further content and I think that they get scared that I'm going to be one of those like Tra wife, conservative

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like Oh, stay at home barefoot in the kitchen And make sure the kitchen is clean type women, because unfortunately, that's a whole troop

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and and not many people stick around long enough to find out all these additional details, Like for the fact that my husband is the primary caretaker of our children and I'm the primary earner. I don't believe in strict gender roles

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

at all. I'm trying to construct these ridiculous gender roles as we know In order to create more equal partnerships,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

or should

[supdaily]:

what.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

say, equitable equal is

[supdaily]:

what?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

not always

[supdaily]:

I'm

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the goal.

[supdaily]:

what I'm witnessing is like kind of picking and choosing which aspects of patriarchal ideas and which aspects of empowerment. And it's I think. maybe do you think maybe it's a little confusing to people because we're in like all the lanes at the same time.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, because there's like I said, there's the main block of feminism and then there's these different like off shoots and pipe lines of feminism that claim to be about different things. For example, you have the feminist sugar baby pipeline, which is like, We

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

actually believe that the true empowerment for women is using men for what that what they can provide. And this is actually true. Female empowerment is. as we We find men who can provide the most for us. This is how women truly empower each other. And then what's crazy about that line of feminism Is they're like Okay, we love women because we're going to teach other women how to get rich through men, but we also don't love women because we're going to absolutely shit on women who are not in good financial situations because

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

they don't listen to our advice.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think it's a bit of a confusing time because in my opinion, there needed to be a major shift in the power dynamic between men and women societaly. Um, and I think maybe there's been some aspects of over correction, and my hope is that we will land somewhere healthier for everyone involved, so everyone can feel loved and supported, man and woman like you know. That's that's always been my intention and you actually had. Um. You had a poem. A little bit of a poem that You wrote on one of your posts, and I want to read it And then I want you to explain

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I

[supdaily]:

what

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

wrote

[supdaily]:

you

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a

[supdaily]:

meant

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

poem.

[supdaily]:

by Yeah, what a cool world it would be men listening to understand women, women listening to understand men, mutual respect, team effort. all of us arm in arm. Why did you write that?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, so I think that was more of a celebratory post for something. I don't remember what it was. But something big had just happened and I was just feeling really great about the whole direction of the channel and Albert Einstein said, If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough.

[supdaily]:

M?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And so I love when celebrating big milestones in my channel to just kind of go over like basically the credo right, like I don't have a credo. But like what? The mission statement? What is the point of all of this And so that was kind of a celebration of This is what I want to see, because I think that it is so celebrated for men to value women and to put them on a pedestal and to celebrate them for all of their uniqueness and specialness, And how fucking cool would it be? How much would we just absolutely bombastically explode in a positive way As this is Iety, If men also got the opportunity to feel like it was a good thing to treat them that way.

[supdaily]:

Yes, yeah, yeah, that's that's all I've ever really wanted in any of the discussions and I just found that like places like Tik, Tok, maybe aren't the best, at least for me to lead that conversation, so that's why I'm appreciative to see women leading that conversation in a way that could possibly heal a lot of the very real wounds that both sides are feeling in this conversation.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and that's that's always going to be something that I want my channel to stick with. Is so many people are always so worried about. You know. this is the same fear that I brought up earlier Is Well, if if we discuss these men's issues, we must be erasing women's issues and I never want people to think like, Because we're here discussing men's stuff. We don't care about women's stuff. We're going to sneak everything in here forever One

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to discuss. But there's going to be a focus on men and there's nothing wrong with that.

[supdaily]:

I honestly think that a lot of those struggles are directly linked. And

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

if we only unravel one part of it, then the other part and then no one actually heals. It's going to constantly reopen that wound every single time.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's something that we all have to. We have to work toward understanding each other. Basically, so

[supdaily]:

That's really

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

all it is. Just care about your fellow person, Regardless of the wrapping paper the Lord put them in, and just just be kind. Just be

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

kind and understanding and have tough conversations, but don't assume malice in all of them.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and we have to start caring about men because at the end of the day, this this dream that we can just turn ourselves a lesbian, or this dream that we can just race our own hetero sexuality. Like, let's face it, the majority of women want to be with a man

[supdaily]:

Yep,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

At the end of the day. Most women want to be with a man. and if they want to do that, they should start caring about me.

[supdaily]:

Just bare

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I

[supdaily]:

minimum,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

think

[supdaily]:

be nice. Why do i? Why would I want to date someone who's constantly mean to me and says that I'm not worth anything. I was like. Well, I'm good. I'll just final play video games or something.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and I think that throughout history there's always been some humor to throwing the man under the bus, throwing the husband under

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the bus, Making look like a

[supdaily]:

idiot.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like a silly dope,

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

right

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

because men can take it more that they

[supdaily]:

We're

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

have

[supdaily]:

just

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to.

[supdaily]:

we're

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

You

[supdaily]:

set

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

have

[supdaily]:

used

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to

[supdaily]:

to

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

be

[supdaily]:

it.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

stoic

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and you have to take it, but there comes a point where it's just man bashing

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and you're just husband bashing And you're just partner bashing, And if you keep doing it, it becomes a habit and then your habits eventually become your character. So when people get so comfortable with talking about men so negatively or their partners so negatively, even if at first they're just trying to sweep it under the rug is like I'm just venting, I'm just joking. I'm just getting things off my chest. Everyone goes through this. Eventually, you're going to actually be building real resent. That's a lot harder to get out.

[supdaily]:

The something that I've always kind of. I'm curious. Your perspective on this. This is something that I think about is when these narratives are put out there that like men are trash, all that stuff. How do you feel? It affects young men and young women who hear these like I'm talking about middle

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

school,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm.

[supdaily]:

elementary school high school. How is this affecting those young people to constantly hear that message?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I think it has a really negative effect on on women because as I said earlier, we were constantly being inundated societily with the ideas of, Like many ship, men or garbage men will let you down. Men will disappoint

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

you, and it's not giving us a fair chance at at believing in men, which ultimately we, I think we all Want to do. We want to believe that we can find and live with good men, But it's not doing as much damage to women. It's definitely hurting women's confidence.

[supdaily]:

Also,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

At least,

[supdaily]:

maybe their ability to connect with good men. Like if you don't think they exist and then someone comes across That seems like it. You just immediately meet it with doubt and rejection.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's a lot easier to build up defense mechanisms which

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

are good and healthy in some ways, but can really hold us back and turn us into entitled judgmental people, potentially depending on how much we let that sleep in. and as a boy, Mom, I'm absolutely terrified of how these societal influences Are going to affect You know, our son, because he is fourteen now going into high school and already he's being met with presumptions of intention. What are his intentions? Uh skepticism? As far as that immediate presumption of guilt, And where we see this is in very simple things, it could be something as simple as me making a comment like, Oh, I sure wouldn't want my son to be used for his money. Let's say I make a simple comment like that which no one would want their child to be used for their money. The

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

most immediate response from society is Well, Why are you worried about that not teaching him consent? Whoa,

[supdaily]:

Well, don't you can do that too? right.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

What. and it's yeah, And it's something that that boy parents get so often Is well, you're making sure to teach him the right way to treat women right. He has to know how to treat women right, and it's like well he is.

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Don't worry about that. I just find it interesting that none of you guys are hounding me to make sure that my daughter knows how to treat men.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

none of you seem to care about that. In fact, if I tell you a boy was bothering my daughter at the playground, so she kicked him in the balls, You'll probably start cheering.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's the abuse that like I struggle to watch, like the whole, Like teaching your boys. I kind of understand it to a degree because especially like in religion, but society at large is, it's a lot. the owners is on a lot of on the women to not be attractive instead of on the men to conduct themselves in a respect, respectful way. I do see

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh

[supdaily]:

that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

yeah,

[supdaily]:

quite a bit, but what I also see is the celebration of just stray Up abuse towards boys and men. And it's just it's really.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

It's really hard to watch because it's like that's just another person getting abused. Why is that abuse Okay? but

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, that's

[supdaily]:

here

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

actually

[supdaily]:

it's not.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

one of those areas where you know there are a lot of areas where men are contributing to their own problems. Society in one of

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

those ways is the dad waiting with a loaded shot gun to meet his daughter's boy friend. Right

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like now, we're contributing to our own problems with mail based issues here because you're perpetuating that presumption that all men are so dangerous that they Need to be physically threatened, and have like the fear of being killed put into them before they can be taken seriously.

[supdaily]:

In all honesty, though, that whole trope has very little to do with the daughter and everything to do with the ego of the man. Like this is my

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

role. This is what I do if I don't do this. I guess that maybe gets into the realm of toxic masculinity, the roles that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

you're expected

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

hm.

[supdaily]:

to play, but I think you're responsible for yourself. In that situation

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yep.

[supdaily]:

Ye

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

exactly.

[supdaily]:

don't threaten to murder a minor. I think that is just straight up. We should know that by now,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It is not quite become accepted by societies.

[supdaily]:

Don't point a gun at a child To the end. That's a whole

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

other podcast.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I know, it's just there's so many situations where when you actually flip the genders, that's the only time it actually makes a little bit of sense of. Oh, Maybe what we're doing is harmful, Right Because you take a situation like that. a lot of people are like. Oh, you were waiting with a shot gun for the boy friend. That's so funny. But if you, if you were to flip that and it was like waiting for the girl like you, better not use my son for his money. Jail, instant jail.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, I think I think part of that is we're still very much in a transition for like generals, and what's expected? Um, and what people's capacity is to take care of themselves And I just hope that we get to a point where I don't know like we can't. It was like picking and choosing when to apply those traditional genderals and when not to, And what's okay and what's not okay. We still have a lot of de construction To do society when it comes to that stuff, And I think it's just going to be confusing for a while.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, it's really interesting to, because when we talk about the value of men, this is like one of the biggest conversations that I'm trying to drive on my channel is the idea of everyone agrees women are inherently valuable. Women hold inherent value. No one seems to agree about that with men.

[supdaily]:

It's like transactional. If anything like you, you,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you do have value as long as you provide these things.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Exactly, and so then men's value and worth becomes directly tied to their income or their ability to provide. But if we start having more conversations where we challenge women to accept, Hey, have you considered that maybe if you let him be more involved as a father, that's more valuable than money? Have you considered that you know, maybe if you stop valuing him so much Money, he'll find more value in the domestic labor.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

If we change around how we're valuing men, we will see the problems that we experience as women resolved, because I will fully agree. the statistics back it up. the cries of women back it up. We are

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

seeing that there is in equality in domestic labor contributions they have

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

found time and again. Even when women work equal hours to men, they are still putting in more housework. And just like I mentioned earlier that men can often contribute to their own problems by perpetuating these toxic masculinity, Uh ideals, Like these performances of hanging out with a shot gun to scare other men, we, as women, are contributing to our own problems by you know, telling men like well, if you're not earning income, you're not valuable to me.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's stressful. It's stressful and I see a lot of these and I realize it's a minority, but a lot of the expectations of what my income should be are in the made to upper six figures, which is just not a reality for

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

ninety nine point eight percent of the population like It's just like So, if that, if that is, if that's what I have to live up to, but it's not possible, then I might as well just I don't know. Mind my own business. I don't know.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, I find that so interesting because we hear so much about what the bare minimum is for men. Um and I, This is a conversation that I know would make a lot of people mad, But I always have wanted to ask what's the bare minimum for women, then if we were

[supdaily]:

Right.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to compare, Because really, this is another thing the studies have found is that men don't care how much women make.

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

They don't care if you are not making money. That I will say they found men start to care if the woman earns more. They

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

found that this is a crazy step, but they found that men are. I think it was like seven times more likely to cheat if the woman is the sole bread winner,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

the

[supdaily]:

if that

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

sole

[supdaily]:

feels like

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

income

[supdaily]:

it's

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

provider,

[supdaily]:

connected to their masculinity,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The value.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, they

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I think

[supdaily]:

feel

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that

[supdaily]:

like

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

they

[supdaily]:

they're

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

become

[supdaily]:

not the

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

insecure.

[supdaily]:

man. Yeah, I, I just don't identify with that like when it comes to height, Like I dated a girl who is six five and heels. I've dated women who are cos of company. It's never been a mark against me as a man. But if you're not

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M.

[supdaily]:

raised

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Hm,

[supdaily]:

in a way where your masculinity is not connected to those things, I understand why it happens. I just agree, but you know it's your world.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

But here's where I would challenge where the issue is coming from, so I'm never going to excuse cheating. You should just

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just break up. Just break up. There's no excuse for cheating. Um, However, you have to, you have to wonder, too. In these situations where the woman is earning more, we know that men don't care how much women make, but we also know that women do care how much men make,

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and so you have to ask yourself. Was there also a lack of respect In the relationship like simultaneously while she was earning more? did she respect him while he was at home? You know,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm

[supdaily]:

you don't

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

no,

[supdaily]:

know the

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

no

[supdaily]:

answer.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

excuse.

[supdaily]:

You don't know the answer to that and I think that's where I see a lot of issues and projection and comment sections especially is. it's just the immediate assumption is malintent and that the person was being cruel, and it's usually you assuming that the person you identify with the most is the victim in that situation?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and obviously it's It's interesting because as I've had this channel, there are some things that I've had to challenge myself on, and one of them, as I've always been so animately against cheating. But then as I speak to more and more men, of course I don't excuse their cheating. I do not condone it. I think it's an ugly, vile thing to do and they should stop. But what they are telling me is men will find themselves in these situations where they know that if they leave the Sanctity of their marriage, they will be paying alimony. they will

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

lose their child. They will be paying child's apart, and they know this, because they have been directly told this,

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

and the histories of behaviors would encourage them to believe it. And so there are some people who I've heard men tell me, Look, I'm never going to live outside of the same roof as my child. So if that means staying in a loveless marriage until they're adults and having side pieces, that's what I'm going to Do and

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I'm like, Oh God, like, Is this really where we're at? And so I think part of the solutions to this is we've got to make it easier for men to get divorced

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

because men are feeling so trapped in the systems that we've created that they're just becoming uglier and uglier. if they're put in an ugly situation and they don't have a good way out. It's going to turn them ugly.

[supdaily]:

But isn't that more so just based on who is the main bread water in the in the divorce.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, that's true and things are changing now, so

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

we're definitely seeing more situations where women where the bread winners and now women are paying alimony and women are losing custody and their every other week end. Mom's.

[supdaily]:

M.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

we

[supdaily]:

hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

are seeing an influx of that, so it's certainly not always the situation. Uh, and and I'll be honest, I don't really know what the mind set is when you Ask your wife to stay home and not work. If If you're not also prepared for that to go south, and for you to have to sustain that

[supdaily]:

Yeah, and

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

without

[supdaily]:

I do know

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

them?

[supdaily]:

I do know women that seek those men for that specific reason, Like I'm going to be paid after this.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, I wonder like to this is one of those things where I don't necessarily agree with how the system works, but men need to not kind of lose that delusion that, even though they know in their hearts well, I'm doing the right thing by providing for my family, I'm doing the right thing by letting her stay home with my children, So if things go wrong, if things go south and the marriage ends for whatever reason, I should theoretically Able to still see my kid and an equitable amount of time, and then she should just get a job or marry someone else, and I shouldn't have to support her lifestyle forever if she didn't hold up her end of the bargain in the marriage and stay faithful to me or stay in the marriage here. But that's just not the reality, so I feel like men. Do you need to kind of lose that delusion?

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And if you are going to put yourself in a position of being the sole provider, you have to like,

[supdaily]:

Protect yourself.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

commit to to that application of your funds going there. Even if you lose the romance aspect of it.

[supdaily]:

Maybe I'll just stay single

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It's

[supdaily]:

forever. I don't know. this all sounds exhausting.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I know. it's

[supdaily]:

It's just like

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

that's

[supdaily]:

why? Like, I just don't like. All I want is someone that adds to my piece, not detract from it. You know, someone who will embolden me just like they would want me to do them. I want that equitable partnership and so I'm finding it's harder as someone who wants someone who's equal to them to find those connections because they're so Many confusing conflicting messages.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Oh, man, you know, it's another big obstacle in the way of men being valued even remotely as close as women are. Is this is a real thing. I see this in so many circles of women. Women honestly believe with their whole heart, like, if you ask women, they will tell you this that, when you do value men when you invest in them when you plan dates, when you give them gifts, when you shower them in praise. When you Sleep with them every night, they will get overly confident and that's when they cheat. That's that's the belief, And so this is another thing that's being perpetuated in circles of women and men aren't seeing it as much, because the way that the algorithm works is when you get these female led creators speaking only to the women for the girl is, Uh, ninety percent female audience. Men aren't seeing this, so it's going totally under their rate are, but in female circles it's being perpetuated like Actually, The best advice like this is being perpetuated by Femal Dating coach is. uh, treat your man like a dog, and that is what will make him work harder for you.

[supdaily]:

Oh

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

But

[supdaily]:

my god,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

as soon as you start valuing him and treating him the way he treats you is the second that you're going to lose him, he's going to start getting cocky. He's not going to be acting right anymore. No joke, and there are women who honestly believe I've kind of covered so many videos like this that they honestly believe That a healthy relationship will only work if the man loves the woman more.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, yeah, and the thing is, it's like I'm on that side of Tik Tok, where I see what what women are saying. I'm because

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

you know, I guess by the traditional definition I am a feminist. I do believe in equality,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Me too,

[supdaily]:

and so I have talked about those things, So Tiktok sends me both sides. I get both sides on my

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Me

[supdaily]:

same

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

too.

[supdaily]:

for you page and it's exhausting because it's just like, Oh my God, can you guys just shut up, sit down and talk to each other, or were just going to sit and smack, talk to our qua. Or you know, preach to them while nothing actually changes And that's because change is hard.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I know, and it's so funny to, because when you actually like, look at both sides, I think that there are a lot of men who are trying to get on your side of Tiktok, and they're like Okay, Okay, I'm gonna sit down. I'm going to listen to the women. I'm going to hear what they want from me as a man. I'm going to be good. I'm going to be good and listen and I'm gonna do the things. And so then they come back and they make this these videos where they're like. All right. So what I do in my Relationships is I don't wait for a list. I do the chores myself and here I am handling this and handling that. I did what I was supposed to, and like immediately. it's like. What do you want to? Fucking cookie? Though Is the bare minimum. What? Now you're

[supdaily]:

Uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just doing it performatively. You're

[supdaily]:

uh,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just doing it because your wife wanted you to do it.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's It's a know when sometimes and so, instead of just getting upset, I look at it and I go. Okay. That's where you are and I just move on with my day and talk to people who are balanced. I have an audience full of wonderful women who want to have great conversations. Correct me when I say something that might be problematic

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

M. hm.

[supdaily]:

and I can do the same and it's that mutual respect that is needed for that type of healing conversation. Sometimes we trigger each other, but healthy relation Ships are triggering way more triggering I think than unhealthy.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, and I think it's just society a lot harder for anyone to just give men the benefit of the doubt in conversations, period.

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And so yeah, that's kind of what I've heard a lot is men telling me like we love your channel because you are a mouthpiece for things that when we say it were immediately attacked

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

And so

[supdaily]:

I

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

like,

[supdaily]:

had.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I get attacked sometimes, but like, far less so than

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

if I looked a little different.

[supdaily]:

One of the people that went after me multiple times, Um made made a thread and was talking about me again without tagging me, and I, just as an experiment, I had one of my female viewers go in and reiterate the point that I had made without them knowing that they were connected to my audience, and that creator agreed with her. But they were the points that I made, and that to me just illustrated that. it's not necessarily that my mess Ing is bad. It's the vessel through which the messaging came from and I can't fix that.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, no, it's It's absolutely true and I've done similar experiments because I have

[supdaily]:

Hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

a couple group chats with some big creators where it's like some men, some women, and sometimes the guys will send us a threat and they're like you know, check this out. I'm getting my ass handed to me here, and then one of us ladies will come in. Make the exact same point. The conversation suddenly gets a lot more reasonable.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, it's it's their own journey and I wish them the best on it. I can imagine it's got to be really stressful to be that upset all the time. And it comes from a real place, so I just kind of go all right. Well,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

That's the best advice I think I would give to like any creator, or even like anyone who wants to exist on the Internet Is to just not engage with haters and trolls. It's very hard. It's hard. It is a constant practice

[supdaily]:

M,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

to

[supdaily]:

hm,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

just completely ignore people that you want so badly to just sink your teeth into.

[supdaily]:

They're not.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

But then it's like they say you know. Don't argue with idiots because they Drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

[supdaily]:

Yeah, people aren't aren't having these conversations to understand. They're having the conversations to be right, And that is never a healthy dynamic. So you just kind of go all right.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

The other thing you always have to be afraid of, especially with Tik Tok, is that like you could be arguing with someone and they're like fourteen years old. That's my other thing when it's like If I, if you don't have videos up for me to corroborate that you are actually a grown adult, I will not be responding.

[supdaily]:

There was a video that went pretty viral. She was talking about how putting people on the same plane through different developed mental stages of their life is one of the most dangerous things about Tiktok, because when someone is in their

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah,

[supdaily]:

loud and wrong phase, they can do so in the same room as fully grown adults.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, yeah, and I see that sometimes because you know, obviously people are tagging me all day long and like, Oh, look at these people who are being terrible to each other in relationships. You know. this could be partner shaming, content, and every once in a while I'll get tagged in like some fifteen year old high school drama and I'm like as a third year old woman. I am absolutely not going to be slamming this

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

fourteen year Old God. I was so cringed when I was in high school. Like dating

[supdaily]:

Yes,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

my boy friend. I was the kind of girl who was like you took a single sip of alcohol. Why do you hate me?

[supdaily]:

Yeah, let them have. I will only talk to people who have a fully formed frontal lobe. Okay, at least those types of discussions. They still have some learning to do and will have that conversation when they have more experience.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, no,

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

no,

[supdaily]:

so appreciate this conversation. It's been. It's going to be really fun to go through. I learned a lot from you. If people are inspired by you want to reach out to you. Where's the best place for them to do that?

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Honestly, my email like if they really want to reach out Laura at Advocate Dot Net. I check

[supdaily]:

Hm.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

all the time. Tiktok messages are a ship show. I don't know if you've ever tried to read your tiktok messages.

[supdaily]:

I stopped.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

It the whole way that it's set up is you can't even like. Go past like twelve at a time. And so it's just there's no easy to delete option.

[supdaily]:

No,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

I will never see tiktok messages

[supdaily]:

no,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

unless they're mentions.

[supdaily]:

yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Instagram messages. Usually good,

[supdaily]:

Yeah,

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

but email is the best.

[supdaily]:

Well, thank you for being on on filtered, friends and thank you for your time.

[lauren__the_dadvocate_]:

Yeah, thank you for having me. I had so much fun.

[supdaily]:

Okay. stay with me.